Enough Nerve

Today, I've got my spread for JOURNAL 52'S prompt "Collage Crazy":

"Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve." -J.K. Rowling

I can't even explain how much I love this spread!

Scrapbook paper base, followed by napkins, a wash of color, followed by gesso through a stencil and some glorious drippage!

Hubba hubba!

It's not my usual for sure, but I really love how this turned out!   SQUEAL OF DELIGHT!  SQUEAL OF DELIGHT!

Sigh.  Glorious!

I'm magically in love with this spread, and I love the sentiment behind it as well...the idea that the world is my oyster if I can only work up some nerve...or moxy if you will...I love that word...moxy.

I've worked on getting my moxy back since I've made my major life move...and one thing I did was to get a haircut:

Ugh.  Selfies.  But on the positive side, my hair is fabulous.

Considering the fact that my hair was halfway down my back when I got this cut, I'd say that more than a little moxy was required.  But I love it!

When I got my haircut, the lady (who my sister uses and recommended) said "You know, you just have the perfect attitude to pull this haircut off."  Which I took as a huge compliment, because to me, short hair takes confidence.  You don't have anything to hide behind...to shrink into when you're nervous.  You're just out there!  

So maybe my moxy wasn't entirely gone...it was just simmering quietely beneath the surface...waiting to be let loose on the world...

En Garde, Your Majesty

Three spreads today.

The first one is in my DLP journal for the prompt MARK MAKING AS A FOCAL POINT/COMING INTO FOCUS.  Here's what I did:

"En garde."

For me, what this prompt brought into focus was the thought to guard my heart.  I've worked really hard to let myself be open and vulnerable, but there comes a point when one might go too far.  Too much of a good thing and all that.  I've realized I need to put a few walls back up.  It's important when one follows one's heart to take your brain as well.

Love those triangles.

Sometimes people are just not what you need them to be...they're just not good people when it comes to you.  They take advantage of kindness...they use you...

Like this spread, another for DOCUMENTED LIFE, says:

"Suddenly...it hit me."
My custom element for this spread are sticky labels that I've used to wipe my left-over paints on since I've been here at moms...they are pretty nifty and an easy way to get some color on the page.

It suddenly hit me that being my friend is a privilege, not a right.  I don't have to stand for someone taking advantage of me or doing me wrong...I don't have to deal with that crap!

This spread for JOURNAL 52 sums it up nicely, I think:

"You rule your own life."

You rule your own life.  I rule mine.  You rule yours.  What an epiphany!

This was for the 'Cards' prompt, and I used a queen card as the base for this...the queen of hearts actually...hence the no arms.  But Queenie McArmless here reminds me that I have power over my heart and my life...I'm not lost to the whims of either.

It's up to each of us individually to decide what we are willing to deal with and what we are not...what we find acceptable and what we take exception to.  I don't get to tell you.  You don't get to tell me.  ...I mean, you can try, but I'll stick my fingers in my ears and start humming and ignore you, so there! :)

Sometimes I am both amazed and frustrated by how long it takes me to really 'get' things.

I mean, I would never think of telling another person how they should live their life...and yet, it's taken me all this time to realize that they shouldn't be doing it to me either.  I would never intentionally take advantage of another person, and yet, it's only now that I see it's not fair for someone to do it to me...

At least I've finally learned it I suppose...I just hope that, if there are any more blazing epiphanies to be had, I'll be a quicker study in the future.

Cover up and Feel Alive

Today I've got my spread for the DOCUMENTED LIFE prompt from February 14 to share with you.  The theme for February was "Layers You Will Love", the art challenge was "Cover Up Good Stuff", and the journal prompt was "Going Undercover".

Here's what I made:

"The hardest thing you will ever have to do is to let yourself feel alive."

I got the words for today's spread from this song "Time to Leave" by Melissa Ferrick:

I used lyrics from this song in another spread recently, but these ones are so good, I figured it'd be alright...

Do you see the theme in the images?

When I thought about the prompt "Going Undercover", images of people shrinking back into themselves came to mind...of people hiding...all kinds of negative connotations.

For me, this spread is about the things that hold us back from being "alive"...from being our true selves.

On the left hand page, there's the girl who's constantly looking to someone else for the answers.  Then there's the girl who's always looking back on the past with regret (although I do love that artwork, she looks so melancholy).  And at the bottom, the girl who's always longing for what she can't have (Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth...one of my absolute favorite pieces ever).  On the right page, there's the girl who's constantly finding something else to do so that she can ignore what needs to be done.  And then the little girl hiding herself away because she's afraid.  And lastly, there's the girl in the swing...she's got it all figured out: to be exactly who and what she wants to be.

