More OK

Sorry for the radio silence guys.

If you've been a friend for a while, you'll know I've been contemplating some really big moves.

About three weeks ago, one of those big changes took place.

"Not fighting it anymore."
The drawing is older, but the sentiment remains true.

After a lot of thought and then more thought and a little more thinking, I've had a change in living arrangements.  It was the right choice for me.

I'm not really ready to talk about it fully, but I wanted to give you a heads up on where I've been and why it's been so quiet on the blog.  I'd like for things to be a little more settled before I give you the full scoop, and things have been anything but settled for the past three weeks...there hasn't even been any arting going on and you know how crazy that is for me!

Adding to the craziness is a new puppy for me:

Hi!  I'm Frida!

This is my new puppy Frida.  She's half Saint Bernard and half Great Pyrenees.  In the picture, she's nine weeks old...now she's 11 and has already grown quite a bit...I think she's going to be a monster size dog.  But she's super sweet and very smart...and she's LOVING the frigid weather we're having right now.

Hopefully, in a little while longer, I'll be able to get back on track with my art (I am so behind on DLP and J52!) and sharing it with you here on the blog.  In the mean time, just know that I'm more ok than I have been in a really, REALLY long time and that I am so excited to see what the future has in store.

More From The Farm

I've been caught up in a wave of domesticated animals!

There's been a horse, a goat, a chicken and now this guy:

I must find animals very moving...  Get it?  MOO-ving?  Hehe! *groan!*

I used this cow as the main reference for mine:

Bet you can't touch your nose with your tongue!
You can also see him on my Pinterest board called "For Your Reference".

I went with a non-hairy version for my cow though.  

Originally, mine was going to be very hairy also, but then I didn't gesso the paper that I used to paint him on.  I used Neocolor II's to paint with for the most part and they move really nicely over gesso.  Not as much movement happens when there's direct to paper contact...which was disappointing, but did lead to a less hairy, but still cute little brown cow...

The little cow is on the first page of my Documented Life (DLP) journal...the opposite side of the paper as the chicken.  I wanted both pages of the chicken spread to be on the same kind of substrate, and so I had to put the chicken on what will actually be the second and third pages...  This meant that the first page in the journal was blank, and so I decided to try my hand at a cute cow and here we are!

Completely out of character for me, I've also started working on the cover for 2015's DLP journal...which means I'm very naughty indeed, because I haven't yet done my 2014 covers for DLP or J52!  For shame!!!

Usually I wait until the end of the journal to decorate my cover...that way I won't mess up what I've done on the cover when I'm working in the rest of the book.  

BUT, since I deconstructed my DLP book for this year, that won't be an issue.  It's actually the opposite problem this time, because if I wait till the end of the year to do this cover, I'll risk messing up the inner pages!

So I'm taking away ALL risk involved and working on the cover for this year right now and then I can start the 52 week process of reconstructing my DLP journal!

I should have the cover done in the next day or two, so be on the look-out for that...AND then, I need to finish my 2014 Journal 52 cover (and decide if I really want to leave the 2014 DLP cover as is...)  And I haven't forgotten about the two wrap-ups I owe you either!

As soon as I'm done with this cover (which is so stinking adorable, I can't wait to show you!!!), I will jump on those wrap-ups, I promise!  

The other animals in the barnyard will just have to wait! 

Reverb14 Days 1-3

I wanted to play along with Kat McNally's REVERB14, which I found out about through the fabulously interesting DEBORAH WEBER, but I missed the first couple days, so I wanted to catch up...

I thought I'd share a few sketches with you from my bedroom sketchbook while I answer the questions..."bedroom" because I sketch before I go to sleep...not because there are naughty drawings in it...shame on you for thinking such a thing! Heathens!  :)

Day 1 question: What can you say right now with certainty?

First, that I'm never certain about anything...we've talked about this before... 

Second, that the year is almost over.  And this means that I've almost finished two year-long projects, Documented Life and Journal 52.  And I'm certain that I'm REALLY proud of myself for sticking with it.  I can be a bit flaky at times and I wanted to work on that...and now, a few weeks short of a year later, I can finally say that, even though I can be flaky, I can also see things through to completion!  That's a big deal for me!

And third, related to the second thing, I am certain that I have grown a lot this past year.  I'm really happy that I have the blog, because it shows me how far I've come.  Sometimes I take baby steps, and sometimes I backslide, but looking back over this past year through the eye of the blog, I really have made forward progress!  That's an AWESOME feeling!

I use the bedroom sketchbook as a place where I can blatantly copy (well, as closely as I can...) cool sketches I've seen on Pinterest.  You can see the originals on my Pinterest board, "Copycat With Respect".

Day 2 question: What unfinished projects from 2014 are you willing to release now? (Regret not required.)  

Last December, which seems worlds away, one of my goals for 2014 was to get better at realistic drawings...there was a plan, involving a sketchbook and a determined attitude...but that plan ended up not happening.  And that's ok.  Overall, my art has improved.  I've done enough practicing that it has to have improved!  I will take one small step in the right direction over being stagnant any day!  

