A Work In Progress

I did a little drawing:

Which I really enjoyed.

And then I colored it in:

And now that I'm looking at her, I think my sister was right and I am not done with her...

So, for today, a work in progress...

Tacky Wallpaper?

Yay!

So after the pale polka dot baby steps of last week, I was thinking about drawing backgrounds and realized I shared this on Facebook but not on the blog.

I have a large canvas (that I've had for a LONG time) that I wanted to work in acrylic on and was trying to do a mock up and I ended up with this gal.

I like the gal, she's fine, but what I really love is the background!  I actually liked it so much that I started drawing the leaves onto my canvas...this was several weeks ago and I still haven't gotten any further, but let us applaud the fact that I got as far as I did.  (haha)

Eventually, I will get to my canvas...probably sooner rather than later, because I am really excited about those leaves.  I have been doing mostly couch art and acrylics are not such a hot idea for the only room in the house that still has carpet...not for a clumsy paint slinger like me anyway.

I've got the couch art area set up for arting all the time, but my other art area has been sorely neglected for a good while and would require so much cleaning and lord knows I'll do everything in my power to avoid that...the point to this story is: this is how I'm going to get acrylic paint on the living room carpet...it's a forgone conclusion frankly...but look at those leaves, clearly worth it...

The Palest Girl I Know

The palest girl I know...besides myself...

I was so inspired by my copycat girl from last time that I decided to try a girl of my style in Danielle Donaldson's color palette...wait...that sounds all la-di-da and I don't mean it that way...I should say I was still so inspired by Danielle Donaldson that I decided to do a normal me kind of girl in her palette...yeah...that sounds much less jerky...

This girl kind of reminds me of the first layer of a painting...one where you're supposed to add more on top...she's so pale.  But not everything has to be saturated with color!

Even though this is way outside of my usual color usage, I LOVE this pale gal so much!  And I like her pale polka dot background.  I tend to not do anything in the background...unless I do collage work or something...and then there's a whole lot of stuff going on...  But I never draw anything in the background, so this is a teeny tiny baby step and I like how it turned out.

I really enjoy experimenting with different things...although it's easy to do routine things and forget to experiment.  So when I do remember to experiment, I get super excited and, here I am, super excited by those pale dots!  Hooray!

Frida The Dog, Inspired by Frida the Person

Frida Frida

I was inspired to do a picture of Frida, the most adorable dog I know, inspired lightly by Frida Kahlo:

Flowery Fridas galore...

  You know what's hard to draw?  Frida.  The dog, not the person...  The person I might have had better luck with...lots of human face practice...not enough puppy face practice.

So I thought I might check out some tutorials for drawing dogs which resulted in this:

I used THIS tutorial for my drawing.

I think it turned out better, still cartoony but more correct than my Frida drawing.

I like to see what I can come up with on my own sometimes and then go for a tutorial.  I think it helps me assess my progress. 

My Frida drawing is better than it would have been when I started, better than just a year ago even.  But there's still a lot of room for improvement of course and that's exciting...I have so much further to go!

Art is one of those things where the journey is at least as important as the destination...

It's learning skills, but also style and personal preference.

I enjoy learning and growing...

I enjoy the journey that art takes me on...to the point where I am often glad that I have so much further to go...

When the journey is this much fun, who worries about the destination?

Magic Things

"The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper."

-W.B. Yates

Did I spell "senses" wrong on the page?  Yes, I did. 

Apparently, my spelling senses need to grow sharper...

But spelling errors aside, I am a fan of the quote for sure.

I like the idea of magic things waiting for us to notice them.

I think we get caught up looking for grand gestures of the universe,

and, sometimes, I think we can get those things.

My guess is that the magic of life, though, is found in the small details...

the parts we ignore as ordinary. 

So much of life is found in the smallness of it....

Maybe that's why those magic things are looking forward to our perception becoming more keen.

Because the magic is already there.

We just have to open our eyes and see it.

Back Where I Started, In A Better Place

 

"It's a funny thing coming home.
Nothing changes.
Everything looks the same,
feels the same,
even smells the same.
You realize what's changed is you."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Today is my 34th birthday. 

It's been almost two years since I've blogged.

It's been almost as long since I've really made any art.

How did I manage to let go of something that meant so much to me for so long?

The truth is, I think, that as much as I needed art and this blog for growing,

I needed it to stop for the same reason. 

My art and blog had been like a diary for me, a sounding board to hear my own voice in this noisy world...a place to figure out what I wanted and how I felt.  There was a time when that was what I needed most of all.  In a way, it saved me.

It became so important to me that it took over.