I think sometimes we (or I) make things harder than they have to be...we over-complicate what should be simple.  Like the song alludes to, it takes time and making up our own mind to see things clearly.  

It's not easy...it should be, but it's not.  

For me, I think that's why it takes us being...not brave (or not only brave)...but fed up...to be so sick of something that it's literally a knee-jerk reaction to have to make it change.  And then the challenge is to not let those nagging doubts or bad habits creep back in and push us back into our little holes.

We only get one go round in this life...I don't want to spend any more time shrinking back or covering up.  I am working on being the girl on the swing, boldly being whatever it comes to my mind to be.

Later Gator

This is the final spread for DOCUMENTED LIFE (DLP)...there's not much I can say about the first year of DLP that I didn't say about Journal 52 in yesterday's post...it's with the same melancholy feeling that I bring 2014's DLP journal to a close.  

Just like J52, DLP will continue next year, and I will continue right along with it for as long as possible, but I don't know if it will hold the same meaning for me that this first year has...I can only hope, I suppose.

The prompt for the final DLP spread is "Draw or Collage Something That Begins With the First Letter of Your First Name."  

And here's what I came up with:

Look at my desk!  It's clean!  Holy guacamole!  ...but more on that later...

Here's the left side, as close as I could get it with the full page showing (mostly):

I figured I would do a little collage on one side of the spread  and draw/paint on the other and be an overachiever like I like to do...

Just in case you don't know, my name is Amy.  I chose to go with "A" things instead of my normal inclination to go with Sweet Red Clover as my 'name' for any kind of prompt where names are involved.  I don't know why it was, but I knew I really wanted to use "A" stuff before I ever even considered what it was I would do for the spread...but of course I still had to sneak in a little clover action on the page...

I got the all the Aces and the 'A' flashcard with the apple on it in happy mail, so thanks to everybody that sent those to me!  I happened to get a piece of junk mail  yesterday  (the pieces of manila envelope) and the words "important" and "documentation" caught my eye, so I tore them out thinking I would use them sometime...although I didn't realize it would be so soon!  And the little tag from the Earl Grey I was drinking as I worked on this spread...had to throw him in there! 

I'm not much of a collage person...sometimes I get it right and other times, not so much.  This one, whether it's good or...other, makes me happy...so it must be ok, I guess!

 The "End Here." and the words at the bottom of the page (you can see them in the pic before this one...it says "See nothing to be scared of.  It was even a little fun, right?") were already in the SmashBook (that I converted for my DLP journal), and I was glad to be able to keep them visible, since they seemed like good words.

And this is the right side of the spread:

See you later, alligator!
I copied this guy (with a few changes...not enough to call him my own, for sure) from some art I saw on Pinterest.
You can see the original (which is TOTALLY awesome...) on my 'Copycat With Respect' board.

While they were two separate projects, DLP and J52 have served the same major purpose for me...which is proving to myself that I could, in fact, finish what I started.  And so it seems fitting that both the first page for my J52 journal and the last page of my DLP journal have balloons on them.  I remember very distinctly someone from the J52 group on Facebook commenting (a whole year ago, that's how happy it made me!) that my first page should be in a children's book...it's one of the kindest compliments I've ever gotten about my art!  And this gator, even though he's pretty much a copy of someone else's work, looks to me like he'd be a good children's book too!  (Best compliment I ever gave my own art! ☺)

Again, like J52, the only thing that's left of DLP for me is to do a little (but picture heavy) post showing all the spreads in one place...and maybe to decorate the cover, but I haven't decided if I want to do anything to this one, I kind of like it as is.  We'll see...

-

As you might be able to tell from the first picture, I started cleaning my studio.

Actually, I think it would be better described as purging.

I've told you before that I never clean...and honestly, that's only a very slight exaggeration of the facts.  But when the idea of how cluttered and disgusting my studio actually is just wouldn't leave my mind, I knew there was a reason for it.

Normally when I clean my studio, I keep everything...I don't do this in any other room of the house, but in my studio I think I can't get rid of that!  I might need it someday!  ...like a true hoarder would.

But this time was different.

I just kept looking at things I would normally keep...minuscule scraps of paper, empty tubs that once held gesso and other various mediums, pens that 'still write' (albeit not all the time or not very well), packaging from any kind of box that was brought into the house...and I thought to myself It's weighing you down.

When I stood back and looked at all that extra stuff, a big black garbage bag full to the point of ripping, it gave me such a nauseating feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for doing what you can with what you have and recycling and not wasting things and all that stuff...but what I was doing was not that.  I was burying myself under 'art supplies'.  I was hiding in a fort of useless objects so that I wouldn't have to see or hear the things that frustrate and offend me.

I don't want that kind of burden anymore.

