I feel like I accomplished my goal pretty well...of course, you can tell it's mine because it's badly drawn! (Haha!)
I like that he's shrugging his shoulders...he doesn't know what's going on either!
Of course, one of the things I treasure is my Frida:
Alright, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.
She's such a doofus (you can tell from looking at her, can't you?), but I say that in the most loving way possible! There are times when I want to throttle her (she was SO BAD on our walk the other day!) but then she does something goofy and all the misbehavior is forgotten in the giggle fits she causes.
Today, I've got my spread for JOURNAL 52'S prompt "Collage Crazy":
"Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve." -J.K. Rowling
I can't even explain how much I love this spread!
Scrapbook paper base, followed by napkins, a wash of color, followed by gesso through a stencil and some glorious drippage!
Hubba hubba!
It's not my usual for sure, but I really love how this turned out! SQUEAL OF DELIGHT! SQUEAL OF DELIGHT!
Sigh. Glorious!
I'm magically in love with this spread, and I love the sentiment behind it as well...the idea that the world is my oyster if I can only work up some nerve...or moxy if you will...I love that word...moxy.
I've worked on getting my moxy back since I've made my major life move...and one thing I did was to get a haircut:
Ugh. Selfies. But on the positive side, my hair is fabulous.
Considering the fact that my hair was halfway down my back when I got this cut, I'd say that more than a little moxy was required. But I love it!
When I got my haircut, the lady (who my sister uses and recommended) said "You know, you just have the perfect attitude to pull this haircut off." Which I took as a huge compliment, because to me, short hair takes confidence. You don't have anything to hide behind...to shrink into when you're nervous. You're just out there!
So maybe my moxy wasn't entirely gone...it was just simmering quietely beneath the surface...waiting to be let loose on the world...
For me, what this prompt brought into focus was the thought to guard my heart. I've worked really hard to let myself be open and vulnerable, but there comes a point when one might go too far. Too much of a good thing and all that. I've realized I need to put a few walls back up. It's important when one follows one's heart to take your brain as well.
Love those triangles.
Sometimes people are just not what you need them to be...they're just not good people when it comes to you. They take advantage of kindness...they use you...
"Suddenly...it hit me." My custom element for this spread are sticky labels that I've used to wipe my left-over paints on since I've been here at moms...they are pretty nifty and an easy way to get some color on the page.
It suddenly hit me that being my friend is a privilege, not a right. I don't have to stand for someone taking advantage of me or doing me wrong...I don't have to deal with that crap!
This spread for JOURNAL 52 sums it up nicely, I think:
"You rule your own life."
You rule your own life. I rule mine. You rule yours. What an epiphany!
This was for the 'Cards' prompt, and I used a queen card as the base for this...the queen of hearts actually...hence the no arms. But Queenie McArmless here reminds me that I have power over my heart and my life...I'm not lost to the whims of either.
It's up to each of us individually to decide what we are willing to deal with and what we are not...what we find acceptable and what we take exception to. I don't get to tell you. You don't get to tell me. ...I mean, you can try, but I'll stick my fingers in my ears and start humming and ignore you, so there! :)
Sometimes I am both amazed and frustrated by how long it takes me to really 'get' things.
I mean, I would never think of telling another person how they should live their life...and yet, it's taken me all this time to realize that they shouldn't be doing it to me either. I would never intentionally take advantage of another person, and yet, it's only now that I see it's not fair for someone to do it to me...
At least I've finally learned it I suppose...I just hope that, if there are any more blazing epiphanies to be had, I'll be a quicker study in the future.
Having a space of my own has been on my mind A LOT lately...I'll explain more in an upcoming post...but I used my inspiration board spread to remind me how I would want my own space to feel: vintage, but colorful and fun. I started out with the painting on the left page, which was cut from a catalog (I LOVE that painting!), and the image of the lady with her eyes closed (also on the left page)...I've used her more than once, and I think she's so adorable!