It consumed me to there point where nothing else really mattered.

No one and nothing else was as important as making art.

That's not a way to live.

The thing about growing is that it is not without pain.

The thing about learning is that we often learn we are wrong.

And then we must decide what to do.

Middle ground is not a place I have lived comfortably.

I have never been one to take a step forward or back, but instead a jump in either direction.

And so I quit, cold turkey, the blogging and the making of any art of merit.

I set out to live my life in the real world without any of the things I felt were holding me back.

In the process, I learned.

I realized I had led myself astray in a lot of ways.

It's important to listen to your inner voice,

but there's also value to listening to what others have to say. 

When you're in a situation, you can be too close to see the truth of the matter...

you can't see the forest for the trees.

Occasionally, you can be lucky enough to find someone to trust, who can slowly pull you back from the tiny details and make you see the big picture.  A person who can  show you that you're not lost forever amid the trees; there is a path out.

I was lucky enough to have a friend do that for me and wise enough to see that, even though it may not have been what I wanted, it was what I needed.  And that it wasn't selfishly only what I needed, it was better for others too.

So now here I sit, in a familiar place,

easing back into something I love,

with someone I love by my side.

Still learning, still growing.

Back where I started, but in a better place.

A Weary Heart and A Perfect Place

Hi guys!  Today I've got 3 spreads to share with you from my Documented Life journal.

The first one is the last spread for February's Layers You Will Love theme, with the art challenge/prompt of USING AT LEAST FIVE LAYERS/GIVE ME A HIGH FIVE.  Here's what I made:

"A weary heart just needs a little touch."
-Justin Townes Earle

I got the words for this spread from this song, "Yuma" by Justin Townes Earle:

It's one of those songs where the Tom Waits quote fits perfectly: "I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things."


The next spread is for the March theme Making Your Mark(Doodles and Mark Making) and the art challenge/prompt was AS A LAYER ELEMENT/SURVIVING THE ELEMENTS:

"I choose the rooms that I live in with care."
-Leonard Cohen

I got the lyrics on the page from a song by Leonard Cohen called "Tonight Will Be Fine".  Here's a hauntingly beautiful version by Teddy Thompson:

Sigh.  Glorious.

This is my perfect place.

So last post, I mentioned about the fact that I've been thinking of having my own space for a while...well, the house in the spread above is my perfect place...PERFECT!

You see, ever since my sister bought her house in Bristol (Tennessee...not the England-y one) several years ago, I have noticed this same glorious house every time I drive past it...and now that I live in Bristol, I find I drive past it quite a lot.  You can see the house HERE.  So not only is this my favorite house ever, which I love more than I can say for reasons I can't even name, this awesome house is for sale.  For sale for a price that is...not realistic for me in this lifetime...

But when I tell you that this house is my soul mate, you must believe it...it is my PERFECT house.  Normally, I wouldn't be attracted to something so permanent...despite the fact that a house was bought while I was married.  I didn't want that house...or any house...

But this glorious house is different.  It calls my name.  I can see myself living in that house with Frida and going about my daily life with glee...  Having a huge studio on the top floor, having guest rooms galore, being able to take Frida down those front steps directly to a sidewalk for a quite neighborhood walk...a nice little fenced in back yard and even a separately fenced formal garden on one side of the house.  ...Old fashioned plants everywhere (at one point this place had well manicured landscaping, but now it's grown up a little) that are calling out to me to tend them...  *insert frantic and disappointed sobs here*

I have tried convincing myself to let it go...saying all the negatives and how unrealistic it is that I should ever get to live in that house...no money, too much space for just one person (and one dog), who's going to clean it, too far from work, do you want to have to shovel that driveway/salt those steps, etc...

Which brings me to my last spread to share today, for the art challenge/prompt BORDERS/BORDERLINE FEELS LIKE I'M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND:

I felt very clever in how I made my border...hehe!  That clever feeling is a rarity and I'm enjoying it!

You see that cool girl with the snazzy hair and shades, rocking her fancy dress and sweet tea while she waters unseen flowers?  Oh yeah, that's me...

"For once in your life, dream big."

All my life, I've been a realist...feet planted to the ground...ambition was not in my vocabulary...why dream about something that will never happen...pessimistic.

But, you know what, that's boring.  

What does it hurt if I have my big dream?  What's wrong with having a crazy goal that you'll probably never achieve?  Who's gonna tell me I can't think about what I want?

I've never been an ambitious person, because I was always taught that ambition was not for me...I had other things to worry about...it was enough to have the bare minimum in life and be grateful for it.

But nobody gets to tell me that anymore.