That's why I had to take the time to clean up and toss and reevaluate what I would use versus what I felt like I had to use.  Other people do awesome stuff with cereal boxes, so I should keep mine...but, you know what, I'll never do anything with them.  I am not everybody else...I'm just me, and that's the only standard I should measure myself against.

I come from a place of meager means, and maybe a part of me got twisted into believing that it's frugality to keep everything you ever come into contact with.  But that's not true.  There's no shame in getting rid of something that's broken.  There's nothing wrong in passing something you are not going to use on to someone who will...even if you spent money to have it.  There's no one searching through my trash bag with a ruler saying that two inch scrap of paper was too big to just throw away!

I don't want to have that heavy feeling holding me down anymore...especially not in relation to my studio!  

I'm not done with the purging just yet.  In all honesty, I'm probably only about halfway there...but egads, if the ending brings me half as much relief as the beginning did, I'll be doing the happy dance for weeks!

In one of the Reverb14 posts, I mentioned that I'd like to have a house full of things that I love...that no matter where I look, I want my eyes to land on something that brings me joy.  And the practical aspect of starting on that goal is to rid myself of anything that doesn't.  So cheers to me for starting on that goal a little earlier than the new year!

To quote Mary Oliver, "I want to be light and frolicsome", and if getting down and dirty with cleaning is the first step, then I'm on my way.

Tempting and Choosing

I don't know if it counts as being an overachiever for JOURNAL 52 since I actually do this quite a lot without it being a prompt, but I ended up with another spread that was inspired by a song this week.

I was listening to this song, "Harlem River Blues" by Justin Townes Earle:

And I fell hard in love and had to make a page.  (Also, if you have the time, check out THIS version, which is a much more stripped down, live version...you can hear a really interesting difference in the way the song feels!)

There's a Tom Waits quote where he says something to the effect of "I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things." and I guess I must agree with Tom, because I just love this song!  Actually the whole album is great...I've been listening to it on repeat for days.  I tend to do that when I find music I love...I can't help it...I always feel like I've found some kind of secret treasure and I just want to blast this fantastic noise out into the universe and get it into the ears of anyone who happens to be close enough to hear...I just want to share that treasure, you know?

At any rate, here's the page I made:  

"I'm no fool, mama, I know the difference between tempting and choosing my fate."
Egads, that's a brilliant set of words!

It feels like its been a long time since I did any collage type stuff!  It was an accidental collage situation...I was doing a gesso resist technique and apparently I got a little heavy handed with the water and my page started to peel really bad (you can see it a little in the middle bottom on the right page)...so there was some stealthy collage work that managed to happen, and I really like the spread.  

There will almost always be a shout of "Huzzah!" from me for happy accidents...and, usually, the especially 'Huzzah' moments end up happening for the times I am most angered by the initial accident!

 I think 'this is going to be so cool!', then the accident happens, cursing my fate and shaking my fist in anger comes next, and then I generally figure out a way to fix it and usually end up liking it better by the time I'm finished...not always, but often enough that you'd think I would less prone to fist shaking and fate cursing!

There's probably a life lesson in there about how when things don't go as planned, we shouldn't freak out, but instead, take a breath and figure out Plan B...there are, after all, very few times when things are as bad as they first seem.  That whole "Keep calm and carry on" mentality has merit to it...even though sometimes I'm much better at 'freak out and fall over'...haha...

-

On an unrelated note, I was wondering if you could help me with something.  

I've been pondering over the pictures that I share of my art stuff and questioning whether I like the close-up, cropped views (like the picture in the beginning) that have been my go-to for a long time.

I am wondering if I would be better to include the un-cropped picture instead.

I was looking at the not cropped version of today's page:

Is this better?

...and thought that it gave the full effect of the spread a little better than the close-up cropped version did...they're the same picture, but they look miles apart.

And then I wondered if the extra stuff that I propped my journal up on (not because it needed propped up, but because my studio is a hot mess and its easier to prop it up on the stuff than to find an empty space...) was distracting or weird or in poor taste or something, so I kicked the stuff out of the way (like an adult) and took this picture:

...more clean floor space than my studio has seen in a long time...

...of the journal on the floor.  I just realized that I could have fibbed and said 'table' instead of 'floor' and then you wouldn't have to know how bad I am for having piles of stuff stacked on every available surface...but you're my friends and I just can't lie to you...

Anywho...I was just wondering if you had any sort of preference between the three photos in the post today...or if you have any other alternatives (that don't include me keeping the studio clean...I mean, let's be realistic ☺), I would welcome them with open arms and much appreciation!

Gratitude

The challenge for Documented Life this week was to "Depict Gratitude In a Creative Way", and here's what I came up with:

"This too."
...as in 'This, too, shall pass.'

