Playing Catch-Up Again

I'm playing catch-up again.  Today, I've got Journal 52, Documented Life Project (DLP), and Alternate Amy stuff to share with you.

For Journal 52 last week, the prompt was "Recycled Art" and you can read more about it HERE.  I went VERY minimal with my page...here it is:

Her dress is made from the inside of a security envelope that my bank statement came in.

Like I said, minimal.  I like white space sometimes.  When I do too many in a row full of busy color, it shakes things up to do one with a lot of white space!  And this gal's definitely got that going for her...

For DLP, which you can read more about HERE, the prompt was "Photograph or draw your favorite shoes, and here's my spread:

I photographed this and then realized that I had left the journaling card to the right of the deer blank...it now says "Very dear to me."  ...because I am corny like that...

And here's the close-up of my shoe sketch:

♥ my adidas ♥

I really do love my Adidas...they make me feel like one of the cool kids...and they are fantastically comfortable...which is very important to me.  They are grey suede high tops, and I love them with a love I very rarely experience in regards to inanimate objects!

Lastly, I have today's Alternate Amy spread to share with you:

"She felt like a kid again."

You can read the diary post HERE, or just enjoy the art.

I've got some more art to share with you...but I'm not promising anything...every time I say "tomorrow", it ends up being a week later...so maybe if I say sometime soon...then it will actually be within the next few days.  

I've got some weird personal stuff going on right now.  I know I'm usually pretty forthcoming with everything that's going on in my life, but for this, I need some time to think.  It's why I've been a little on the quiet side recently, and I just need some time to work my way to the answer...so it may be a little quiet here for a while...but don't give up on me, pals!  I will keep posting my art as often as I can and I hope that you'll forgive me for being a bad internet friend/awesome hermit.  To give you an inkling of the seriousness of my situation, know this: I haven't even wanted to make art...yeah, so you know it's bad.  But never fear, I'll be back on track soon and know that I can't wait to see what beautiful art you all are making in the mean time. <3<3<3

Alternate Amy's First Journal Entry

I just finished writing the first post over at my fake journal blog, which you can read HERE, if you are interested...if not, please enjoy the art that I made to go along with the entry.

On a side note, how hot was Paul Newman?  Yowza!

Additional side note: isn't that girl silhouette the COOLEST?  My older sister sent me some a long time ago.  Her local library has a die cutting machine that you can use if you bring your own paper...how jealous am I?  (Answer: SUPER jealous!)

Documented Life Week 4...Too Severe To Be Easily Forgotten

Have you ever had something happen to you...something you never thought bothered you...and all of the sudden, this thing hits you like a ton of bricks?  And you're so completely taken back by this thing...this stupid thing that never mattered before...that it's all you can think about?

It happened to me this week, and it's what's my Documented Life spread for today is about.  (You can read more about DL HERE.)

Do you remember being at school, and a group of the 'cool' kids would be talking and some kid would walk by and one of them would say to the other, "Look, Jeremy, there's your girlfriend.",  and it was always the dorkiest, grossest, 'loser' kid in the school?  I know you know what I'm talking about.

Well, more or less, that happened to me at work...I was the 'girlfriend'.

Now, when forced to think about my appearance, I tend to take a realistic view.  I know I'm not the hottest thing on the block...I know I'm not stopping traffic or getting cat calls or whistles or whatever it is that babes get these days...*cough...herpes...cough...cough*  But, I'm also not a total hideous beast-monster...nobody's eyeballs start spouting blood when they look at me or anything like that.

Additionally, I'm 30... I work at a factory...theoretically, with other 'adults'...should I even have to be talking about this?  Seriously...

My less...noble...side wants to divert attention to someone else and say 'You think I'm the worst looking person in this place?  Have you seen that girl...at least I cover my shame.'  ...I'm not proud of that...but it's true... 

'secretly, deep inside' (acrylic over writing, colored pencil, canvas stickers)

The stupid thing about it is that I always thought I didn't care how people felt about my looks.  Why should I care?  I have basically no control over it.  I mean think about it, barring plastic surgery, what am I supposed to do?  Besides, I'm an awesome person...that should totally make up for whatever I lack in the looks department.

Generally, I would just laugh things like this off...heck, I'd probably be the first one making the joke about myself.  But when faced with the thought that I am the most hideous person someone can point out in a building full of people...well, I guess my pride felt a line was crossed.

'I forget if I love you or not' (acrylic over writing, multiple stencils, canvas stickers, die-cuts, book pages,and Heidi Swapp ColorShine spray)

The whole thing just brought up a bunch of weird feelings for me.  Not that I go around thinking I'm a gorgeous super model or anything, but this situation made me feel ugly.  