That doesn't mean that I've completely let go of this goal.  It just means that I release it for now.  I tend to put a lot on my plate and then can't finish it all (I think it's one of the reasons I end up being 'flaky')...and that's what happened with this goal.  That doesn't mean I won't keep trying in the future, just that I'm ok with the fact that I didn't put that much effort into it so far.

I like so many different styles of art and I constantly try to make progress...I want to get a little better with every attempt!  And I think that learning more about one kind of art, getting better at one style of it, improves my artist's eye over all.  And that's FANTASTIC!

So maybe 2015 will be the year of the realistic drawing...or maybe it won't.  As long as I keep making art and as long as I slowly and steadily keep improving at it, that's more than enough for me.

These bunnies were too cute not to try to copy them!

Day 3 question: It's all too easy to put off loving where we are until everything is perfect.  What can you love about where you are now?

At this exact moment, I'm loving that I have some good friends in my life...especially the kind of friend who buys me Mexican food...which happened last night.  I haven't had a spontaneous outing with a friend for a really, really, really long time...and it was SO FUN!

Despite my recent realization that I've somehow become a person who likes consistency and routine, there are still times that it makes me feel a little like a caged bird.  So it's good to be able to stretch my wings a bit and remember the feeling of enjoying the unexpected...even when that feeling comes as a result of a friend locking her keys in her house!  (It was Sweets to the rescue...I felt like Underdog: "Here I am to save the day!")

It's nice to have someone in my life who I can laugh with, take turns venting frustrations with, and someone who will tell me the truth, even if that's not what I want to hear.  Finding someone who will be honest with you (especially someone who does it in a kind way) is a rare and glorious thing, and it's very precious to me.

And who doesn't love a good fairy godmother!  I am pretty darn proud of this one!  My copying skills at their finest! 

So now I'm caught up  with Reverb14...despite my love of all things art journaling, I do like a good set of writing prompts once in a while!  I think it stretches my creative brain in a different direction.  I think, if inspiration strikes, I might like to make pages to go along with some of the prompts...but we'll see how it goes...

December has kind of turned into a blog-a-thon month for me...three posts in three days?!?  Crazy!  You know, I haven't done a single blog-a-thon all year, and last year I did several...  Maybe a December blog-a-thon will send 2014 off right?  I mean, I'm accidentally off to a good start...perhaps we'll see how far I can get before the laziness kicks in? 

Doing Stuff

The prompt for DOCUMENTED LIFE this week was "Trace a Hand On Your Page".  And I did that...kind of:

"It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little.  Do what you can." -Sydney Smith

Actually, I traced my hand on a different piece of paper (twice) and cut them out and used them as stencils to spray Dylusions.  This way I didn't end up with the Dylusions all over my hand.  ...just half of my hand and a little bit on my face...I'm really bad at spraying in the right direction.  It should not be that hard...

After I sprayed on the Dylusions, I drew my little worrying bunny, who was not meant to look worried (it just happens that he does...) and added the quote. I think I may go back and outline the quote, because it looks a little too light for my comfort...but we'll see where laziness factors in to that equation.

I'm pretty happy with the bunny, because I didn't copy him, he just came out of my head.  Usually if I try to draw anything without a reference, it comes out...not good...  But the bunny is pretty darn cute if I do say so myself!

Thanks for the well-wishes for my nephew!  I wanted to mention that Remy got to come home yesterday, with doctor's orders not to fall off the bed anymore...which I feel is good advise...  That little turd scared us all...and I'm fat, and fat people can't take being scared...we have heart attacks WAY too easy for all that...  So, fingers crossed that he waits till he's sixty or seventy before he has any more accidents!  

And on that note, I am off into the wild blue yonder to do what little I can before work today.

Smooches to you all!

Darn Skippy

I feel like a bit of a cheat for this week's JOURNAL 52 page.  I had already done the background...it was one of my attempts at the sky idea I had in my head for last week's prompt, but they just refused to work out how I wanted them to, so I figured I'd just use them for backgrounds for some other project.  I didn't think I'd use one quite so fast though...

In addition to having an already done background, I just did a sketchy girl on the page with a plain old ink pen...all in all, I might have spent fifteen minutes on her...  Recently, I've been going gangbusters on my pages and they take me a long while to finish, so this quick gal feels a little bit like a rip off...but then again, I like her so much that I think she's perfect exactly how she is:

"The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering.
Idiots are always dead sure about every damn thing they are doing in their life."
-Vasudev

The prompt for J52 this week was "create a page in your journal for someone in your thoughts this week who needs a little love, hope, and encouragement – even if that person happens to be yourself!"

I just felt too awkward to make an encouraging page for someone who would never actually see the encouraging page...or else I am just awfully self-centered...I'm not sure which.  Either way, I ended up using a quote that makes me feel better personally...especially with that sassy gal giving me that funny look...