I went with a pretty simple, albeit time consuming, collage for this prompt.  The time consuming part was the background, which I made using the Vaseline technique with acrylic paints, so most of the time was spent waiting for the layers to dry (four layers to be exact).  Then I decided to add a layer with crackle (two more layers)...which was the wrong choice and I don't want to say "ruined" it, but will admit to needing to fix the mistake for sure...  So I ended up doing a light whitewashing over the whole background (yet another layer) which made it better than it was before, but not as good as before I decided to add the crackle layer.  For the record, I think I just used the wrong color choice on the crack layer and it wasn't the crackling itself that was bad...I still hold to the fact that it was a good idea...

So, with seven layers of paint, you can see why I said time consuming, right?

I decided to go with a simple collage for my page, instead of doing a drawing like I originally planned.  I wished I had thought of that before I whitewashed the background, because I think the collage elements would have stood out a lot better on a darker background...but it is what it is, and I still kinda like it.

The background on this spread was actually the inspiration for the entire piece...I had started doing the background because I had no idea what I wanted to do.  But once I got the layers (ALL SEVEN OF THEM) down, the background looked like a wall in an old house, all the paint peeling off, marking the years with color like the rings of a tree.  I've lived in houses like that all my life, and instead of looking shabby, it always looks homey to me.

So, between that nostalgic feeling and the hours I spent waiting for those layers to dry, when I looked at the page, it made me think about the passage of time.  

Sometimes, the thought of time passing is scary to me.  It goes by so very fast anymore, and I'm afraid of what happens when it runs out...

But there's also the good part about time going by, which is the fact that things change in time.  Problems are solved.  Wrongs are righted.  Happy times are had and hard times are forgotten.  

It's a good thing that we don't live in the same moment forever, even if it's a very happy moment...we'd probably just end up taking it for granted.  

I guess I'll take the bad times too, just so I can truly appreciate the good when it comes.  As long as I can still remember that the bad stuff does pass eventually, I'll be fine...and grateful that it does.

I've Got Mean Things On My Mind

The prompt for this week's DOCUMENTED LIFE (DLP) was to "add labels, receipts and business cards -smash book style"

I chose to ignore the first part...the part about labels, etc.  Mostly because I didn't have any of that stuff hanging about...  Ok, maybe a receipt from Walmart...but just because it's a part of my life, doesn't mean I want to immortalize it in my DLP book...because frankly, I avoid Walmart at all costs...and in a perfect world, I would NEVER have to go there...

So instead, I just chose to focus on the "smash book style" part.  Here's what I came up with:

This is so busy...it hurts my eyes...but in all honesty, if you could see how my brain works, it would look something akin to this...

I have a hard time with collage...  I was getting better when I was working on the Alternate Amy stuff, but I took a little break from doing that (I will go back to it at some point), and it seems like the collage skills just flew right out the window...

"Tell me what I don't want to hear..."
"I've got mean things on my mind."
"My tolerance for your appalling stupidity is at an all-time low."

Can you tell I was in a crap-tacular mood?

I got the line about mean things from this song:

The original song is by Robert Johnson, and here's his version:

I don't know that it's everybody's cup of tea, but I have been on a roll with this bluesy kind of music for the past couple weeks...

"It can't all be sweet."
"Art is more than a product of your efforts-it should be about feeling, life, attitude, soul."
-Sergei Bongart

This is not one of the best things I've done...I don't really like it that much...

But I am taking comfort in that quote above...about art being about feeling as well as effort...

This collage is not pretty...but neither were the thoughts behind it...

I'm sure I've written about this before at some point, but of all the emotions I possess, anger is consistently the hardest one to deal with.  It's the one feeling that I still believe I have no right to feel.  And that's kinda stupid, really..

It takes a lot to get me really and truly angry.  It takes a lot of constant provoking to get me to the point where I want to yell...and once I get to that point, I start to cry.  Which is infuriating in itself...  And it's not crying because I'm sad that I'm yelling...oh no.  Crying just seems to be my body's natural reaction to the angry...like I'm allergic to anger or something.  And there's nothing more irritating than that.  Because when you're so mad you want to yell, you want to feel powerful.  You want to stand up and make your point and (if need be) poke someone in the eye with that point!

But instead of that angry adrenalin surge filling me with the appropriate amount of power to make my point, it makes me cry.  ...and then I feel weak.  

And I'm not saying that crying is weak...I've learned that it's very much the opposite of weak...when you're sad.  But when I'm angry and I cry, I think it takes away from my anger...  Like instead of being mad and arguing, the other person has to pity you.  I don't want to be pitied in that instance...I want to be feared!  Or at least respected.  But preferably feared...

I don't like to be angry, but sometimes I have the right to be angry.