I can save money.  I can have as much space as I want; it's not too much!  I'll clean it and keep it clean.  I've driven farther for work before.  I'll shovel the driveway and salt the steps the few times it snows.  I don't need to worry.  I'd be fine.

So if I want to dream of my perfect house and slowly, slowly, slowly work towards it, I will.

In fact, I'm going to go do some dreaming right now...

Coloring Books and Gray Areas

Today I've got two spreads to share with you.

The first one is for WEEK 10-COLORING BOOK INSPIRATION:

"Whether we color outside of them, blur them, or draw our own, it would probably be wise to keep in mind that every once in a while, they're there for a really, really good reason."  I love, love, LOVE that stamp set!

And then there's this one, for WEEK 11'S "JUST WRITE" PROMPT:

"I just wish I could remember how not to hate the gray areas and the ever-present in-betweens."

My spreads look as blah as I feel...  I don't know what happened.  I must be overly tired.  Sometimes when I'm sleep deprived, I get these super creepy thoughts that I can't shake, and it makes me get a sick stomach...that's what happened last night.  

When I was younger, I did not mind the unsettled, slightly chaotic feelings of things changing.  

The older I get though, the more I hate that feeling of waiting to see what happens...I wish I could fast-forward through it and get to the settled part a little more quickly.

But I don't want to be like that...wishing huge chunks of my life away because of the small discomfort of shifting around.  I want to remember how those times are exciting because anything could happen...not the current pessimistic view that causes me to doubt that anything good will come of it all.  

How do I get back to feeling like life was an adventure to be had, not a punishment to be endured?  I don't always feel like that...not always...but when I do, it seems to want to stick with me and cast a fog over everything.  And then there I am again, wishing away pieces of time...a bitter cycle.

Oh well.  I know from experience that, as quickly as it came on, the haze of depressing thoughts will lift away again, leaving me with a brighter sky and a little more hope.  Until then, I will just muddle through as good as I can.

Root For You

I'm slowly but surely working my way through all the prompts I've missed during the craziness so far this year...  I'm trying, you know...I'm trying.

The first thing I've got to show you today is for week 6 (back in February) of JOURNAL 52, the prompt being "Windows":

"Losing love is like a window in your heart, everybody sees you're blown apart."
-Paul Simon

It's from the fantastic song "Graceland" by Paul Simon:

That song has some great lyrics, and I'll probably return to grab more of them in the future...

Then there's the DOCUMENED LIFE prompt (from the last week of January) "What Lies Beneath?", with the art challenge of "Under Paper" and here's what I ended up with:

"Flowers grow in all kinds of dirt."
Not one of my favorite pieces (me and painting flowers just don't get along for some reason!), but the sentiment's true!

And finally, there's week 7 of JOURNAL 52, which had the prompt of "Valentines" and here's what I made:

"I'm amorous but out of reach."
I'm not sure about this one...it actually looks much better in person, the lines aren't so noticeable and the colors are a little different looking as well...but on camera...well, it looks like this...meh...I don't know...

I got the line from this song, "Valentine" by Fiona Apple:

And used this painting by Raphaelle Peale as an inspiration:

"Still Life With Peach"

And that's a couple more towards catching up!

I've actually got more to share with you, it's just a matter of getting the blog posts typed up...which is time consuming if I write in my usual way...hence the super condensed version today.  But next time, I've got one with pictures that show the progress of the page, and coming up really soon, I'll share a piece that I am super proud of!  So just bear with me...I'm still trying to get the new balance of life down and I'm just not there yet.  But soon, I think...I know I've got a lot of lovely people rooting for me. <3

Put a Lid on It

The prompt for this week's JOURNAL 52 spread is: "Create a page inspired by a conversation you've had or overheard in the past week or so."

Can I just say how much I love this prompt!  I plan on having a go at becoming a really good listener from now on...then I'll have a whole journal full of funny things I've heard in conversations...I live among southerners, and their crazy expressions would be enough hilarious fodder to fill several journals easily!

I figured to be fair about it, I would make my first 'overheard conversation' page about my own crazy conversation...it's only ok to laugh at others if you can laugh at yourself in the same way, right?  Don't dish it out if you can't take it!  (Puns...hehehe)

"And they'll all have matching lids..."

The conversation that I chose to document was me talking to a friend of mine at work about my dream to someday own a set of Rubbermaid/Tupperware containers.

I didn't realize exactly how silly the whole conversation was until I saw the look on my friend's face...and then I recognized the crazy person look that was probably on my face...

I am loving my Neocolor II's lately!  They are so bright and pigmented and awesome!!!