Then there's week 13's prompt, which was SPRING CLEAN:
This was not the most thrilling of prompts for me, due to a natural aversion to cleaning...but I like how that broom ended up turning out!
"Sometimes you just have to sweep the whole darn mess under the rug!" Lately, I have been feeling a little overwhelmed by various sundry thoughts...a whole lot of thinking, planning, and dreaming of what the future might hold, what might happen, and how to deal with it if it does...it was getting to be too much! This spread is to remind me that I don't have to figure everything out all at once. If I need to, I can "sweep it under the rug" for a while...it will still be there, to deal with in the future, but not so in-my-face. It's giving myself permission to say 'I will cross that bridge when I get there'.
And finally, for week 14's prompt, SWEET TREATS, I made this spread:
I have been luckily enthralled with fruit two times this week...fruits that actually taste like what they're supposed to taste like! The first was a watermelon that was gloriously juicy and delicious and so documented. And the second was a strawberry that was so good I could have cried from one of the plants we planted in mom's back yard. Seriously, it was the best strawberry I've had in MANY, MANY years! I'm waiting for the others to get ripe so I can go steal them off the vines... :)
I've got some more stuff ready to share with you, just need to take the pictures, but it should be coming soon! Until then, I'll be in the strawberry patch waiting to swipe the next ripe berries...
"Whether we color outside of them, blur them, or draw our own, it would probably be wise to keep in mind that every once in a while, they're there for a really, really good reason." I love, love, LOVE that stamp set!
"I just wish I could remember how not to hate the gray areas and the ever-present in-betweens."
My spreads look as blah as I feel... I don't know what happened. I must be overly tired. Sometimes when I'm sleep deprived, I get these super creepy thoughts that I can't shake, and it makes me get a sick stomach...that's what happened last night.
When I was younger, I did not mind the unsettled, slightly chaotic feelings of things changing.
The older I get though, the more I hate that feeling of waiting to see what happens...I wish I could fast-forward through it and get to the settled part a little more quickly.
But I don't want to be like that...wishing huge chunks of my life away because of the small discomfort of shifting around. I want to remember how those times are exciting because anything could happen...not the current pessimistic view that causes me to doubt that anything good will come of it all.
How do I get back to feeling like life was an adventure to be had, not a punishment to be endured? I don't always feel like that...not always...but when I do, it seems to want to stick with me and cast a fog over everything. And then there I am again, wishing away pieces of time...a bitter cycle.
Oh well. I know from experience that, as quickly as it came on, the haze of depressing thoughts will lift away again, leaving me with a brighter sky and a little more hope. Until then, I will just muddle through as good as I can.
Today I've got my spread for week 9 of JOURNAL 52, where the prompt was "Artistic Restraint" (using only one color, plus black and white, and one shape). I love what I ended up with! Here's what I made:
Oh yeah... *sigh of super happiness*
I know that I had said 2015 would be the year of the non-face pages for me, but I did say I might throw one or two in throughout the year if it was the prompt or felt right to do so...
I chose orange as my one color, only because it's the one color I don't use very often at all...and chose circles as my one shape. As I was adding those shades and tints of orange, I realized I had no idea where I was going with this piece...I thought I had arted myself into a corner.
But once I finished the page and sat back and looked at it, I was immediately reminded of a dear childhood friend of mine, Arlene, who's favorite color was orange. Once I thought of that, I couldn't shake it...and so I went to work sketching out a face on my page. Still using only orange and tinting/shading it with white/black, I worked on skin tone and making her look more dimensional.
For my friend Arlene, wherever life may have taken her...
My lady doesn't really look like my friend did, but she does call her to mind. Instead of an afro like the lady above, Arlene's hair had these amazing spiral curls that stuck out with a grand amount of volume from her beautiful face...they were so energetic and spunky...I loved them and was always so jealous of them...I can't tell you how bad I wanted my own hair to have those exact curls. Ninety percent of the time, Arlene...did not love them...she wanted boring, straight hair like mine...which was pure crazy in my opinion... That's how it always seems to go, you want the opposite of what you have...that's everybody I guess...we weren't special in that.