I like my weird brain, but sometimes I don't like the way it reacts.  

I like the way I think,but sometimes I hate it too.

I've heard about this lady that doesn't have the ability to forget...everything she's seen, heard, felt or thought is stuck in her brain...it's called hyperthymestic syndrome.  

Sometimes I think I must have a similar disease, except for instead of never forgetting, I can't stop thinking...maybe extreme over-analyzing is the right way to explain it.  It's kind of like there are these videos in my head of all the things that might happen, and they all play constantly, right on top of one another.  It makes it tough to make a decision...  

And the really bad part about it is that I see these ripple effects of my actions for things that don't really matter.  For instance, if I go eat the last Little Debbie right now, my husband will inevitably die in a car crash tomorrow, not having eaten a final oatmeal cream pie...and it will haunt me forever.  I know that's crazy (trust me, I KNOW) but you will be hard pressed to ever find me eating the last of anything...seriously.  And you would think that I could rationalize that in reverse and think I might also die tomorrow and it would be my last chance at an oatmeal cream pie...but no.  In that case, it's just a dumb oatmeal cream pie... 

*sigh*  

Why does my brain work that way?  It makes me feel really abnormal and, while I know I there's no such thing as "normal", there is such a thing as "insane"...and I honestly wonder whether anyone would notice if I ever did go completely off my rocker...especially since my grip on it is pretty questionable to begin with...

What about you?  What's the hardest emotion for you to deal with?  What do you do when you get mad?  Do you eat the last oatmeal cream pie (like a normal person) or leave it for the next guy?  Do you over-analyze things?  Do you ever question your own sanity?

Playing Catch-Up Again

I'm playing catch-up again.  Today, I've got Journal 52, Documented Life Project (DLP), and Alternate Amy stuff to share with you.

For Journal 52 last week, the prompt was "Recycled Art" and you can read more about it HERE.  I went VERY minimal with my page...here it is:

Her dress is made from the inside of a security envelope that my bank statement came in.

Like I said, minimal.  I like white space sometimes.  When I do too many in a row full of busy color, it shakes things up to do one with a lot of white space!  And this gal's definitely got that going for her...

For DLP, which you can read more about HERE, the prompt was "Photograph or draw your favorite shoes, and here's my spread:

I photographed this and then realized that I had left the journaling card to the right of the deer blank...it now says "Very dear to me."  ...because I am corny like that...

And here's the close-up of my shoe sketch:

♥ my adidas ♥

I really do love my Adidas...they make me feel like one of the cool kids...and they are fantastically comfortable...which is very important to me.  They are grey suede high tops, and I love them with a love I very rarely experience in regards to inanimate objects!

Lastly, I have today's Alternate Amy spread to share with you:

"She felt like a kid again."

You can read the diary post HERE, or just enjoy the art.

I've got some more art to share with you...but I'm not promising anything...every time I say "tomorrow", it ends up being a week later...so maybe if I say sometime soon...then it will actually be within the next few days.  

I've got some weird personal stuff going on right now.  I know I'm usually pretty forthcoming with everything that's going on in my life, but for this, I need some time to think.  It's why I've been a little on the quiet side recently, and I just need some time to work my way to the answer...so it may be a little quiet here for a while...but don't give up on me, pals!  I will keep posting my art as often as I can and I hope that you'll forgive me for being a bad internet friend/awesome hermit.  To give you an inkling of the seriousness of my situation, know this: I haven't even wanted to make art...yeah, so you know it's bad.  But never fear, I'll be back on track soon and know that I can't wait to see what beautiful art you all are making in the mean time. <3<3<3

Acquire Pure Imagination

Sorry for the long haul of silence going on here for the past week or two!  I went out of town a little unexpectedly, and was without internet...oh, sweet internet, let us never part again!

On the opposite side, it is nice to have a break from the irresistible call of the web once in a while...it's amazing what you can do when you don't have the distraction!

One of the things I did was my Documented Life spread for week 16.  The Challenge was to use a cardboard food package in a creative way, and you can read more about that HERE.

And this is what I did:

"Betty Crocker couldn't stop the wild blueberry."
"The possibilities are endless when you disregard reality and acquire pure imagination..."

I used a pieces from a blueberry muffin box for my spread...the words ("Betty Crocker" and "Wild Blueberry") of course, but also, the white thing that the drawing is on is a piece from the box that I gessoed.  It was actually a pretty decent surface to work with!  I sketched out my monstrous blueberry and used my Koi travel watercolor set for his awesome bluish hue...  Parts of the writing, as well as the interesting flying ship thingie, were already on the paper, I added the rest of the writing using Elmer's Painters paint pens and the shadow using water soluble pens.