The reason I'm obsessed with this is because I can never find a stupid container with a lid that fits it anywhere in the house.  I think, after the sock monster that lives in the dryer, the lid monster is the number one danger to household management...

It's really bad when you start thinking that your dirty brush water is a pretty color, isn't it?

The problem lies in the fact that, aside from not having lids, the containers I have are still perfectly fine...so I can't throw them away, right?  *says the crazy harder*  And then cupboard space is at a minimum, so there's no room for new Rubbermaid if I don't throw the old stuff out!

Do you see the conundrum I'm in?

I love these colors...I could just squeal with delight!

I actually think this problem stems from not being used to having extra moolah...the whole don't toss it if you can use it thing...which is a perfectly good way to be.  Except for now that I have a little extra moolah...at least enough for a new set of Rubbermaid containers...I find that I'm having a hard time letting go of the lidless wonders that have carried me through to this point...as though these inanimate objects were my dear friends...and now you see why my work friend (who is a real person, not a Rubbermaid container, just for the record) was looking at me like a maniacal weirdo...and why I had to make a page about this conversation (except I drew some vintage Pyrex instead of Rubbermaid, because, frankly, Rubbermaid is not as cute.)

 Someday, I will have microwaved my lidless Rubbermaid containers into oblivion and I will get my new set with their fancy matching lids...

So maybe the moral of the story is that it's just as well to have small dreams as it is to have big ones...because, one day, my dream will come true and, after all, how many people can honestly say that?

Two Wild and Crazy Guys

Last post, I mentioned that I was working on my Documented Life cover for 2015's journal...which is very mischievous and irresponsible of me because I haven't done 2014's covers yet!  (I will, I will!)

Well, I finished up last night and here's what I did:

The front cover of my 2015 Documented Life journal!

I always seem to have trouble getting accurate colors to come through on my camera.  I'm pretty sure it's user error...like not understanding lighting or something.  This next picture is much more true to color:

SO CUTE!!!  *shameless self-back patting!*

I really enjoyed working on the cover.  It's thick cardboard, so it didn't bend or curl up when I put the gesso on or when I was working on the subsequent wet layers...that non-curling was VERY nice!

Here's what I did on the inside of the front cover:

Quack!

I learned a little lesson from when I painted the cow from last post, which was to stop being impatient and go ahead and gesso the page, the results are much better!  I didn't do it on the cow page because I didn't want to wait for it to dry, and when you don't use the gesso, the Neocolor II's just kind of sink into the page and become more muted...they're also harder to shift around and blend.  When I worked on these two pages, I gesso-ed them.  I like that adding the gesso layer lets me get more movement out of the paint and I think it makes the colors brighter/bolder as well.

On these two pages, I also learned that I should do an initial layer of color with my Inktense pencils...because I like how that looks much better.  You can kind of see the difference in the backgrounds of the pages especially.  

On the bunny page, where the orange background is, I did a layer of yellow Inktense underneath and it comes through a little.  On the other hand, on the Duckling page, the purple background has just the white gesso underneath...you can see it in the places where the Neocolors are too thin.  I think it's a personal preference kind of thing, but I just think the bunny looks a little more dynamic and lively, and my guess is it's because of that under-wash of color.

I think the duckling is cute, but I am REALLY in love with that bunny page!  As always, you can see the reference photos I used on my Pinterest board called "For Your Reference" (There's a link to my Pinterest stuff in the sidebar.)

Now that I've got my 2015 cover done, I'm going to buckle down and finish my 2014 covers...I'm not really finished with those journals till the covers are done, right?  And I'm SO CLOSE to my goal of not being a flake...I don't want to mess up now!!!  So look for that post to come in the next couple days...

Just a quick side note: where I live, the temperature today is 1...with a windchill of -20...so I hope wherever you are, you are staying warm and toasty and that you will send me warm and toasty thoughts...I need them today! <3<3<3

More From The Farm

I've been caught up in a wave of domesticated animals!

There's been a horse, a goat, a chicken and now this guy:

I must find animals very moving...  Get it?  MOO-ving?  Hehe! *groan!*

I used this cow as the main reference for mine:

Bet you can't touch your nose with your tongue!
You can also see him on my Pinterest board called "For Your Reference".

I went with a non-hairy version for my cow though.  

Originally, mine was going to be very hairy also, but then I didn't gesso the paper that I used to paint him on.  I used Neocolor II's to paint with for the most part and they move really nicely over gesso.  Not as much movement happens when there's direct to paper contact...which was disappointing, but did lead to a less hairy, but still cute little brown cow...

