To Live Without Definition

Another late one tonight...overtime and then mending a coat...sigh.  But I'm one post away from a month long blog-a-thon, so I'm doing a quickie tonight!

I used some happy mail napkins I got from my friends Boo and Pamikins quite a while ago, as well as some leftover's from my Journal 52 page for this week and ended up with this:

I guess it's a collage...

I had painted the background and then put other napkins on, but didn't like it...so I tried to take the napkins off...which ended up ripping the pages.  Oh well...let's just say it adds to the finished piece, ok?

"To live is the rarest thing in the world.  Most people exist, that is all."
-Oscar Wilde

I whited out the background on the page with the groups of girls, but left the colorful and crazy background for the individual girl...

While there have been times in my life I've wanted to fit in or, more correctly, to be accepted...those are two entirely separate things after all...I've never quite understood the desire to be like other people.  

In the past, I often wished that my brain functioned the way normal people's brains do...until I realized that most people's brains don't actually function all that well either.  I don't say that in a mean way...although now that I think about it it's probably hard to interpret that in any other way...

What I mean is that I see a lot of people putting "fitting in" over being happy.  I'm not always innocent of that crime myself...less so the older (and wiser) I get though.

The other day, a man I work with called me a free thinker and told me that I was therefore a rare and dangerous breed.  He said that generally people like me are misunderstood and tend to cause a lot of problems just by doing what comes naturally to them...because most people fear things that are different.  I think it was a compliment...

He's not wrong, I guess.  It's been my experience that people like to label things...and when they come across someone that doesn't fit into a predefined category, they're not exactly sure what to do about it.  I imagine that I've been very off-putting to a lot of people in my life so far.

I like to think that I have learned to temper my weirdness with kindness...that I don't try to shove my ways down anyone else's throat. 

I was thinking about Oscar Wilde's quote that I put on my spread today.

I always giggle to myself when people try too hard to stand apart from the crowd...because doing that just lands them in another crowd.  Maybe I'm just a little snobbish about my weirdness.

I wish that we lived in a world where everyone could be free to be themselves at all times.  I think people like to believe we live in that kind of world, but it's not true.  I've not met a person in my life, including me, who is not a watered-down version of the person they'd like to be.  And every single person I've ever known, again including myself, perpetuates the world as it is...because we like to pass judgement, consciously or not...we like our labels...we like to think we know what other people are, to be able to define them.  And to try to define another person is to judge them.

Starting now, I'd like to quit passing judgement on other people and, instead, to concentrate more fully on becoming the undiluted version of me.

Color Scheming and Keeping On Track

Last week for Journal 52, the prompt was "Color Inspiration" (read more about J52 HERE).

I may have mentioned it before, but I have an intense love of plates (and bowls and cutlery...a lot of kitchen/dining related things appeal to me, I guess)...in a perfect world, I'd have a huge collection of them in every pattern that catches my eye and I'd be happy as a clam.  I'd have one of each and nothing would match and it would be pure utopia for me.  I think I must have inherited this love from my grandma, who had my own personal paradise in her kitchen cabinets...although I think part of her collection was earned honestly: years of sets of plates and many children in her house equaling a lot of breakage...I was just the enthralled observer of the survivors.  Either way, I can remember sitting down at the table hoping I'd get a certain plate...or, even better, opening up the cupboard door and getting to pick which one I wanted.  I still do this at my house, and my husband continually questions why I just can't take a plate off the top of the stack like a normal person...  I can't help it...I love what I love...

Anyway, since this isn't a perfect world, I don't have space for a huge collection of plates...so I have to limit myself to a few REALLY special pieces...the ones that my eyes never want to look away from.  So for this week's J52 page, I chose one of my absolute favorite plates:

My awesome Merit saucer/plate inspiration piece...Isn't it GORGEOUS???
I would totally love to have this tattooed on me somewhere...I love it beyond words!

I really love the pale yellow of the background along with the bright juicy colors in the flower...it just floats my boat!  

I also love the design...the composition and the flower itself...SO awesome!

So even though the prompt was color inspiration...I took it further and just tried to recreate the plate in page form:

YAY!  

Sorry for the dark pictures...I took the picture of the plate during the day (so I'd have a reference photo) and it came out really true to color.  The journal page pictures happened at night, so the colors in the photos are way off what's really on the page (especially the yellow background...it's pale yellow in real life).  Thank goodness we're on the uphill swing with Daylight Savings happening.  I hate losing an hour's sleep, but I do appreciate more daytime hours happening so that I can take better pictures!

"It takes a great deal of courage to see the world in all it's tainted glory and still love it."
- Oscar Wilde

I'm super happy with the drawing of the flower!  Full disclosure...I originally was going to write the quote in that gray color, but my brain forgot how to spell (and you can't erase that marker, darn it!) so I scribbled over my mistake with the marker and just wrote over that (more carefully) with the white pen.  It was a happy accident for me, because I really like the way that dreary gray block on the pretty page ties in with the 'tainted glory' part of the quote!

At some point, I will probably go back and add a page to my J52 journal using only these COLORS as inspiration...because otherwise I'll feel like I 'didn't do it right' and it will bother me until I do...I know, I know...I have issues...  On the positive side, I really do love that color palette, so I think I'll be glad to use it again!

In awkward segway news, I had a hectic week at work, so I actually had this page finished but didn't have time to post!  That's working way too hard in my opinion!!!  I'm going to have to figure out where I can create some time in my life, because this whole working around work thing is just not working for me!

Do you have any ideas on ways to find time?  I feel a little guilty asking this question because, mostly, I go to work, come home, and do art...really the only solution is to become independently wealthy, so if I could just win the lottery or something, that would be great...BUT I really would like to hear any suggestions you have about finding time!  I think it's a topic that a lot of people think about, so maybe you have some awesome ideas about it that can help.  

One thing I think about...notice I said think about, not do...is to keep a schedule (this was actually one of my 'new year's resolutions'...going along with my word of the year: condition)...  I don't have a lot of outside commitments, other than work, but what if I made myself stick to an at-home schedule?  Part of me thinks this would be good, because I feel like I'd get more done if I looked at my free time like I look at my work time...

But a bigger (or at least a more vocal) part of me thinks that I would drive myself crazy trying to stick to a schedule...I've never been much of a plan person...I've been much more of a wing it/see what I feel like doing at the time person.  But I also didn't used to be much of a stick-with-it / routine type of person, and I am finding that I am sticking with art journaling, doing my J52 and DL spreads every week with a vengeance and at work, if I don't do things in the order I usually do, my whole day is thrown into chaos.  What's the deal with that???  Am I really changing so much?  Is 30 year old me going to be that much different than me in my 20's?  Whoa, man, I'm freaking me out a little!

I guess, WAY deep down inside, I know the only solution is to try the schedule thing and see how it works...  scary, I know.  But nothing changes unless we do, right?  Ok, ok, I'll just do it...quit nagging me!  Sheesh!  I'm sure I'll let you know how it goes for me...because otherwise, you might be tempted to doubt my commitment and then where would we be? :)