I think it's a pretty fun spread and I TOTALLY love the sentiment of disregarding reality and acquiring pure imagination...it makes even the most hum drum days special...

One thing I've been using my pure imagination for is my fake journal.  I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with the one spread a day, and I was right about that...but I have got another spread ready to share:

"She had the shivers and butterflies inside."
"In one kiss, you'll know all I haven't said." - Pablo Neruda

You can read the diary entry HERE, or just enjoy the artsy goodness above...

I actually have my spread for Journal 52 and this week's Documented Life Project done as well, but still need to take the pictures...I got them done on my internet-less retreat!  So, hopefully, I will get back to my normal posting routine and try to get those out in the next day or so...I don't like feeling like I'm late...especially when the hardest part is already done!

The Things That Come Out of My Head...

The prompt for this week's Journal 52 page was "Party Animals".  You can read more about it HERE, but basically the prompt was to draw your favorite animal, or make up your own creature.

Seeing the awesome things that other people have done with human animal hybrid type things, I thought I would make something really cute...unfortunately, instead of cute, I accidentally painted this creepy, soul-stealing...I don't know what:

All I want to do is party and steal souls...and you're kind of acting like that makes me a terrible person...

It kind of worries me that this is what comes out of my head when I'm left to my own devises...

I don't hate her...despite her general creepiness...I just feel as though there needs to be another page done with a less creepy feel... I know that this same idea can be translated much less scarily, and I will be attempting that at some point.  On the positive side, I really like the bright colors that come I chose and the black background, which makes those colors even brighter...but also possibly adds to the creepy vibe.  I don't know, at the very least, she's original, right?

Also happening in my studio today, ironically enough, was today's Alternate Amy art:

"She was a little surprised."
I guess she saw the deer girl...

You can read the diary entry for today HERE, or just sit back and let this surprised girl take your mind off the creepy deer girl above.  

I was laughing at myself a little bit about the tag that has the stamped phrase on it.  I meant to do a rainbow tag...you know, ROY G BIV...Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet...instead what I ended up with was red, orange, green, purple, blue, and yellow...which my fellow fat kids will know as the colors in Post Fruity Pebbles (and if you're really good, you totally sang the colors out loud to the Fruity Pebbles theme song music...)  Curse my easily distracted brain! Hehehe...

 I am so very happy with this drawing.  I feel like I am progressing more and more with my artistic skills...although I have to admit that the deer girl is a bit of a disappointment...in my defense, she was much less creepy as a drawing...she didn't get that scary till I painted her.  But I wanted to draw a shocked/surprised face for today's Alt Amy spread, and I think that's definitely what the red headed girl portrays.  So yay!!!

  

Sometimes I wonder if I sound too...snooty woo woo look at me...when I say positive things about my work.  I don't mean it that way.  It's just that I've worked REALLY hard to get to the point I'm at, and it makes me so excited to see the effort paying off!  I don't have a whole lot of things going on in my life to be super proud about...the art stuff is really all I've got!  OK, art and double entendre/sexual innuendo...but my mom reads this blog, so I can't go there...hehehe...just kidding, Mom...  (She's totally going to fuss at me for saying that!)

Seriously, it is nice to be able to see progress...and to have something turn out on the page like I saw it in my head...that feels like a big accomplishment to me.   When I get done with one thing, I immediately start something new...I get super excited...I can't wait to see what the next thing I make will be like!  I wonder if that excitement will ever wear thin...but then I think, no, it can't, because there's always something new to try...always a different page to make...always another supply I've not used for a long time.  So hopefully, the happy feeling I get from arting it up will always stay with me...

I hope you too are always excited to make your own art...and almost as excited to come see what I make too!

She Knew It Was Time

"She knew it was time."

Here's the art from today's Alternate Amy entry.  You can read the fake journal post HERE, or just sit back and enjoy the art.

I drew the Dodo head for the 'put a bird on it' prompt from Journal 52, but ended up not using it in that spread...it's a good thing to hoard sometimes, isn't it?  I really like how he looks.

The black and white image of the lady (inside the frame) is some awesome art I found on Pinterest.  I don't know who the artist is, but I love it so much it's the wallpaper on my computer at work.  I don't know what it is about her, but I just find her completely enthralling!  The original is in color, making her even more lovely and melancholy than she appears above, but I printed off a bunch of copies in black and white by accident, and why waste...plus I think that might be the way I go with all of the 'other people's art' that gets added into the Alternate Amy journal...that way you'll know I didn't make it.  I'm pretty sure that thus far (except today) they have all been photographs that I've used but still black and white...so huzzah for that happening by pure accident... 