I got the quote while scrolling through Pinterest, my one-stop inspiration shop, and it really is something I needed to hear.  Whether it's true or not, it made me feel better.

I spend a lot of mental energy plotting different options.  I question everything...and then question those questions.  I sometimes wonder if I'm alone in this...because most people I know don't seem to be that way.  I think a lot of people see the surface of things and accept them at face value.  I am not that way...probably to a fault...I tend to need more information before I accept anything.  And even then, I suppose, my opinions are subject to change...so maybe I never really accept anything fully.  The funny thing is that I will also stick by my opinions and defend them relentlessly.  

A friend of mine told me that I always have to be right...but that's not really true.  I just need someone to show me why I should change my mind.  I like to think that I am not one to blindly follow...no matter how much I like a person, if I think they're wrong, they're wrong until they prove otherwise.  And being like that kind of goes back to the fact that I question everything.  Most of the time, I've already thought of the other side of the discussion...so I know what the problems are with that other side.  I don't like to argue, but discussing things...well that's a whole different kettle of fish...

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me because of my constant questioning and need for information.  I know that everybody is different and that the world would be boring if we were all the same, but when everyone around you is one way and you are another...it's easy to feel weird about your quirks...and I do have quite a few of those to feel weird about.

My sassy, sketchy gal pal and the quote on my journal page are to remind me that maybe it's a good thing I'm not so sure about what's going on in my life...

But then again, I could be wrong...

  

No Bambi

I'm squeezing in at the last minute for this week's DOCUMENTED LIFE (DLP) spread.  

The prompt was "Sketch What You See Right Now".  Since you're my friends, and you will in no way judge me, I will admit that I was reading about the prompt while in the bathroom (where I do all my important reading...remember, no judging...) and in my bathroom, I happen to have a cute little deer statue that looks like this (minus the bell):

This is not MY deer, although mine looks exactly like this...I meant to take a picture of mine, but forgot and now it's dark at my house and it is a dank pit of despair doesn't have the best lighting, so I found one online...

Since my eyes landed on the deer, I decided that would have to be my sketch for the week:

"I'm no Bambi"

Since my husband kept trying to call my fairy from last week "Tinkerbell", I figured I should go ahead and give him the heads up that my deer was NOT Bambi.  And then I ran off on a tangent with the thought of not being 'a Bambi'...which came in a wave all of the sudden.  I thought of naive, innocent little Bambi the cartoon...and then I thought of strippers, because Bambi seems like a total stripper name...which I always thought was kind of funny, because Bambi was a boy...he doesn't seem very boyish though and I tend to forget...  And then I remembered that when I was a kid, I had a friend named Rachel and her sister's name was Bambi.  How do parents go from naming their kid Bambi (super rare, possible stripper ) to naming the next one Rachel (every third girl in my class)?  It seems like a leap, doesn't it?  The human Bambi I knew when I was a kid was very nice though, and not a stripper at all...more like cartoon Bambi, except not a dude...

I'm lovable!

I'm pretty cool with my sketch...I like the 'extras' really well on this page... I put down torn up book pages first and then did my sketch and painted it in and then used acrylic paint for the blue wavy sky...I like the way the book pages show up between the blue...  I'm also pretty darn happy with the lettering!

I have nothing insightful to say...

For the right page, I started out with a packing tape transfer of this image:

He's not looking up her skirt...He's adoringly admiring her general awesomeness...

And then I just wanted to have a stab at making those fantastic, painty, crazy pages that I've seen other people doing quite brilliantly.  It seems like every time I try to do a page like this, I end up getting the "crazy" part right, but not so much the fantastic part...  I don't hate it...it's just...bright...  Actually, every time I attempt these kind of pages, they end up bright ( I will remind you of the TERRIFYING CHICKEN PAGE from the Alternate Amy blog...).  There has to be a secret...I just haven't figured it out yet...

In other news, the new kittens have gotten much more adventurous in the last two days and are currently having fun knocking over everything in the studio and then either hissing at it, sitting on it, hiding under it, or shoving it around the floor...it's hilarious until I remember that I have to clean up after them, then it's only funny and I get the broom...  They're out-and-about-iness calls for a studio overhaul, so I don't lose important bits or end up having kittens in casts or something...maybe that's a good plan for Sunday...

And lastly, I think you'll be shocked (and hopefully proud) because I've walked FIVE MILES in the last two days!!!  And I'm not even whimpering in pain!  A friend of mine from work, Gayle, asked if I would want to start walking with her, so right after work is over, we meet at a trail and walk a mile and a quarter down and a mile and a quarter back to the car.  We've done it twice now, and I am both proud and shocked that I haven't had a heart attack!  The plan is to keep doing it until the time change and then it will be too dark to see anything and too cold for Gayle...hopefully by the time that happens, we'll be so used to walking together that we find an alternate indoor location for the winter (aka become old lady mall walkers...) and keep going. 

