Conduit

Today's question for Reverb 2014 is:

We are all lightning rods, conduits for that which the Universe wants born into this world.  What energies did you channel this year?

It all flows through.

This is the type of question that I am really bad at.  Despite my slow acceptance of what I would have formerly called "hippy dippery", I am still a bit resistant to some things.  It's either because I am not quite sure what the question really means or else because I don't really accept the thought that the 'universe' wants things...but maybe my logical brain is being too literal.  

The only thing that I was relatively sure about was the definition of conduit...and so I thought about what 'flows through me' as I made the above page in one of my art journals.

I think this has been a year of opposites for me in a way.  A year of holding on and releasing.  It was a time of looking at what I should let go of and what I should keep.  And then trying to learn to be at peace with those decisions instead of constantly questioning them....still not the best at that, but I'm trying...  Maybe 2015 will be the year to keep learning how to act on those decisions...because otherwise, it doesn't matter that they were made.

It's been a few years of crazy emotions for me now, but this year I think I learned to be better at directing those feelings...letting them flow out of me instead of bottling them up til I drown in them. Not just letting them go, but, also, that I release them into the direction of whatever caused them...not on unsuspecting victims like before.

It's also been a year of standing up for myself and then being offered the chance to forgive and forget...something that I have been completely unfamiliar with before.  Not that I haven't had the opportunity to do so in the past, but this was probably the first time I wanted to do it.  In the past, I've been fantastic at being walked on and holding grudges over it....Wimpy VanGrudgerstien could have totally been my nickname...  I gained something really precious from stepping up and saying something and then in forgiving someone and moving forward with them still in my life...it's been a hugely rewarding experience for me.

I think this year I've started to learn what it means to be alive...what it means to me personally and to finally stand up and say 'I am the one who decides what I do with MY life.'  And maybe that's the real answer to today's question:  Life flows through me...the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult...it all flows through me.