The little cow is on the first page of my Documented Life (DLP) journal...the opposite side of the paper as the chicken.  I wanted both pages of the chicken spread to be on the same kind of substrate, and so I had to put the chicken on what will actually be the second and third pages...  This meant that the first page in the journal was blank, and so I decided to try my hand at a cute cow and here we are!

Completely out of character for me, I've also started working on the cover for 2015's DLP journal...which means I'm very naughty indeed, because I haven't yet done my 2014 covers for DLP or J52!  For shame!!!

Usually I wait until the end of the journal to decorate my cover...that way I won't mess up what I've done on the cover when I'm working in the rest of the book.  

BUT, since I deconstructed my DLP book for this year, that won't be an issue.  It's actually the opposite problem this time, because if I wait till the end of the year to do this cover, I'll risk messing up the inner pages!

So I'm taking away ALL risk involved and working on the cover for this year right now and then I can start the 52 week process of reconstructing my DLP journal!

I should have the cover done in the next day or two, so be on the look-out for that...AND then, I need to finish my 2014 Journal 52 cover (and decide if I really want to leave the 2014 DLP cover as is...)  And I haven't forgotten about the two wrap-ups I owe you either!

As soon as I'm done with this cover (which is so stinking adorable, I can't wait to show you!!!), I will jump on those wrap-ups, I promise!  

The other animals in the barnyard will just have to wait! 

Freaking Magic

Let me just warn you now, there may be some ridiculous self-back patting in this post...if you're looking for humility, run...RUN...run far in the opposite direction of this post...because you will not find any of that nonsense here today!

I thoroughly blame Chelle over at JOURNAL 52, because this week's "Magic" prompt led me to create something I would probably never have done if it weren't part of my self-imposed goal to complete two year long projects (J52 and DLP)!  Here she is in all her glory:

"The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper." -W.B.Yeats

*Angels singing, birds dressing me in the morning, sunshine rays from heaven, etc.*

My husband that my husband keeps calling her Tinkerbell.  My fairy is NOT a Tinkerbell kind of girl.  She looks nothing like Tinkerbell!  Tinkerbell has nothing on my fairy!  Tinkerbell (and, by extension, my ridiculous husband) can bite me!  Tinkerbell!  TINKERBELL!!!  I never...

I suppose I can't be too mad, because Tinkerbell is probably the most famous fairy...I mean, come on, name another one...  But the fact that my awesome fairy got thrown in with the Disney lot was just too much for me to handle.

I mean, Tinkerbell's image is so white bread.  My fairy clearly...CLEARLY is anything but that.  I mean, she  completely rebels against fairy world standards by listening to punk rock and and restoring classic cars and having more than half a brain cell, giving her the ability to fully form human words, not just running around making twinkle noises and shaking her butt dust on children so that they can 'fly'...which, in my opinion, is just a metaphor for getting high...you know, you start out on fairy dust and then move on to hard drugs and before you know it, Wendy, John and poor little Michael are living in a cardboard box in an ally stealing car radios to support their habits!  And while my fairy listens to punk rock and supes up hot rods in her spare time, she's got morals and she would never be a butt dust dealer, despite the fact that she could be making bank and finally buy all those carburetors and vintage shifter knobs that she needs!  My fairy may have dirty fingernails and be able to quote Sex Pistols lyrics at the drop of a hat, but she would never sell smack to your kids.  And isn't that what we're all looking for in a good fairy?

Can you tell I'm a little excited by this page...what with the maniacally defensive rant due to my husband's besmirching?  

I can't help it...I love her so much.  I think she fully deserves to be maniacally defended...

Like I said before the rant, there's no way I would ever have drawn a fairy if it weren't for the J52 prompt, but now that she's drawn, I kind of what to put fairies on every single thing I ever do from now on...well, not just any fairy, but this fairy specifically.  *Sigh.*  She's just great...  And she's green...fantastically green...  And bright other colors...  *double sigh*  I really do enjoy her thoroughly.

Forgetting my (fabulous) fairy (for now), in my eyes, this time of year is the real magic in my world.  

I love fall, what with the leaves turning color and the crispness of it...and the way the light changes and makes everything seem a little better...  Maybe I've just accidentally breathed in some of that fairy butt dust...who knows...

All I know is that it's starting to get colder here and today as I drove around town, I suddenly wanted a gas station coffee, which should ONLY be drunk when it's cold outside.  I do love it when it's cold enough for gas station coffee...  It makes me happy and nostalgic...thinking of all the happy falls I've had thus far in life, and hoping that there will be many more extremely pleasant gas station coffee seasons to come...