I never, NEVER get any exercise, and I hate (HATE) doing healthy things by myself, so Gayle was a lifesaver with her walking suggestion!  I already feel better today than I did yesterday, and I really want to keep that trend going!  Plus, it's always been my secret dream (don't tell anybody) to have a head-turner body...  You know I'm cute (seriously, so adorable you probably couldn't stand it... :) haha), but I want, just one time in my 30s, to be a jaw-dropping, tongue wagging babe (and then to rub it in people's faces...hehehe)!  

You've seen the healthy-Amy-in-her-early-20s pictures...but I was young and stupid and didn't appreciate it then!  

Now I'm the sad-Amy-who's-knees-hurt-from-carrying-her-fat-rolls-around-all-day-Amy...  

But I'd like to be the happy-Amy-who-feels-good-and-is-comfortable-in-her-own-skin-and-remembers-the-happiness-of-finding-clothes-that-fit-and-is-healthy-Amy...

I feel like that's a lot of pressure to put on two 2.5 mile walks, but I'm being optimistic!  It really does boil down to feeling good verses feeling puny...  I've been feeling puny for a long while, and wanting to do something about it, but I am just not a good self-motivator when it comes to moving and shaking...  After walking just once, I actually sprang out of bed this morning!  It's been SO STINKING LONG since I've woken up without throwing punches towards my husband with half closed eyes that I don't even remember the last time it happened!  So I'm really hoping that Gayle and I will help each other keep up our momentum so that we can both feel healthy again!  And I'd guess Andy is hoping we keep it up so he can quit dodging my sleepy time left hook!

Things I Love and Things I Notice

The prompt for DOCUMENTED LIFE (DLP) this week was to "Fill the page with numbers that relate to your week (e.g 4 trips to the grocery store)."  Can I just tell you how much anxiety this filled me with?

First, I hate...HATE...lists.  And no matter what you tell me, this prompt wanted me to make a list.  Not only that, but this prompt wanted me to tabulate various things that occurred in my week.  This may not seem like it should be a big deal, but about the only thing I do is go to work, eat and make art.  There's not a lot going on.  PLUS...keeping track of things!?!  I'm lucky if I remember what year it is...  There was a lot of resistance happening for me concerning this prompt...

So, in order to break it down to my level, I decided to number various things that happened in a single day this week.  ...and then I made up fictitious numbers that corresponded to the amount times I feel like something happened:

1 day in numbers at age 31

For instance, 800 is the number of times I thought or felt something completely inappropriate.  But out of those 800 times, 376 is the number of times I actually said the inappropriate thing out loud.  As you can see, I say a lot of horrible things, but not near as many as I think...

This picture is the most true to color...I don't know why the other pics look so dingy...

Everything about this prompt was troublesome, including the background, which is why the #4 on the above page stands for the number of times I COMPLETELY overhauled this spread...

Check out that sweet "2" from the "25" though, it's rocking my socks off!

The one thing I actually enjoyed about this spread was practicing my lettering (or would it be numbering?)...I was pretty happy with the way some of the numbers turned out...especially the 2 in 25 in the above picture!

"Times I questioned my sanity in a given hour."

I glued down my tags on one end only, so that they would flip up and reveal the writing that went along with them on the reverse side.  As you can see in the above picture, 25 is the number of times I questioned my sanity in a given hour on that particular day.  I was being conservative...

After I finished doing this spread, I realized that what I should have counted was the various art related things that happen in my week...like how many faces did I make, how many different pages I completed, or how many different colors/media I used.  But it's all over now, and here we are...  Maybe one day in the distant future, when I've grown as a person, I will have the patience and memory to keep tabs on that info...but it is not today for sure! :)

The prompt for JOURNAL 52 (J52) this week was "Gratitude-include something you are thankful for on your page."  There was actually a similar prompt for DLP a little while ago, which you can see HERE.  

I think I've mentioned it before, but I have a hard time with the word 'gratitude'.  It's one of my many foibles, I'm sure, but there's just something about that word that sets my teeth on edge.  I suppose genuine gratitude isn't the problem for me...that's a good thing.  But for some reason, when I hear the word, it makes me think of lazy people.  (SO NOT saying that truly gratitudinous people are lazy)  The word just reminds me of people who sit back and wait for things to happen instead of getting up and working towards good things for themselves...and then when something does just happen by chance to them, they say 'oh, I'm so grateful to the cosmic space turtle who made this happen'.    I honestly don't know why my brain chooses to associate those two things, but it does.  Maybe I feel like real gratitude can only be achieved through hard work.  Like when your parents told you as a kid...if anyone was raised like me..."You'll appreciate it more if you have to work for it."

I've noticed that I say I'm glad about things a lot.  I imagine it's my substitute word for gratitude.  I'm grateful when all my hard work pays off...I'm glad when something out of my control happens.  As in, I'm grateful that I got a raise at work (cause I TOTALLY deserve it), but I'm glad it's gonna be fall soon (no personal control over that).  I don't know...all I can say is I told you I was weird...