I know the important thing is how I view myself...but the thing is, I never think of myself in terms of 'pretty' or 'ugly'...I look in the mirror and I see someone who is smart and funny and kind...I don't think about it the other way.  And I love that about myself!  And really, I always kind of figured it was up to other people to decide if I'm good looking or not.  I mean, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder', right?  I know its my job to make sure I'm pretty on the inside...and I try really hard to accomplish that!  But as far as the outside...once I shower and brush my hair and make sure I don't have any visible boogers in my nose or something stuck in my teeth, I feel like my job is pretty much done...  But whatever small amount of vanity I have never thought I'd be on the receiving end of a "Jeremy's girlfriend" comment either...

I guess now we know for sure...

My husband finds this whole thing hilarious...and I say "Yuck it up, you're the one who married my ugly butt!"  He always calls me 'low-maintenance', but after being hit by a barrage of "do you think I'm cute?" all week, he might be forced to reexamine that theory...

This is all a little silly, really, and I know it.  But the project is to document life, right?  And life is the good and the bad and all the in-between stuff.  I don't know why I let it bother me so bad...I'm pretty well over it now...I guess the only thing I'm really certain of...is that I am NOT Jeremy's girlfriend.

Bea and Bee...Face 4 of 29

Day 4 of 29 Faces and my 30 posts in 30 days do-over!  

Here's today's face:

Bea and bee

The pretty red paper with the sweet cut-out corners came from my loverly friend Jackie B.  Jackie, see what I did there...with your last name?  I'm feeling quite clever about the whole thing... :)  Thank you for my AWESOME care package!  

I've been having great fun with the 29 Faces challenge!  I'm happy to be trying new things.  The simple line drawing today, with just a few things colored in, on the red paper makes me smile.  I resisted the urge to color the rest of her in...it wasn't easy...but I'm glad I did!  I like her how she is!

I am so excited to wake up and work on my faces.  And I am super happy for all the nice comments and glad to be getting to see everybody's faces too!  I'm working hard to keep up with the comments and to stay on track with posting each day!  It is a challenge...but, it's a FUN challenge!

Don't forget to come back on September 29th to see what the surprise prize will be and for your chance to win!  In the meantime, if you haven't done it yet, why not sign up to follow my blog?  It's so easy...and it will be a nice reminder to have a chance at winning!   Big squishes!

Sweet and Gentle...Face 1 of 29

I am super excited for the 29 Faces challenge!  You all know of my enduring love of faces, so this challenge seems like the perfect one for me!  You can click on the picture below to find out more about 29 Faces:

My first face is in my huge Dylusions Creative Journal, which you may remember is also the book I am doing Inner Excavations work in...I'm actually killing two birds with one stone on this spread, first face and the IE spread are one and the same.

Napkin (from my darling Pamikins!) in the background, die cut flower border thingie (from the kind Laura E.), acrylic paint and Microns (black for girl outline, sepia for lettering...should have done both the same, but my black one seemed to be sputtering it's last...)

I had grand intentions for this spread, starting out with the beautiful napkin from Pamikins.  I rarely get too uptight about what I want something to look like.  I have a general idea of what I want to happen, but because my imagination can do a lot of things that my hands haven't learned to do quite yet, I try not to get too persnickety.  But with this page, I was a little over-confident.

"Self," I said, "self, we are going to do this, this, and this...it's going to be easy..."  And right there was the point I should have stopped myself, because the logical side of my brain knows that me and plans NEVER MESH!  But my logical side kept her mouth shut for some reason, so I forged ahead...  And, through a series of what I'm going to call critical errors, what was in my head was absolutely NOT what came out on the page!  

But all is not lost...I do like what ended up happening...it's just not what I planned for it to be.  Luckily, I do have more of the napkin to work with, I only used about a fourth of it in this spread, so I get to have a do-over and I can try my grandiose plan again...  And since I know what my critical errors were this time, I will at least make new mistakes next time!  

The positives on this page are:

• I experimented with a different color scheme.
• I like that the Eiffel Tower from the napkin shows through so clearly.
• I like that there is an interesting perspective, the girl looks in the foreground and the Tower in the distance...neat!
• I LOVE that I got to use some of the goodies from the care packages I've been sent.  (Thank you beautiful gals for the goodies!!!)
• I like the concept of the wind/breeze blowing the hair and dress.
• I REALLY like that the girl extends outside of the border I made around the edge of the pages.  I've seen that in other people's work, and I think it looks so awesome when people do it!

The questionable things for me were:

• The color scheme...I'm glad I went for something different, but I don't know that I am super enthralled with it.  
• I kind of didn't give this poor girl a neck.  I don't know what happened...  But she just looks a little neck-less to me.
• My lettering skills are something I really need to work on...I have complained about my horrible handwriting long enough, I need to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
• I love the concept of the blowing breeze, but the execution is not correct.  I need to work on showing movement a little more smoothly.

