I've Got Mean Things On My Mind

The prompt for this week's DOCUMENTED LIFE (DLP) was to "add labels, receipts and business cards -smash book style"

I chose to ignore the first part...the part about labels, etc.  Mostly because I didn't have any of that stuff hanging about...  Ok, maybe a receipt from Walmart...but just because it's a part of my life, doesn't mean I want to immortalize it in my DLP book...because frankly, I avoid Walmart at all costs...and in a perfect world, I would NEVER have to go there...

So instead, I just chose to focus on the "smash book style" part.  Here's what I came up with:

This is so busy...it hurts my eyes...but in all honesty, if you could see how my brain works, it would look something akin to this...

I have a hard time with collage...  I was getting better when I was working on the Alternate Amy stuff, but I took a little break from doing that (I will go back to it at some point), and it seems like the collage skills just flew right out the window...

"Tell me what I don't want to hear..."
"I've got mean things on my mind."
"My tolerance for your appalling stupidity is at an all-time low."

Can you tell I was in a crap-tacular mood?

I got the line about mean things from this song:

The original song is by Robert Johnson, and here's his version:

I don't know that it's everybody's cup of tea, but I have been on a roll with this bluesy kind of music for the past couple weeks...

"It can't all be sweet."
"Art is more than a product of your efforts-it should be about feeling, life, attitude, soul."
-Sergei Bongart

This is not one of the best things I've done...I don't really like it that much...

But I am taking comfort in that quote above...about art being about feeling as well as effort...

This collage is not pretty...but neither were the thoughts behind it...

I'm sure I've written about this before at some point, but of all the emotions I possess, anger is consistently the hardest one to deal with.  It's the one feeling that I still believe I have no right to feel.  And that's kinda stupid, really..

It takes a lot to get me really and truly angry.  It takes a lot of constant provoking to get me to the point where I want to yell...and once I get to that point, I start to cry.  Which is infuriating in itself...  And it's not crying because I'm sad that I'm yelling...oh no.  Crying just seems to be my body's natural reaction to the angry...like I'm allergic to anger or something.  And there's nothing more irritating than that.  Because when you're so mad you want to yell, you want to feel powerful.  You want to stand up and make your point and (if need be) poke someone in the eye with that point!

But instead of that angry adrenalin surge filling me with the appropriate amount of power to make my point, it makes me cry.  ...and then I feel weak.  

And I'm not saying that crying is weak...I've learned that it's very much the opposite of weak...when you're sad.  But when I'm angry and I cry, I think it takes away from my anger...  Like instead of being mad and arguing, the other person has to pity you.  I don't want to be pitied in that instance...I want to be feared!  Or at least respected.  But preferably feared...

I don't like to be angry, but sometimes I have the right to be angry.

I like my weird brain, but sometimes I don't like the way it reacts.  

I like the way I think,but sometimes I hate it too.

I've heard about this lady that doesn't have the ability to forget...everything she's seen, heard, felt or thought is stuck in her brain...it's called hyperthymestic syndrome.  

Sometimes I think I must have a similar disease, except for instead of never forgetting, I can't stop thinking...maybe extreme over-analyzing is the right way to explain it.  It's kind of like there are these videos in my head of all the things that might happen, and they all play constantly, right on top of one another.  It makes it tough to make a decision...  

And the really bad part about it is that I see these ripple effects of my actions for things that don't really matter.  For instance, if I go eat the last Little Debbie right now, my husband will inevitably die in a car crash tomorrow, not having eaten a final oatmeal cream pie...and it will haunt me forever.  I know that's crazy (trust me, I KNOW) but you will be hard pressed to ever find me eating the last of anything...seriously.  And you would think that I could rationalize that in reverse and think I might also die tomorrow and it would be my last chance at an oatmeal cream pie...but no.  In that case, it's just a dumb oatmeal cream pie... 

*sigh*  

Why does my brain work that way?  It makes me feel really abnormal and, while I know I there's no such thing as "normal", there is such a thing as "insane"...and I honestly wonder whether anyone would notice if I ever did go completely off my rocker...especially since my grip on it is pretty questionable to begin with...

What about you?  What's the hardest emotion for you to deal with?  What do you do when you get mad?  Do you eat the last oatmeal cream pie (like a normal person) or leave it for the next guy?  Do you over-analyze things?  Do you ever question your own sanity?

Overkill...or Put Many Birds on It

This week's prompt for Documented Life (read more about DL HERE) was to incorporate a bird on your spread somehow.  And immediately, my mind went to this: 

HAHAHAHAHA!  That skit makes me laugh more than is necessary... 