At any rate, I came up with something I am both glad about and grateful for to use in this week's J52 page:

"A good long laugh"
I really liked this as a sketch, but when I went over it in pen, there was an incident with the eyebrows...
Maybe it adds to the comedy of the page...the eyebrow situation...yeesh...

There is just something to be said for a really good belly laugh.

The older I get, the harder it is for me to get that real deal, from the heart, eyes watering laugh.  I must have become more cynical or something.  I'll give things a little chuckle, and that's the end of it.  The weird thing is I laugh all the time...well giggle.  I hate to say it, but I tend to be a giggler.   But it's been a while since I REALLY went all in on a laugh.

I'm good at getting other people to laugh though, and I suppose that's better than laughing myself.  I made someone laugh so hard this week that he had to crouch down against a wall because he couldn't breathe and tears were streaming down his face.  I am a merciless clown!

I think my problem is I get bored easily.  I like to figure people out, but when I do, a lot of the thrill is gone.  (How horrible does this make me sound?  Really stinking horrible...)  I think I've been around the people I know now for so long they have no good comedy for me anymore.  I know what these people are going to say, down to the point where I can mimic them word for word.  I know it's my problem...there's not anything wrong with the people in my life...I like them quite a lot!  It's just...frustrating at times.

I recently came back into contact with someone who hasn't spoken to for a long time.  This person was at one point, very important to me, but there was a rift in our friendship.  I really enjoy this person, because he says things I don't expect.  That's a rare commodity for me!  I think I've always been attracted to people who are...outside the norm.  I find people on the fringes of life to be very interesting.  I like people who challenge my thinking...who surprise me and keep surprising me.  I've been laughing a lot since coming back into contact with this person.  It's been nice.

I'm trying to remember to temper myself.  It's another one of my personal quirks...that when I'm in, I'm all in.  The past doesn't matter.  The future doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is how I feel right now.  The problem is that the past HAS happened.  The future, whatever it may be, WILL happen...and the past repeats itself so very often.  I'm guilty of forgetting all that once I've gotten my interest peaked.  

I don't like being fooled, and I especially don't want to be fooled twice.  But I want to believe that people are capable of change...especially in this instance...  The crap part for me is that I know I'm an all or nothing kind of girl.  It's just no use in telling me not to get too attached...I have never yet been able to follow through on that advice.  

What do you think?  Do people change?  Should I give this re-budding friendship another go or just cut it off before I get carried away?  Any words of wisdom for a girl in need?

Playing Catch-Up Again

I'm playing catch-up again.  Today, I've got Journal 52, Documented Life Project (DLP), and Alternate Amy stuff to share with you.

For Journal 52 last week, the prompt was "Recycled Art" and you can read more about it HERE.  I went VERY minimal with my page...here it is:

Her dress is made from the inside of a security envelope that my bank statement came in.

Like I said, minimal.  I like white space sometimes.  When I do too many in a row full of busy color, it shakes things up to do one with a lot of white space!  And this gal's definitely got that going for her...

For DLP, which you can read more about HERE, the prompt was "Photograph or draw your favorite shoes, and here's my spread:

I photographed this and then realized that I had left the journaling card to the right of the deer blank...it now says "Very dear to me."  ...because I am corny like that...

And here's the close-up of my shoe sketch:

♥ my adidas ♥

I really do love my Adidas...they make me feel like one of the cool kids...and they are fantastically comfortable...which is very important to me.  They are grey suede high tops, and I love them with a love I very rarely experience in regards to inanimate objects!

Lastly, I have today's Alternate Amy spread to share with you:

"She felt like a kid again."

You can read the diary post HERE, or just enjoy the art.

I've got some more art to share with you...but I'm not promising anything...every time I say "tomorrow", it ends up being a week later...so maybe if I say sometime soon...then it will actually be within the next few days.  

I've got some weird personal stuff going on right now.  I know I'm usually pretty forthcoming with everything that's going on in my life, but for this, I need some time to think.  It's why I've been a little on the quiet side recently, and I just need some time to work my way to the answer...so it may be a little quiet here for a while...but don't give up on me, pals!  I will keep posting my art as often as I can and I hope that you'll forgive me for being a bad internet friend/awesome hermit.  To give you an inkling of the seriousness of my situation, know this: I haven't even wanted to make art...yeah, so you know it's bad.  But never fear, I'll be back on track soon and know that I can't wait to see what beautiful art you all are making in the mean time. <3<3<3

Acquire Pure Imagination

Sorry for the long haul of silence going on here for the past week or two!  I went out of town a little unexpectedly, and was without internet...oh, sweet internet, let us never part again!

On the opposite side, it is nice to have a break from the irresistible call of the web once in a while...it's amazing what you can do when you don't have the distraction!

One of the things I did was my Documented Life spread for week 16.  The Challenge was to use a cardboard food package in a creative way, and you can read more about that HERE.

