The prompt for REVERB14 today is:
As you enter into the new year, what would you like to do/make/have/be more often? How will you bear witness and celebrate the tiny milestones? How will you respond on the occasions your intentions do not come to pass?
She looks so happy, doesn't she?
My word of the year for 2014 was "Condition". I chose that word because, at times, it's all too easy for me to...not follow through. And this year, I've learned that I can actually see things through to completion. That's a big deal!
I've put a good amount of thought into it, and I think my word of the year for 2015 is going to be "Freedom". "Freedom" in 2015 means I give myself the freedom to do things because I want to...without feeling guilty and without giving up.
A while back, a good friend of mine shared a thought with me: "Life is too short to second guess every decision." At the time, I read what she had written in a passing way, without giving it too much attention. But recently I read over it again.
Everything I do in life, or even think about doing, is constantly analyzed and then re-analyzed and thought about and mulled over and picked apart...this is how my brain does things...how it's done things for a long time. And I'm not saying that it's always a bad thing...there are things in life a person should put thought into. The problem is when you're constantly thinking you never end up actually doing.
Most of my over-thinking comes from fear...fear of hurting others, fear of disappointing others, fear of failure, fear of the unknown... I've spent a lot of years not doing anything because of fear. I've spent a lot of years not doing anything.
2015 will be the year of doing.
I entirely acknowledge the fact that I will have to be brave, be strong, put forth a lot of effort, take risks, believe in my own abilities and do a lot of other things that are generally out of my comfort zone.
I also acknowledge that things may not turn out as I hope...but to paraphrase a popular quote 'you can't live the same year 75 times and call it a life'.
I've already started, in a small way, to work towards my goal of freedom to do as I choose. And that small start is kind of a reward in itself. My start towards my goal was a purchase...a piece of furniture! Well actually a couple pieces...and some paint and stain to make them my own (with some help from my talented Mom...aka she's doing all the hard work and then they come live with me...she's a nice lady, that mom of mine...).
Most everything in our house, furniture-wise especially, we have because we got it for free...because someone else didn't want it. Which is nice, in a way, because we could use it and it didn't end up in a dump somewhere... But there is no identity in it. We don't have things because we like them necessarily, but because they were usable.
I want to have a space that screams "THIS IS AMY"!!!
I want to be surrounded by things that are mine...not a lot of things per say, but I want to find...I don't know...a kind of joy in the things that I own. Not that material things are the source of happiness (I definitely don't mean it like that!), but that I can look at the things I happen to possess and smile because they are a reflection of me as an individual...in the same way that the art I create is a reflection...but my canvas is a room and my paints are the furniture...does that make sense?
Maybe that's how I will reward my milestones in 2015...with furniture...
As far as how I will deal with things that don't turn out as I hope? I would like to say badly! haha...
This year, I'm going with "Try, try again" if at first I don't succeed.
I am good at letting things go. Which is a positive way of saying that if the going gets tough, I stop where I'm at and set up camp. Not always, but mostly. "It just wasn't meant to be"...or I "didn't really care that much to begin with"...or whatever excuse works at the time.
2014 proved to me, in a small way, that I can stick with things, and 2015 will prove it in a large way. I'm tired of letting things happen to me...this year I will make things happen.