Thanks yet again to my art pals for the ephemera that has been sent to me, which has enabled me to make such fun collage spreads!  I am a general failure at collecting ephemera...it's a skill I really need to work on...  So, once again, my art friends save the day!  Thanks, you cutie pies! <3

Swept Away

The prompt for Journal 52 this week was to make a weather related page.  You can read more about J52 HERE.  I just could NOT get inspired by the weather prompt!  Nothing came to mind...NOTHING!  

Last night, I was fooling around with my pens and just started scribbling...random pen check to see which ones were running out of ink.  It ended up looking a little like a tornado to me, and I thought BOOM!  Weather related page...and here's what I ended up with:

"I have always been the calm at the eye of the storm...I get tired of the chaos around me.  Sometimes I wish I would let myself be swept away in it."

Simple pages count too I guess, right?  I just cut out a Marry Poppins silhouette and wrote the words and I was done.  On the opposite side, I hate 'fussy' cutting...so it did take me a minute to snip out Mary.

I usually have...what to call it...fish bowl syndrome (?)...I often feel like I am on the outside looking in on things.  People around me have a lot going on in their lives...there's a lot of craziness occurring.

Don't get me wrong, I'm do appreciate the relative calmness of my life.  I know I'm happy to avoid drama whenever I can.  And I know that most of the action happening in the lives of people around me is negative...self-inflicted, negative chaos.  ...why is it so easy to see the solutions to other people's problems, but our own seem so insurmountable?  ...I guess it's because we have no stake in the fight...the end result doesn't affect us, so we can have a free and easy opinion...that's what I think anyway.  But I digress...

Despite the fact that I appreciate the calm, I do have to admit that there is a small part of me that wishes for some fun excitement...or at least for a little positive change.  

I sometimes mentally bemoan the feeling I get that all the interesting things that are going to happen in my life have already happened.  Now it's just a slow, downward trudging to the grave...OK, OK, maybe that's a little hammy...but the less dramatic thought behind it rings true...

Maybe the fact that my younger years played out like a poorly executed novel has something to do with my partial dismay over the current lack of excitement.  I went from Cajun food to plain white rice over the years...and sometimes I miss the spice...

Now when I see chaos around me, I have mixed feelings.  Part of me wants to say these people are old enough to know better...but there is a teeny tiny voice that tells me I'm just jealous.  I'm sure that the excitement would get old pretty fast, but for a day or so...it'd be GREAT!  

Oh well, I guess for now I'll just sit back and watch the soap opera that's happening around me and enjoy the show.  Besides, nobody knows what's around the corner...maybe in a little while, I'll be in the throws of an adventure...wishing I was right back here in the calm...

And on that note, I'm off to work.  But before I go, here's the art for today's fake journal entry:

"She knew how she felt."

You can check out the diary entry that goes along with the art HERE if you'd like...or just enjoy the art...

I hope wherever you are in the world, you'll enjoy your calm or your chaos...because somewhere out there, someone's wishing for whichever one you have...

Nobody Quite Like You

"He was a pleasant surprise."

Here's today's art from my Alternate Amy project.  You can read the fake journal entry HERE if you'd like, or just stay here and enjoy the art aspect of it.  :)

On a side note, I'd just like to say that I am feeling a little more comfortable with collages in the few days since starting this project.  I always thought my collages looked like someone vomited art supplies and ephemera onto a page...but I'm liking most of the ones that have happened in my Alternate Amy journal...ok, that bright one with the chicken tested my enthusiasm...but the others are pretty good, if I do say so myself!

I have to give credit where credit is due and say it's mostly thanks to Dina Wakely's book ART JOURNAL FREEDOM.  I bought it with Amazon gift cards I was given for Xmas at work...just a couple weeks ago...yeah, I hemmed and hawed over how to spend those gift cards like I've never hemmed and hawed over an Amazon purchase before in my life!

The book might not be for everybody (cause nothing EVER is!), but I am learning about composition like a maniac!  There's also really good (and well explained) information about using color in your art.  That's not been too much of an issue for me...I just grab whatever seems right at the time and slap it down...it works out most of the time (although there's been more than a few ugo's since I've been arting)...but I do like the idea of purposefully using color to convey feelings, so I will eventually circle back around to that information.  For right now, though, the composition side of it is really helpful to me and I think it's coming across in my collage attempts...so YAY for that, right?  ...at least I'm happier with them, so there's that...

Today's collage has bits from my friends Anna and Jackie, so thanks VERY MUCH, ladies, for the awesome goodies!  

Besides getting better at collage, I'm loving this project for making me use things I've hoarded forever...  My starting point for every page is me sifting through my boxes and bags of ephemera and telling myself "use what you wouldn't use"...that approach has been pretty successful so far!  I still like the art, it doesn't look like my normal stuff, and I'm using up ephemera that's just been sitting there gathering dust (and dog hair)...it's a win-win-win situation!