And this is what I did:

"Betty Crocker couldn't stop the wild blueberry."
"The possibilities are endless when you disregard reality and acquire pure imagination..."

I used a pieces from a blueberry muffin box for my spread...the words ("Betty Crocker" and "Wild Blueberry") of course, but also, the white thing that the drawing is on is a piece from the box that I gessoed.  It was actually a pretty decent surface to work with!  I sketched out my monstrous blueberry and used my Koi travel watercolor set for his awesome bluish hue...  Parts of the writing, as well as the interesting flying ship thingie, were already on the paper, I added the rest of the writing using Elmer's Painters paint pens and the shadow using water soluble pens.

I think it's a pretty fun spread and I TOTALLY love the sentiment of disregarding reality and acquiring pure imagination...it makes even the most hum drum days special...

One thing I've been using my pure imagination for is my fake journal.  I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with the one spread a day, and I was right about that...but I have got another spread ready to share:

"She had the shivers and butterflies inside."
"In one kiss, you'll know all I haven't said." - Pablo Neruda

You can read the diary entry HERE, or just enjoy the artsy goodness above...

I actually have my spread for Journal 52 and this week's Documented Life Project done as well, but still need to take the pictures...I got them done on my internet-less retreat!  So, hopefully, I will get back to my normal posting routine and try to get those out in the next day or so...I don't like feeling like I'm late...especially when the hardest part is already done!

She Knew It Was Time

"She knew it was time."

Here's the art from today's Alternate Amy entry.  You can read the fake journal post HERE, or just sit back and enjoy the art.

I drew the Dodo head for the 'put a bird on it' prompt from Journal 52, but ended up not using it in that spread...it's a good thing to hoard sometimes, isn't it?  I really like how he looks.

The black and white image of the lady (inside the frame) is some awesome art I found on Pinterest.  I don't know who the artist is, but I love it so much it's the wallpaper on my computer at work.  I don't know what it is about her, but I just find her completely enthralling!  The original is in color, making her even more lovely and melancholy than she appears above, but I printed off a bunch of copies in black and white by accident, and why waste...plus I think that might be the way I go with all of the 'other people's art' that gets added into the Alternate Amy journal...that way you'll know I didn't make it.  I'm pretty sure that thus far (except today) they have all been photographs that I've used but still black and white...so huzzah for that happening by pure accident... 

Thanks yet again to my art pals for the ephemera that has been sent to me, which has enabled me to make such fun collage spreads!  I am a general failure at collecting ephemera...it's a skill I really need to work on...  So, once again, my art friends save the day!  Thanks, you cutie pies! <3

This, That, And The Other

For Journal 52 this week (read more about J52 HERE), the prompt was to create your own garden in your journal.  My take on that was to draw the flowers I am seeing around me this time of year.  And here's what I made:

'Quite Contrary'  ...this is definitely opposite of the noisy pages I've been making lately...

One of my goals this year was to work on more realistic sketches...and I think this counts as practice.  I love this style of white space filled pages, and I really need to make more of them...they make my eyeballs happy!

For Documented Life this week (read more about DL HERE), the prompt was to write your name and embellish it.  I did write my name...kinda sorta...but I embellished it with a drawing that worked a little better for me instead:

I did embellish the page...just not my name...

This is my name, which is on the other side of the flap:

That's my name written in Runes...if I were a Viking, that's what'd be on my checks...
My husband is of Norwegian descent, so the idea of check-writing-Viking Sweets is not too far off...
Now all I need is a helmet with horns and one of those pointy-boob metal bustier thingies and I'll be set!

Here's the close-up of the right page:

"Put on your big girl panties and deal with it?  HA!  You silly thing...all I own are big girl panties!  So why don't you go deal with that?"

I am really happy with my sketchy self-portrait!  I don't know why, but I never draw blubbery girls, even though I am, in fact, a blubbery girl!  I love this sketch though, and I plan on making more girls who have more meat on them...there's just more of us to love, honey! :)

And finally, I have rolled this over and over in my head, and finally decided to start a fake journal.  I've made a second blog to accommodate it, because...well...because it just doesn't belong here.  Hopefully, you will see a difference between what happens there and what happens here.  If you'd like to follow along with it, you'll have to follow it separately from this blog.  

I will be posting the art that goes along with the entries here (along with a link to that day's entry), at least for the time being...but like I said, it's going to be (hopefully) different from what I do here so I won't be forcing all that on you...  

So I introduce to you THE ALTERNATE LIFE OF AMY.

And on that note, I'm out...I'm pretty sure I'm going to be late for work now, but hey...priorities...am I right?

Color Scheming and Keeping On Track

Last week for Journal 52, the prompt was "Color Inspiration" (read more about J52 HERE).