And so in the spirit of that clip and birds everywhere, I made this spread:

"I want to think again of dangerous and noble things.  I want to be light and frolicsome.  I want to be improbable, beautiful, and afraid of nothing as though I had wings."
-Mary Oliver

I drew the birds...why have one bird when you can have four?  I'm the queen of overkill...on the page first (except the one at the top left, that one is a packing tape transfer) and then went looking for a quote to fill in the empty spaces.  I really like the quote that I picked, and, maybe it's just me, but I see the traits mentioned in the quote in the birds next to them...like the top left bird looks 'dangerous and noble', the bottom one looks 'light and frolicsome', etc....that was totally unplanned!  I think sometimes my brain formulates plans in the dark recesses and doesn't let me in on it till after the plan is carried out...I call them serendipity, but secretly my brain is toiling away to make those moments happen!  

On a side note, I love that paper on the left page...those zinnias are awesome and I couldn't bear to cover them over too much!  That was one of the pages I added to my SmashBook to make it have enough for 52 spreads...good choice, I think! *pats self on back*

I love that quote from Mary Oliver...one day I am going to do a page about her poem "The Journey"...I LOVE that poem...  My friend Pamikins was right, my pages are never done (in my eyes anyway) until I put words on them!

In other news, I got a new phone with a better camera than my last phone...I was so excited when I saw that picture because the colors are very true and it's so crisp!  I had a problem with color accuracy on my last phone, and then towards the end it started to take hazy looking pictures.  So hooray for the new phone and it's better camera!!!

Now I'm off for the night...possibly to put birds on more things... :)

A Documented Life and One Last Lovely Day

Isn't it amazing how much stuff you can get done when you're trying to avoid doing something you don't really want to do?  Well, maybe you are someone who just jumps in and does the boring thing to get it over with...I thought I was too, but it seems that's not entirely true...

A while back, a friend of mine asked me to sew something for her.  I really didn't want to, but I can't say no to her, so I agreed to do it.  At least a month ago, I got all the stuff to make it...and it sat there for various procrastinating 'reasons'.  But this past week, my glorious vacation week, I commanded myself to get it done before I had to go back to work.

So all week long, I avoided the fifteen minutes of time it took me to sew this thing for my friend by devoting a lot of time to things that also 'needed done'.  

It started out with me realizing I needed to clear my sewing desk (the one legitimate task on this whole list) before I could start sewing.  And I couldn't just dramatically sweep the clutter into the floor (which is my normal cleaning technique)...oh no...it was 'a place for everything and everything in its place'...and of course, some things had no home...so I had to make one for them...by cleaning and organizing the other places in the house...you know, so I could put the sewing desk clutter away.

And then we ran out of clean plates, so the dishes needed done.  And since the kitchen was clean, it was the perfect time to make some of those sugar cookies I've been craving for so long now.  And then my husband asked me to make him some banana bread, and how could I deny that?  (full disclosure: I am never swayed by what he wants...normally I'd tell him to make his own dumb banana bread...but I was procrastinating, so I made it...)  ...and then the kitchen needed cleaned up again...

And then, since I have to wear clothes, the laundry needed done before I have to go back to work...all of it...like summer clothes before I could pack them away...and winter clothes that I just hauled out...and then of course why not just wash everything and have it done with?  And that was the perfect time to see if anything didn't fit anymore (by trying on everything) and make a Goodwill bag...

And then since the studio (which included everything...down to sorting the smallest scraps of my ephemera stuff) and the kitchen and the laundry room were clean, the bathroom was the only one left, so I cleaned that too.  And, if you've been reading the blog for a while now, you know how much I don't clean...or don't like to clean...or don't like to even think about cleaning...so you know I was giving sewing project avoidance my all.

And then there was Morning Pages, and art journal stuff, and hanging some art around the house, and blog posts, and reading, and playing with Fusco the drop-off wonder dog...and...and...and...  The list could go on....and on and on...  Finally, I just had to knuckle down and sew.  And, yeah, it took me fifteen minutes...total...cutting, sewing, stuffing...everything, start to finish.  Quick, somebody yell "Shame on you, Sweets!"  

Nah, you don't need to say it, I already feel ashamed of myself...and snookered.  Like I snookered myself...  I mean, this whole time I could have been doing absolutely nothing of any importance and here I cleaned the house and made food and did responsible adult things everyday this week.  WHAT!?!  That's crap-ola... 

Just kidding about the crap-ola part (mostly).  All the stuff I got done did technically need doing...at some point.  Despite my laziness and general not caring about cleaning, I do like it when the house is in good order.  I'd just rather be doing other things...and I have a problem with cleaning up after grown people...I'm looking at you, husband!   ...but, since I bit the bullet and did it anyway, I do have to admit that I feel a certain amount of relief and comfort when the house is tidy.  And honestly, I think it makes me more creative as well.