I haven't seen Arlene in a million years...not since before I got married...11 or 12 years, maybe...I lost track of her over time...growing up takes its toll and we forget what's really important.
But I still think of her when I see the color orange or smell Clinique "Happy" perfume. She was hilarious and extremely talented...the most naturally talented artist I've ever personally met, with the possible exception of my sister Marian. She was one of those people that people couldn't help but like...she could have a comfortable conversation with anybody. She was beautiful inside and out, and I've never seen a person who exuded confidence in the same way as she did: quietly and humbly, but without a doubt that it was there. I often wish, even now, that I knew how to do the same.
This is my favorite piece that I've done in quite a while. For the fact that the lady came out of my head, with no reference photo...for the fact that I only used one color plus black and white to bring her into existence...and for the fact that it calls to mind a good person who I had forgotten for a time.
Arlene, wherever you are, you're still on my mind and I miss you and love you. I hope life has been as kind to you as you always were to me.
I'm slowly but surely working my way through all the prompts I've missed during the craziness so far this year... I'm trying, you know...I'm trying.
The first thing I've got to show you today is for week 6 (back in February) of JOURNAL 52, the prompt being "Windows":
"Losing love is like a window in your heart, everybody sees you're blown apart."
-Paul Simon
It's from the fantastic song "Graceland" by Paul Simon:
That song has some great lyrics, and I'll probably return to grab more of them in the future...
Then there's the DOCUMENED LIFE prompt (from the last week of January) "What Lies Beneath?", with the art challenge of "Under Paper" and here's what I ended up with:
"Flowers grow in all kinds of dirt."
Not one of my favorite pieces (me and painting flowers just don't get along for some reason!), but the sentiment's true!
And finally, there's week 7 of JOURNAL 52, which had the prompt of "Valentines" and here's what I made:
"I'm amorous but out of reach."
I'm not sure about this one...it actually looks much better in person, the lines aren't so noticeable and the colors are a little different looking as well...but on camera...well, it looks like this...meh...I don't know...
I got the line from this song, "Valentine" by Fiona Apple:
And used this painting by Raphaelle Peale as an inspiration:
"Still Life With Peach"
And that's a couple more towards catching up!
I've actually got more to share with you, it's just a matter of getting the blog posts typed up...which is time consuming if I write in my usual way...hence the super condensed version today. But next time, I've got one with pictures that show the progress of the page, and coming up really soon, I'll share a piece that I am super proud of! So just bear with me...I'm still trying to get the new balance of life down and I'm just not there yet. But soon, I think...I know I've got a lot of lovely people rooting for me. <3
I've been adjusting (more on that later) and I actually managed to do a couple of art journal pages, so I thought I'd share them with you...as proof that I'm not dead and all that...
The first page is for JOURNAL 52...week 5...the television prompt, posted way back in January...yes, I am that behind...shame of shames!
"You spent half your life trying to turn the other half around." -Kathleen Edwards
What does that page have to do with TV you ask? The words are from this song by Kathleen Edwards, called "Six O'Clock News":
I am not a TV watcher by nature...even when I do, I've got to do something else while I watch...and I wasn't really feeling the TV prompt...until I remembered that song and the line "You spent half your life trying to turn the other half around." Which I really like and had more to do with where I'm at right now than any other TV related thing, so I just went with it.
And then there's the DOCUMENTED LIFE spread...also from way back in January...I feel so behind! (Probably because I AM THAT BEHIND!) The Art Challenge for this spread was "writing" and the Journal Prompt was "words with friends" and here's what I came up with:
You can't see it very much, but I used writing as my beginning layer...it only shows through in a few places.