I may have mentioned it before, but I have an intense love of plates (and bowls and cutlery...a lot of kitchen/dining related things appeal to me, I guess)...in a perfect world, I'd have a huge collection of them in every pattern that catches my eye and I'd be happy as a clam.  I'd have one of each and nothing would match and it would be pure utopia for me.  I think I must have inherited this love from my grandma, who had my own personal paradise in her kitchen cabinets...although I think part of her collection was earned honestly: years of sets of plates and many children in her house equaling a lot of breakage...I was just the enthralled observer of the survivors.  Either way, I can remember sitting down at the table hoping I'd get a certain plate...or, even better, opening up the cupboard door and getting to pick which one I wanted.  I still do this at my house, and my husband continually questions why I just can't take a plate off the top of the stack like a normal person...  I can't help it...I love what I love...

Anyway, since this isn't a perfect world, I don't have space for a huge collection of plates...so I have to limit myself to a few REALLY special pieces...the ones that my eyes never want to look away from.  So for this week's J52 page, I chose one of my absolute favorite plates:

My awesome Merit saucer/plate inspiration piece...Isn't it GORGEOUS???
I would totally love to have this tattooed on me somewhere...I love it beyond words!

I really love the pale yellow of the background along with the bright juicy colors in the flower...it just floats my boat!  

I also love the design...the composition and the flower itself...SO awesome!

So even though the prompt was color inspiration...I took it further and just tried to recreate the plate in page form:

YAY!  

Sorry for the dark pictures...I took the picture of the plate during the day (so I'd have a reference photo) and it came out really true to color.  The journal page pictures happened at night, so the colors in the photos are way off what's really on the page (especially the yellow background...it's pale yellow in real life).  Thank goodness we're on the uphill swing with Daylight Savings happening.  I hate losing an hour's sleep, but I do appreciate more daytime hours happening so that I can take better pictures!

"It takes a great deal of courage to see the world in all it's tainted glory and still love it."
- Oscar Wilde

I'm super happy with the drawing of the flower!  Full disclosure...I originally was going to write the quote in that gray color, but my brain forgot how to spell (and you can't erase that marker, darn it!) so I scribbled over my mistake with the marker and just wrote over that (more carefully) with the white pen.  It was a happy accident for me, because I really like the way that dreary gray block on the pretty page ties in with the 'tainted glory' part of the quote!

At some point, I will probably go back and add a page to my J52 journal using only these COLORS as inspiration...because otherwise I'll feel like I 'didn't do it right' and it will bother me until I do...I know, I know...I have issues...  On the positive side, I really do love that color palette, so I think I'll be glad to use it again!

In awkward segway news, I had a hectic week at work, so I actually had this page finished but didn't have time to post!  That's working way too hard in my opinion!!!  I'm going to have to figure out where I can create some time in my life, because this whole working around work thing is just not working for me!

Do you have any ideas on ways to find time?  I feel a little guilty asking this question because, mostly, I go to work, come home, and do art...really the only solution is to become independently wealthy, so if I could just win the lottery or something, that would be great...BUT I really would like to hear any suggestions you have about finding time!  I think it's a topic that a lot of people think about, so maybe you have some awesome ideas about it that can help.  

One thing I think about...notice I said think about, not do...is to keep a schedule (this was actually one of my 'new year's resolutions'...going along with my word of the year: condition)...  I don't have a lot of outside commitments, other than work, but what if I made myself stick to an at-home schedule?  Part of me thinks this would be good, because I feel like I'd get more done if I looked at my free time like I look at my work time...

But a bigger (or at least a more vocal) part of me thinks that I would drive myself crazy trying to stick to a schedule...I've never been much of a plan person...I've been much more of a wing it/see what I feel like doing at the time person.  But I also didn't used to be much of a stick-with-it / routine type of person, and I am finding that I am sticking with art journaling, doing my J52 and DL spreads every week with a vengeance and at work, if I don't do things in the order I usually do, my whole day is thrown into chaos.  What's the deal with that???  Am I really changing so much?  Is 30 year old me going to be that much different than me in my 20's?  Whoa, man, I'm freaking me out a little!

I guess, WAY deep down inside, I know the only solution is to try the schedule thing and see how it works...  scary, I know.  But nothing changes unless we do, right?  Ok, ok, I'll just do it...quit nagging me!  Sheesh!  I'm sure I'll let you know how it goes for me...because otherwise, you might be tempted to doubt my commitment and then where would we be? :)

When I Grow Up

Thanks everybody for all the kind comments from last post.  It was really interesting to me to see how many of you understood exactly where I was coming from.  Sometimes, it's just nice to know we're not alone, isn't it? <3

For today, I've got a page...actually two pages...to share with you from my Journal 52 art journal (you can read more about J52 HERE)  The prompt for this past week was "What did you want to be when you were growing up/what is your dream job?"

I had a hard time with this prompt...I actually had to ask my mom if she could remember what I said I wanted to be!  

I've talked before about the fact that I don't really remember a lot of my childhood.  The funny thing is that I remember odd little things...tiny details...like smells and sounds of specific things.  But for the most part, huge chunks of it don't exist in my memory.  If my family starts talking about something that happened, I can remember more.