By Way of Explanation

The prompt for Documented Life Project (DL) this week is monochromatic.  You can read more about it  HERE.

Imitation being the most sincere form of flattery, I decided to try my hand at THIS awesome drawing that I found on Pinterest.  Sadly, the pin doesn't go to a site, so I can't credit the original artist...but if you know who it is, please let me know!  I would love to credit them...and see more of their work!

Anywho, here's my spread:

"Are you afraid?"

And a close up of the drawing (which was done in colored pencil):

Her pupils are a little wonky in this picture, but I didn't see it till I enlarged the picture to put in the blog post...then I promptly fixed it...  Even with wonky pupils, she still makes me SO proud...and now, with fixed pupils, extra proud...

First, allow me to just say: SQUEAL OF DELIGHT!  SQUEAL OF DELIGHT!  I am so extraordinarily happy with this sketch...I can't even tell you...I just love it.  *pats self on back*  *sigh of happiness*

Ok, I'm good now...

Also, I finally...FINALLY...got myself some frisket (also known as masking fluid)...and I am in LOVE!!!  I've been painting it down and peeling it off all day to get to know it better...it's so stinking awesome...I have a fine liner bottle coming in the mail, and I can hardly wait to play with it in that way!  I get a sick amusement out of rubbing the dried up boogery goobers off of the paper...like when you were a kid and put Elmer's glue on your hand just so you could peel it off...I know that I wasn't the only one doing that!  This is like the adult version of that, but, at the end, instead of getting a dried glue hand print to throw in the trash, you get awesome art!  YAY!  

I did the "Are you afraid?" in today's DL spread with the frisket and Dylusions spray inks, first spraying down some Dylusions in blue hues, letting it dry, applying the frisket and letting it dry, and then spraying it with black Dylusions and letting it dry (seeing a pattern?) and, at last, rubbing the boogery frisket away to reveal the awesomeness underneath.

The idea for this spread came into my mind because of my "Alternate Amy" project.

For those that don't know about it, I'm doing a fake journal about what my life could have been like if I had not lost someone I loved very much to suicide.  (There's a link to the most recent entry farther down in this post.)  I'm writing out diary style posts and making an art journal spread to go along with each entry...doing all of it as though it was three years ago, before my loved one killed himself.

I originally started art journaling as a way to work through my grief.  Ok...that's not exactly true...  At first, I just thought it might be a way to take my mind off of what had happened...even just for a minute.  I needed to find something I hadn't done before...something I would have to concentrate on.  In other words, I was looking for an escape...but then I found out what a relief art journaling was.  I could put things down on the page and leave them there.  I inadvertently found a way to work through the grief...and then, slowly, I found out that I could work on myself as well.  I learned who I am and have been able to move forward in ways I never thought were possible.

And so when I was thinking about doing the fake journal (what I call the Alternate Amy project), I was leery.  I worried that I might be going backwards.  I only recently got some kind of a handle on what had happened.  I just finished working through obsession with the situation...realizing I was obsessed and that it wasn't healthy and taking steps to change that.  And here I was wanting to make a whole journal dedicated to him.  That seems like it should be a red flag, right?  I thought long and hard about it.  And I came to the conclusion that this is not about being obsessed.  

Next month is the anniversary of his death.  At this time of year, it's hard not to think about it...but it's not the only thing I think about.  Right now, in this moment, I need a way to honor him.  To show that he was important to me.  That I loved him and I still love him.  This project is my way of thanking him for all the things he gave me while he was here.

Life goes on, and that's a hard thing to deal with at times.  In order to live my life, I have to continue without him.  But, just because I move forward, that doesn't mean that I will ever forget who he was.  I know what he started inside of me...how much he affected my life when he was still here.  And I know that I wouldn't be at the place I'm at now if it weren't for him.  That's a huge part to play in someone's life, and it deserves to be recognized.

Everything that I do on this blog is because of him.  I've done the best I can to be the best person I can  without him in my life.  I'm proud of who I've become...I've come so far.  Alternate Amy, the fake journal, that's the person I might have been if he was still in my life...in the best scenario.  The only way I can think of to honor him is to show how much farther I might be if he were still here.

And on that note, I give you the art for today's Alternate Amy entry:

"She wondered if he remembered."

You can read the journal entry HERE if you would like.  

I hope that today's post explains my mindset a little, and helps you to understand why Alternate Amy is such an important project to me.  I hope that you will follow along and see what happens in that other place, where I still have him in my life.  And I hope that, as always, my work will inspire you in some way in your own creative endeavors.  I think that if I can inspire another person, even in a small way, then I pay forward the good things that were given to me.  And that is the best way I can think of to honor the person who gave them to me in the first place.