So there you go...that's my 'realistic' critique of my own work...what do you think, is it a reasonable one?

I wish I could figure out how to get more accurate colors in my photos...the highlights in her hair are not bright yellow like they seem to be in this picture...  They are pretty contrast-y, but not quite as harsh as what the camera picked up...

"Hold on to the good with both hands, and let a sweet and gentle breeze blow over you and steal away the rest so you can be light and free."  Thank you to Boo for the idea of holding onto something with both hands...she said that in a comment once, I think in reference to joy, and I liked that phrase so much that I had to put it in a page! 

As far as the Inner Excavations work, the chapter I did this week was Chapter 5: I Look Closer.  This chapter deals with what we see when we look at ourselves.  There were some prompts to take self portrait pictures, and so I did that...nothing too spectacular came about...I've seen my face...so have you if you've been reading the blog for a while...  This chapter (and the whole book, really) deals with the internal aspect as opposed to outward appearance.  And I kind of giggled to myself a little, because when I think about the art I've been making and the things I've been writing on the blog, it seems like everything I do, especially lately, deals with my inner self.  I've made a lot of changes, and there are still a lot of things I want to change as well.  I've had so many highs, and I've had a few pity parties.  Since I talk a lot about myself in my spreads and on the blog already, I really wanted to make this spread be an overview instead of being specific.  So how do I see me?  I see myself grabbing up the good and letting the not-so-good get swept far, far away from me.  

When I first started making art and doing the blog, I didn't  have anywhere near the amount of self-awareness that I do now.  Seriously, go back to the beginning and look for yourself!  I made art for the sake of making art and then I showed pictures on the blog.  I wasn't always a blabbermouth about the squishy inside stuff.  I've never really been that kind of person...

I don't know when or how the switch happened exactly...I just know I view things a lot differently now.  I can admit to having emotions... (What? I have emotions???  I know, it was a shock to me too!)   Before, outwardly, I was in a constant state of denial or, in the very least, silence.  Internal-wise, everything stayed in my head, spinning around and around on a constant loop!  I was fixated on everything and nothing at the same time.  I never let anything out of my head, so it just stayed there and became a stagnant hurricane.  I couldn't concentrate on one thing long enough to work to fix it because there was so much clutter in there that everything fell into my lap at one time.  There was just no way to function!

At some point, I realized that I was doing art, but not art journaling.  I wanted to be able to look back at my life and know how I felt when I made a certain piece.  So I just started.  I'm sure I started pretty small, but I made myself put some little piece of me into what I made.  A little practice...and a little bit of forcing myself to do something I wasn't quite comfortable with...was all it took.  Once I started earnestly trying to get things out, they started to flow out really quickly!  There were (and continue to be) a lot of things that have taken me by surprise...feelings I didn't know I had, thoughts I was entirely unaware of!  I could put something onto a page and it would stay there...it would quit circling around in my brain!  I could pull out all the bits and pieces, put them on a page and form relevant conclusions!  I could look at an issue and think about it rationally...I could analyze it...I could figure out what was behind it and what I could do to change it if I wanted to!  I can't even begin to explain how much of a relief it is.

When I write about it on the blog, I kind of feel like I'm getting to share, not only my art, but also my life...my inner workings...my progress and setbacks.  All my life, I've kind of felt like a lone weirdo in a world of people so different from me.  Normal is boring, I know, but it's pretty lonely if you've always got the feeling that you're on the outside looking in.  Since I started sharing all this beautiful mess, I've gotten to know that other people feel the same as I do, or at least that they understand where I'm coming...it's an amazing and beautiful thing!

I think it was C.S. Lewis who said "We read to know we are not alone.", but for me, I want to change it to write.  I write to know I'm not alone...and for other people to know that they're not alone either.  At first, I wrote the blog so that I could share my art...I wanted critique...I wanted validation...I wanted someone to tell me I was decent...or at least to tell me how I could become better.  I can't lie, I still kind of want that! (Haha!)  But now, more than solely being about trying to make art, I want to write all my jibber-jabber that goes along with the art...I want people to know that they are not the only ones who feel a certain way.  I want people to see the good parts and the messed up parts and everything in between.  Every time my brain spits out some randomness, I want to type it out as fast as I can and look around and see who else feels the same way...so that both of us can know we're not lone weirdos!  We're at least a group of weirdos...and if there's a group of us, we can't be that weird after all.

On and on...

Words can't really express my gratitude for all the kind and beautiful comments from yesterday's post.  Every single on of them made my heart swell  with love.  You can't imagine how much you all lift me up and make me want to just give you gigantic smooches and squishes.  Thank you all so very much.