I grew up with a very not-nice father.  I think our brains make us forget things we can't handle, and I think that's why I don't have a lot of memories of being a kid.  So when I read the prompt (before I asked my mom if she could remember) "What did you want to be when you grew up?", I could only think of one thing:

"I think I just wanted to be free."

I remember VERY specifically wishing that I could be free.  To be free from my dad's ugliness...to be free from hypocrisy that I saw, even at an early age...to feel free to be a kid and not be afraid of what was going to happen to me if I was 'bad'.  My dad left when I was 16, and I felt very lucky when that happened.  He died a few years ago, and I'm lucky enough, most days, not to hate him anymore, but only pity him.

Freedom is a funny thing, because I don't know that we are ever truly free.  Not often, but sometimes, things my dad said to me when I was little pop into my brain.  

There were a lot of things that he said that don't bother me anymore.  Like being called stupid.  I'm not stupid...I'm actually pretty smart!  It doesn't bother me, because I have proof that he was wrong.  I'm at least smart enough to get myself through life, and who needs to be smarter than that?

But there are other things that I can't seem to shake.  The worst one for me is "No one will ever love you."  And I know that it's not true.  My brain knows that there are a lot of people out there that love me and care about me.  But feeling it, believing it...that's tricky.  Because love is not always a constant thing...once it's there, it can be taken away.  And we can fool ourselves into it and out of it.  And love isn't necessarily reciprocated, sometimes it's one-sided.  And we use the same word for loving food as we do for loving people and we throw around the word like it isn't such a precious thing as it is.  And so love is scary, but we all want it anyway.  We want it so bad it hurts.  And I don't think I'm the only one who feels like that.  I think in the back of a lot of people's minds, there is a tiny mean voice (or sometimes a big booming one) that says 'What if you are just unlovable?'  or 'What if it's a lie?' or 'What if no one loves you ever again?'

I work really hard to squish that lie.  I remind myself that it's a fact that my father was a lying jerk.  I remind myself that even when I don't feel loved, there are people out there just wishing they could make me feel it...even it I'm having a hard time seeing them.  I remind myself that, very importantly...maybe even most importantly, I love myself.  Therefore, at the very least, one person loves me.  And I remind myself that my family loves me...the ones who are my family by blood and my artsy family online too.  And then that mean voice that sounds like my dad shuts the hell up.  As it should.

And so that was my first page...but then I thought, 'Self, you need to have a happy page...you are depressing the crap out of everyone.'  So I texted my mom and asked her if she could remember what it was I dreamed of being when I grew up...

Look it's Baby Sweets!  That is me as a little kiddle, probably five or six years old with my younger sister, Gretchen.  It's really funny, because I couldn't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I remembered what Gretchen wanted to be right away: a 'pay lady'.  For those who don't know (everybody reading this...haha), a 'pay lady' is a cashier.  When we would go to the grocery store, Mom would say "We're ready to go, we just have to pay the lady."  ...and so a cashier became the 'pay lady' to my sister...I think she just wanted to push all the buttons on the register.  For those who are wondering, Gretchen got to live her dream...she was several times in her life so far, a 'pay lady'. 

And mom said that she seemed to recall that I wanted to be a teacher or a writer.  I have absolutely NO recollection of wanting to be a teacher...Mom said I was really young when I wanted to be a teacher.  

But I did remember wanting to be a writer.  That was actually a dream of mine for a long time...I can't believe I didn't think of it!  Books were a big escape for me as a kid.  Mom would have to force me to go outside and play, and even then she'd practically have to frisk me to see if I was hiding a book!  I had a good imagination, and I remember reading things and them being so real to me.  I think that I wanted to be a writer so that I would be able to make up my own stories to live in...

"When I grow up, I want to be a writer." - Amy
I used the picture above as a reference, and I'm a little disappointed in the way it turned out.  Actually it was pretty good as a line drawing, but then I started coloring it in and  I should have just left it alone...  On the positive side, I do like that I used my (non-dominant) left hand to do the writing on the page...it looks like a little kid wrote it, which is what I wanted.

Thanks to the internet and the blog, I get to be a writer now.  In a small way, I get to live my dream...even if it doesn't pay any bills.  :)  I do get very excited when people comment that they like or relate to things I've written here, or when someone compliments something I've said or written in some way.  I started the blog as a way to share my art and to document my progress with that...but somewhere along the way, I started blabbing away and couldn't stop.  These days, a post doesn't feel finished to me until I've given you the story behind the art!  Maybe if my life were more interesting, I could have sold the copyrights by now! :)

So that's what I've got for today...I wanted to be free and I wanted to be a writer (and that, clearly, I was an adorable child...hehehe).  What did you want to be when you grew up?  What about now?  Has your dream job stayed the same, or do you have a different idea of what you want as an adult?  (Mine would be being independently wealthy and not having to have a day job...then I'd just make art and write about it all day long!)