What about you?  At the risk of sounding all hippy dippy, throw caution to the wind and tell me: what's magic in your world today?  

New Eyes and the Glad Game

Late to the game again!  Tsk, tsk!  I am wagging my finger at myself in disgust!  I have been distracted by the day-to-days yet again, and I have no good reason.  Plenty of excuses...but no good reason...

One semi-decent excuse is getting caught up in the free tutorial videos over at the DERWENT WEBSITE.  Thanks to Michelle from INSPIRATION EVERYWHERE for the heads up about those...  As a side note, I just love the name of her blog!

Derwent also has a 'kids' related portion of their site called FLIP! and it has some video tutorials as well.  I really like looking at things geared towards children, because of how well they break the information down.  Sometimes videos directed at adults assume you know things that you actually don't, whereas those that were made "for kids" give you much more basic-but-thorough instruction...plus, they tend to be more concise, probably because kids aren't known for having great attention spans.  I have to say, when I first started out making art, my art maven/older sister told me that was the case and I...disregarded...that information for a while.  Huge error on my part!  I admit my wrongness wholeheartedly!

I'm going to share some of the art I made so far with the Derwent tutorials in a later post, but today, I have my Journal 52 (J52) and Documented Life Project (DLP) art for last week.

For J52, the prompt was "Travel", and you can read more about it HERE.  This is what I made:

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."
-Proust

I am pretty excited over that wide-eyed girl...I think she goes so well with the quote...it makes me ridiculously happy...  I really enjoy it when you find just the right words for your project!

FYI, in case it's ever a question on Jeopardy, I didn't start out with the plan of having a black background...there was an incident involving a crumb from a black oil pastel that was stuck to my hand...  And since there was little hope of removing the mark it made on the page, and because I wanted to stick with water-soluble media on this page, I just pulled out my black Neocolor II and went for black.  Luckily, I had a white ink pad that was still surprisingly juicy after several years of never being touched...and it all worked out well in the end!

The other thing I have to share is my DLP spread, which you can find out more info about HERE.  The prompt was to "Write what you are grateful for each day this week." and here's my list:

"Come on Pollyanna...Let's play the glad game."

I started out feeling a little "Meh..." about this spread, but the more I look at it, the more I like it. I don't think it looks very me...I must have been channeling someone else's muse that day or something!  The colors in the background are not my usual fare.  I used a set of cheap tube watercolors that I don't pull out very often.  I think they will be making a much more regular appearance on my studio desk, because I find them to be quite interesting colors...  Of course, the best laid plans of mice and men and all that...so it's possible you will never see them again, so perhaps we should take a moment to enjoy them while we can! :)  

Yesterday, I noticed I've been having an unintentional run of purple in my DLP journal...it even made an appearance in this spread!  Not that there's anything wrong with purple, but it's kind of odd for me to have a marathon of it without planning to, right?

See that little heart at the top of the left page?  My husband, the lovely stink that he is, found that in the parking lot of his job and brought it home to me!  Now some women would be thoroughly disturbed at the fact that their husband brought home 'trash' from a parking lot...but as artists, I think we all know what a sweet gesture that was!  Add to that the fact that my husband is mildly afraid of germs, and you see what a grand gesture it actually was.  I'll have to add that to my list for the Glad Game!  A Glad Game bonus, if you will...

What about you?  Do you have something glad to share?  I'd love to hear about it!

The Things That Come Out of My Head...

The prompt for this week's Journal 52 page was "Party Animals".  You can read more about it HERE, but basically the prompt was to draw your favorite animal, or make up your own creature.

Seeing the awesome things that other people have done with human animal hybrid type things, I thought I would make something really cute...unfortunately, instead of cute, I accidentally painted this creepy, soul-stealing...I don't know what:

All I want to do is party and steal souls...and you're kind of acting like that makes me a terrible person...

It kind of worries me that this is what comes out of my head when I'm left to my own devises...

I don't hate her...despite her general creepiness...I just feel as though there needs to be another page done with a less creepy feel... I know that this same idea can be translated much less scarily, and I will be attempting that at some point.  On the positive side, I really like the bright colors that come I chose and the black background, which makes those colors even brighter...but also possibly adds to the creepy vibe.  I don't know, at the very least, she's original, right?

Also happening in my studio today, ironically enough, was today's Alternate Amy art:

"She was a little surprised."
I guess she saw the deer girl...

You can read the diary entry for today HERE, or just sit back and let this surprised girl take your mind off the creepy deer girl above.  