I've worked on a lot of art this week, and did get several things done (you've seen some of them in the past couple days) and I've got something else to share with you today.

Have you heard about The Documented Life Project?  I bet you have, especially if you're on Pinterest...it seems like I see it every time I check in there...probably because it looks so AWESOME!  

"One part planner plus one part art journal and one part weekly challenge equals an amazing year of organization, inspiration and community."  That's the tagline.  If you want to find out more, or join in the *free* fun, you can find out more HERE and HERE.

This was actually a right place, right time project for me, because I've been wanting to redo that bill calendar I showed you a couple days ago.  The ladies doing this project/challenge are using/suggesting a Moleskine weekly planner, but since I am trying to use what I've got on hand when possible, I decided to convert a K&Company SmashBook that I've had since FOREVER (as in since they first came out...yeah, that's quite a while...).  I think SmashBooks are cool, but for some reason, I'd not been able to force myself to use the ones I've had (I have two...because they are so cool looking!).  Some people struggle with blank pages, I struggle with the thought of ruining already cool pages...but I powered through, and there's no going back now...

Here it is so far:

Look at those tabs!  Hubba hubba!

I put the monthly tabs in for quick reference.  I made them myself from my sweet stash of scrapbook paper...again, something I have (quite a bit of), but hardly ever use...same reason as above: don't ruin something that's already pretty!  I realized that it's better to just use it...they will make more paper...  To make the tabs, I just cut little squares of paper (about 3"x3"), folded them in half, rounded the corners with a corner punch, and used a tape runner to adhere them to the pages.  I wrote in the month names and used some Tim Holtz Idea-ologly Label Letters next to the handwritten.  I don't know how necessary the tabs are, but they just look cool, don't they?

Here's one of the pages.  It turns out that a smash book has enough pages for about 30 weeks (if you are doing each week like a two page spread), so I ended up adding some more pages with scrapbook paper.  I forgot to take a picture of it, but I found that the best way (for me) to add pages was to use some jewelry wire I had, loop it around the spiral binding, and then masking tape the ends to the paper I wanted to add.  Then, to cover the masking tape, I glued (or taped, really, with double-sided tape) scrapbook paper over top.  It was a little bit of a pain, but it worked really well without adding too much bulk.

Like I said above, I did each week of the year as a two page spread.  I drew in the calendar bits myself.  At first, I was being meticulous, with my ruler and accurate measurements and straight lines, but then that got boring and was taking FOREVER, so I just winged it the rest of the way.

As you can see in the picture, I also added monthly calendar pages as tip-ins on the pages where the first of the month landed.  The two pictures above show a tip-in closed and then an open one.  I used scrapbook paper (again) for those, using various washi tapes to adhere them.

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." - C.S. Lewis

This is the first page in the book.  I (washi) taped in two envelopes (one on either side) to the the little vellum advertising page at the beginning of the SmashBook.  I also left on the protective plastic cover thingie that the book comes in (I just cut off the part that goes over the pen/glue stick combo thingie...maybe it's called a SmashPen?), that way my cover will stay neat and clean...I like to reserve covers for the very last so they don't get messed up as I work in the rest of the book.  The clear plastic cover also gives me two pockets for holding various things (like another envelope...that's the yellow you can see peeking  at the top left of the left page).  

And I think that's it for the book so far...we'll just have to wait for the new year to see how the Documented Life Project will work.  I had fun making my little journal/organizer/whatever-you-want-to-call-it book, and I'm proud to say that I used ONLY what I had on hand to make it; I didn't buy one new thing!  That's an ongoing aspiration for me...to use what I have in my stash...so I can have room to buy more things!  I really need to yarn-it-up, because if I could go through my stash of yarn, I'd have A LOT more room...but I digress...

So today is my last lovely day of vacation...it's been wonderful...*sigh of happiness*  I don't want to go back to work tomorrow...*sigh of sadness*  I've decided that I was meant to be a House Frau... but one who doesn't really cook or clean all that much...so maybe Lady of Leisure fits better...  Yeah, definitely that one...  Unfortunately, art supplies are not free, so (hi-ho, hi-ho) it's back to work I go.  I've heard people say they couldn't stay at home all day, because it would be boring, so they work even when they don't have to.  Can I just slap those people?  I make my own fun...as long as I could afford art supplies, I'd be fine.  So if any of those 'bored' people want to switch places with me, that would be awesome.

What about you?  Are you meant to be a House Frau (like I was)?  Or do you prefer to go to work (and if so, can we switch places)?  What about Documented Life?  Have you heard of it?  Are you going to see what it's all about and attempt it with me?  Or do you have other fun projects planned for the new year?