I got the words on this page from this song, "Time to Leave" by Melissa Ferrick:
And I think they are some wise words indeed:
"You can't fix anyone else, babe."
"Being a friend means knowing when it's time to leave"
Aside from getting a little art journaling in, KAT MCNALLY'S APRIL MOON (still time to join!) has started, and I've been pondering the prompts in my head...she's got such a knack for helping you get to the meat of things, instead of just fluttering on the surface...she just asks the right questions, I guess.
Kat's Reverb14 prompts last year had a very profound affect on me. In fact, they are part of the answer to the first April Moon prompt:
"That's when I knew that this chapter of my life had ended. And now I was free to..."
The thought of leaving my husband is something that had occurred to me many times...but there was always a reason not to...me talking myself out of it with one thing or another. Because it's wasn't something to do lightly. So I stayed and things just kept piling up and piling up and I stayed and things piled. And for years of my life, I waited and hoped things would change. But they didn't change. And so I decided that maybe if I changed, then it would be an inspiration to others and then they would change too. But that's not what happened.
There was a point last year, during Reverb14, where I was sitting there typing my answer to one of the prompts and I thought to myself 'I don't want to live this life'. I was so, so tired of trying and trying and having nothing to show for it. I'd worked hard to make things better...but I was the only one who was changing...everything around me stayed very much the same...despite my needing it to be otherwise...despite my pleas for something/anything to be different.
And something in me just snapped...I knew that nothing was ever going to change. I knew that I was always going to live this same sad existence every day and have that for my life. And I knew that I did not want to live that life forever. There had been so much opportunity for things to have ended differently between my husband (Andy) and myself, but Andy was comfortable with the way things were...he didn't want anything to be different, and he didn't seem to care very much about what I wanted. This is not different from the entirety of my marriage...the difference is that I was not ok with it anymore, and I was not willing to keep trying. He made his choice, and I'm not mad about it...I just wasn't going to let him make my choices anymore. I needed things to be different and I wasn't going to be the only one compromising any more. One person can't hold up the world.
And so I left, and I've been staying with my mom since January. And in some ways, I feel in transition still...not settled...because this is not the end of the line for me...I will get my own place eventually and have my own space and take care of myself completely by myself...and so as I sit here and type away on mom's computer, in mom's house, I feel like a bit of a transient.
But the thing is, I know now that I am free to do things differently. That I won't always have this feeling of unrest...that I will find a place to put down roots. I don't have to do the same things I've always done. I can make another choice. I can forge my own path. And I'm working on it.
And that leads me to the second prompt for April Moon:
"Knowing what I know now, I would tell my ten-years-ago self:"
Not to damn wait.
Ten years ago, I was a year and a half into my marriage, and had pretty well already started to have doubts about it. Instead of listening to my gut, I listened to other people. People, who despite having the best of intentions, didn't really have the right to decide what I should do. I chose to listen to them, and I lost a lot of time and opportunities.
I would tell my former self to get it together...pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get to it. Nobody in life is going to hand you what you want, and you don't get anything by sitting there wishing for it. If you want it, go work for it. Don't let anybody tell you who you are and don't let anybody guilt you into being something that you don't want to be.
I'd tell her the same thing I am telling myself today: Figure out what it is that you want and go get it. Knuckle down, quit your whining and make things happen. You don't get to blame anyone else ever again. Whatever you end up with, good or bad, is because of your actions or lack of them, so whatever choice you make, you better be ready to make it work.
And on that forceful note, I'm done for today...
I'll leave you with some cuteness...Frida the adorable (and growing like a weed) puppy dog:
Had to trick her with treats next to the camera so as to get her to stay still...
...the paw on the leg is the last ditch effort at patience...half a second after I snapped this pic, she jumped up, head-butted me and stole the treat...
My sweet friend JACKIE (AKA MY HONEY) nominated me to participate in a little challenge, where you share pictures of some of your older art.