I was thinking about all the kind comments I received yesterday while I was trying to work on the spread for my BOD (Book of Days) journal.  I also had some music going on in the background, as I always do.  There was this serendipitous moment where I stopped working and looked up at the computer, still having the comments from yesterday's post on the screen, and my eyes landed on my lovely Pamikins comment where she wrote: "please understand, your legacy will live on Your art speaks volumes, it will always live on" (What a HUGE compliment!)  and the song in the background was playing and the lyrics were "She's still got infinity ahead of her".  And I stopped in my tracks, poured some gesso over the page I had originally started and began working on this:

"She's still got infinity ahead of her..."  napkin, Dylusions, stencils, die cuts, Silks acrylic glazes, glittery border stickers, Aquamarkers, and shimmery (I wanted to call it pearlescent...but spell check is telling me that's either not a word or REALLY not spelled right) acrylic paint

Also a moment of awesomeness is that I used a napkin that my darling Pamikins had sent me in a care package...I didn't realize it till after I'd glued it down, but I do believe that paisley napkin came from her!  So Paminkins, you get a whole heap of credit today!

And, to a lesser extent, this song also gets some credit:

Really, all the comments from yesterday and every day before share the credit.  I know I wouldn't be where I'm at know if it weren't for the loving and the encouragement and the keep-at-it's that folks have been kind enough to bestow on me.  I guess what I'm saying is that it takes a village to raise a Sweet Red Clover...and you all are my village.

Blog-Along and Second Chances

Hello good people and welcome to day 1 of Blogalong with Effy.  Here's my attempt at 30 posts in 30 days. We're just gonna call it an attempt till it actually happens, ok?  No pressure...no pressure...  To learn more or to join in the fun yourself, please click on the Blogalong link in the left sidebar.

After the relative success of the layers on the last post, I got really inspired to try to fix some of the pages that have been sitting in my journals in a state of limbo.  Ugly, unfinished...both...  Anyway, I've got one to share with you today:

This page started out as an attempt to use Artist acrylic paints.  I have been admiring other people's use of them, so I got myself the basic colors (red, yellow, blue, black and white) to see how I fared.  In my head, they were going to be exactly like craft acrylics...they are NOT.  I can mix colors of craft acrylics with relative ease...getting exactly the color I hoped for in a matter of minutes.  Artist acrylics are not that way for me.  So I had stuck down some of the red and yellow on the page and mixed them a little to a really red leaning orange.  And this page sat untouched for several months because it was so eye-gougingly BRIGHT, practically painful to look at, and I had no idea what to do with it.

So I thought to myself, what bothers me about this page so much...and it was the extreme brightness that bothered me the most.  So I grabbed some Vintage Photo Distress Stain and went over the whole page to tone it down.  Phew...eyeball relief!  So the brightness was gone, and that helped a lot, but what to do next...

I've been watching some of Donna Downey's Inspiration Wednesdays on YouTube (which are SO interesting to watch...I love her "let's just try it and see what happens" attitude).  And she uses ink drops in a lot of her pages.  So I thought I might add some ink drops and see what happens...  What happened was I realized that there is some kind of magic technique to getting splattery drops that I have not learned yet...I really need to watch more closely when she ink drops I guess...  I ended up with pretty uniform circles of ink...not splaterry goodness.  So I improvised and turned my journal in a couple different directions so that the drops would run.  And WHAM!  It suddenly turned into something I liked and I knew where I wanted to go...

I have had that Tim Holtz "Fanciful Flights" die cutter forever, and I never use it, but it popped into my brain, so I grabbed it, cut out the shapes and went over them with some Glossy Accents.  While that dried, I got some Kraft Glassine (which is AWESOME) and crinkled and colored it using Distress Stains.  ...I just realized that this page could be an advertisement for Ranger products...where's my money Ranger???...  (haha...but seriously, pay me...)  I assembled my little butterfly dealie...and before anybody mentions it, I put the wings on backwards on purpose.  Seriously.  Seriously!!!  I think they look cooler that way!  Or at least different...make it your own, right?...  Then I outlined the butterfly in a red poster paint sharpie (I have found that the poster paint sharpies work a lot better for me than the other 'paint' sharpies, by the way!  I really want to get a white one and see if it works as well as the other colors...I have had bad luck with the other white 'paint' sharpies...maybe the poster paint one will tickle my fancy...)  Then I began the multi layered journaling of "If it weren't for second chances..." (a fitting line for this page that I picked out of the song below) I put gold sharpie, the red poster paint one, black sharpie and at last used a Pen-touch white pen which is where it finally stood out enough to be readable...so really, if it weren't for third, forth, or fifth chances, this writing would not have happened...