I was laughing at myself a little bit about the tag that has the stamped phrase on it.  I meant to do a rainbow tag...you know, ROY G BIV...Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet...instead what I ended up with was red, orange, green, purple, blue, and yellow...which my fellow fat kids will know as the colors in Post Fruity Pebbles (and if you're really good, you totally sang the colors out loud to the Fruity Pebbles theme song music...)  Curse my easily distracted brain! Hehehe...

 I am so very happy with this drawing.  I feel like I am progressing more and more with my artistic skills...although I have to admit that the deer girl is a bit of a disappointment...in my defense, she was much less creepy as a drawing...she didn't get that scary till I painted her.  But I wanted to draw a shocked/surprised face for today's Alt Amy spread, and I think that's definitely what the red headed girl portrays.  So yay!!!

  

Sometimes I wonder if I sound too...snooty woo woo look at me...when I say positive things about my work.  I don't mean it that way.  It's just that I've worked REALLY hard to get to the point I'm at, and it makes me so excited to see the effort paying off!  I don't have a whole lot of things going on in my life to be super proud about...the art stuff is really all I've got!  OK, art and double entendre/sexual innuendo...but my mom reads this blog, so I can't go there...hehehe...just kidding, Mom...  (She's totally going to fuss at me for saying that!)

Seriously, it is nice to be able to see progress...and to have something turn out on the page like I saw it in my head...that feels like a big accomplishment to me.   When I get done with one thing, I immediately start something new...I get super excited...I can't wait to see what the next thing I make will be like!  I wonder if that excitement will ever wear thin...but then I think, no, it can't, because there's always something new to try...always a different page to make...always another supply I've not used for a long time.  So hopefully, the happy feeling I get from arting it up will always stay with me...

I hope you too are always excited to make your own art...and almost as excited to come see what I make too!

Overkill...or Put Many Birds on It

This week's prompt for Documented Life (read more about DL HERE) was to incorporate a bird on your spread somehow.  And immediately, my mind went to this: 

HAHAHAHAHA!  That skit makes me laugh more than is necessary... 

And so in the spirit of that clip and birds everywhere, I made this spread:

"I want to think again of dangerous and noble things.  I want to be light and frolicsome.  I want to be improbable, beautiful, and afraid of nothing as though I had wings."
-Mary Oliver

I drew the birds...why have one bird when you can have four?  I'm the queen of overkill...on the page first (except the one at the top left, that one is a packing tape transfer) and then went looking for a quote to fill in the empty spaces.  I really like the quote that I picked, and, maybe it's just me, but I see the traits mentioned in the quote in the birds next to them...like the top left bird looks 'dangerous and noble', the bottom one looks 'light and frolicsome', etc....that was totally unplanned!  I think sometimes my brain formulates plans in the dark recesses and doesn't let me in on it till after the plan is carried out...I call them serendipity, but secretly my brain is toiling away to make those moments happen!  

On a side note, I love that paper on the left page...those zinnias are awesome and I couldn't bear to cover them over too much!  That was one of the pages I added to my SmashBook to make it have enough for 52 spreads...good choice, I think! *pats self on back*

I love that quote from Mary Oliver...one day I am going to do a page about her poem "The Journey"...I LOVE that poem...  My friend Pamikins was right, my pages are never done (in my eyes anyway) until I put words on them!

In other news, I got a new phone with a better camera than my last phone...I was so excited when I saw that picture because the colors are very true and it's so crisp!  I had a problem with color accuracy on my last phone, and then towards the end it started to take hazy looking pictures.  So hooray for the new phone and it's better camera!!!

Now I'm off for the night...possibly to put birds on more things... :)

When I Grow Up

Thanks everybody for all the kind comments from last post.  It was really interesting to me to see how many of you understood exactly where I was coming from.  Sometimes, it's just nice to know we're not alone, isn't it? <3

For today, I've got a page...actually two pages...to share with you from my Journal 52 art journal (you can read more about J52 HERE)  The prompt for this past week was "What did you want to be when you were growing up/what is your dream job?"

I had a hard time with this prompt...I actually had to ask my mom if she could remember what I said I wanted to be!  

I've talked before about the fact that I don't really remember a lot of my childhood.  The funny thing is that I remember odd little things...tiny details...like smells and sounds of specific things.  But for the most part, huge chunks of it don't exist in my memory.  If my family starts talking about something that happened, I can remember more.

I grew up with a very not-nice father.  I think our brains make us forget things we can't handle, and I think that's why I don't have a lot of memories of being a kid.  So when I read the prompt (before I asked my mom if she could remember) "What did you want to be when you grew up?", I could only think of one thing:

"I think I just wanted to be free."