This has proven to be a little difficult for me, because I've only been sincerely arting it up for a few years...and shared 99.9% of my art here on the blog...so you've probably already seen it!
And then I wondered if I've ever shown the canvases I did in the past...and I think the answer is no, so here you go:
I copied this mermaid from something I saw on Pinterest...so long ago I have no idea who's work it was, so I apologize! I was really pleased over how she turned out at the time...now I see all kinds of things I coulda/shoulda/woulda done differently. I guess it just goes to show that I've gotten to be a better artist over time!
This girl is the same way...all the stuff I learned between then and now is calling my name! I do still enjoy her hair (which is scrapbook paper!) and I still find her mouth to be saucy and happy-making! Also, I just noticed that dry erase board underneath the canvas says November...I just looked over at it...it actually says November 2012...clearly I don't use that dry erase board as much as I once thought I would...
The background on this one was my favorite...and the sentiment is one that I stick by too! I used alcohol inks to make the background on all these canvases and this one looked like plaid to me and made me very happy!
All three of these canvases are hanging on the wall in my studio...they remind me of how far I've come in my art! Even my lettering skills have improved since then, despite the fact that I've not really practiced it like I claimed I would (and keep claiming!)...this must support my theory that any kind of art practice improves your art over all...so I may not have been practicing lettering, but I was fiendishly practicing other things and better lettering was a happy byproduct!
Before taking up art/art journaling, I was creative in other ways.
Like sewing:
Made for my nephew Michael, from a Simplicity pattern.
Made up my own pattern for her!
Made from a pattern from a book called Wee Wonderfuls, which is a FANTASTIC book on soft toy making!
I also embroidered:
Elephant, from a pattern
From my imagination
Crocheted:
Actually, I crocheted A LOT...this was from a pattern from LUCY AT ATTIC24...at one point, crochet was like art journaling is for me now and I was quite the little busy hooker! (haha)
And I did dabble in painting as well...just not the journaling kind:
He's a magnet...he still makes me laugh every time I look at him!
And this is Stanley, my Mom's "gentleman caller"...also hilarious, in my opinion...
I was thinking about all my past arting and crafting as I worked on this week's JOURNAL 52 spread. (The prompt is "Silhouettes".)
I decided to use some of my MANY stamps that I never use...
While I've not always been an art journaler, I have always been a creative person. My sister and I used to joke that I was "a craft acquiring junkie"...if I saw it and liked it, I had to try it...HAD TO.
I love those little stamp gals...so cute! I went over the stamp lines in black marker to darken them and to give them a more 'drawn' look...it's a great way to cheat if you're not good at drawing, plus tracing things will help your hand get the feel of drawing, which will help you be a better draw-er...it sounds crazy, but it's true!
Now I think I must have just been searching for the right thing for me. Don't get me wrong, I do tend to love all things creative...and there was a time that I thought making soft toys was my passion and that crochet was my one true talent...but when I started art journaling...OH BABY! It's a whole different kettle of fish!
"We must all be beautiful in our own way."
But that doesn't mean those years spent on other creative endeavors were wasted...or that sewing or knitting or jewelry making or writing or any other creative act is any less artistic. It only means that we can define art in many ways...and that they are equally valid and important.
When I look at my beginning art stuff, I cringe a little, because I can see so many flaws. But, while I do see those glaring flaws in my work, I can say that those works are still beautiful in their own way. All those flaws led me to become better. In a couple more years, I will look at my current work and hopefully be able to say that it too is flawed but led me to improve even further.
Sometimes the beauty in our art is not in the outward appearance of it. Sometimes the beauty comes from a hidden meaning only we know. Sometimes it comes from the years of hard work it represents. And sometimes it comes from the fact that we were brave enough to try something new.
So my spread today is meant to encourage myself (and hopefully you too!) to find the beauty in everything around me, especially when it's not readily evident.