I remember VERY specifically wishing that I could be free.  To be free from my dad's ugliness...to be free from hypocrisy that I saw, even at an early age...to feel free to be a kid and not be afraid of what was going to happen to me if I was 'bad'.  My dad left when I was 16, and I felt very lucky when that happened.  He died a few years ago, and I'm lucky enough, most days, not to hate him anymore, but only pity him.

Freedom is a funny thing, because I don't know that we are ever truly free.  Not often, but sometimes, things my dad said to me when I was little pop into my brain.  

There were a lot of things that he said that don't bother me anymore.  Like being called stupid.  I'm not stupid...I'm actually pretty smart!  It doesn't bother me, because I have proof that he was wrong.  I'm at least smart enough to get myself through life, and who needs to be smarter than that?

But there are other things that I can't seem to shake.  The worst one for me is "No one will ever love you."  And I know that it's not true.  My brain knows that there are a lot of people out there that love me and care about me.  But feeling it, believing it...that's tricky.  Because love is not always a constant thing...once it's there, it can be taken away.  And we can fool ourselves into it and out of it.  And love isn't necessarily reciprocated, sometimes it's one-sided.  And we use the same word for loving food as we do for loving people and we throw around the word like it isn't such a precious thing as it is.  And so love is scary, but we all want it anyway.  We want it so bad it hurts.  And I don't think I'm the only one who feels like that.  I think in the back of a lot of people's minds, there is a tiny mean voice (or sometimes a big booming one) that says 'What if you are just unlovable?'  or 'What if it's a lie?' or 'What if no one loves you ever again?'

I work really hard to squish that lie.  I remind myself that it's a fact that my father was a lying jerk.  I remind myself that even when I don't feel loved, there are people out there just wishing they could make me feel it...even it I'm having a hard time seeing them.  I remind myself that, very importantly...maybe even most importantly, I love myself.  Therefore, at the very least, one person loves me.  And I remind myself that my family loves me...the ones who are my family by blood and my artsy family online too.  And then that mean voice that sounds like my dad shuts the hell up.  As it should.

And so that was my first page...but then I thought, 'Self, you need to have a happy page...you are depressing the crap out of everyone.'  So I texted my mom and asked her if she could remember what it was I dreamed of being when I grew up...

Look it's Baby Sweets!  That is me as a little kiddle, probably five or six years old with my younger sister, Gretchen.  It's really funny, because I couldn't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I remembered what Gretchen wanted to be right away: a 'pay lady'.  For those who don't know (everybody reading this...haha), a 'pay lady' is a cashier.  When we would go to the grocery store, Mom would say "We're ready to go, we just have to pay the lady."  ...and so a cashier became the 'pay lady' to my sister...I think she just wanted to push all the buttons on the register.  For those who are wondering, Gretchen got to live her dream...she was several times in her life so far, a 'pay lady'. 

And mom said that she seemed to recall that I wanted to be a teacher or a writer.  I have absolutely NO recollection of wanting to be a teacher...Mom said I was really young when I wanted to be a teacher.  

But I did remember wanting to be a writer.  That was actually a dream of mine for a long time...I can't believe I didn't think of it!  Books were a big escape for me as a kid.  Mom would have to force me to go outside and play, and even then she'd practically have to frisk me to see if I was hiding a book!  I had a good imagination, and I remember reading things and them being so real to me.  I think that I wanted to be a writer so that I would be able to make up my own stories to live in...

"When I grow up, I want to be a writer." - Amy
I used the picture above as a reference, and I'm a little disappointed in the way it turned out.  Actually it was pretty good as a line drawing, but then I started coloring it in and  I should have just left it alone...  On the positive side, I do like that I used my (non-dominant) left hand to do the writing on the page...it looks like a little kid wrote it, which is what I wanted.

Thanks to the internet and the blog, I get to be a writer now.  In a small way, I get to live my dream...even if it doesn't pay any bills.  :)  I do get very excited when people comment that they like or relate to things I've written here, or when someone compliments something I've said or written in some way.  I started the blog as a way to share my art and to document my progress with that...but somewhere along the way, I started blabbing away and couldn't stop.  These days, a post doesn't feel finished to me until I've given you the story behind the art!  Maybe if my life were more interesting, I could have sold the copyrights by now! :)

So that's what I've got for today...I wanted to be free and I wanted to be a writer (and that, clearly, I was an adorable child...hehehe).  What did you want to be when you grew up?  What about now?  Has your dream job stayed the same, or do you have a different idea of what you want as an adult?  (Mine would be being independently wealthy and not having to have a day job...then I'd just make art and write about it all day long!)