Saturday, May 18, 2013

Countdown, Day 7: And now, what NOT to do...

Last day!  I am so proud I made it this far!  I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but here we are!  Woo Hoo!!!

With yesterday's page being about what I wanted to be like, I thought it would be good to think about what I don't want to be like.  I came up with a lot of good attributes yesterday.  I only came up with 10 things to avoid, but boy, do they encompass a lot! 

So here you go, my list of things to AVOID AT ALL COSTS:
Black white and red only...I like that it's so different from yesterday's light and airy page...this one looks HEAVY.

1. Insecurity- You ARE enough.  Who doesn't struggle with this from time to time?  I am tired of it.  I am enough, and if there's something I don't like about myself, I can change it.  No need to obsess about it any more.

2. Being petty- There will be bigger fish to fry.  In other words, don't sweat the small stuff and don't make the small stuff bigger than it is.  Be honest, is it really that important?  Sometimes we need to 'take a step back and admit we're being ridiculous'. (I saw that quote on pinterest.)

3. Debt- It will stress you out.  Save your money; pay with cash.  Patience is tied into this too.  We live in a 'need it now' world.  It's easy to fall into the trap.  But there will never be ANY material possession that is worth the headache and anxiety caused by giving up financial freedom.  I wish I didn't have to learn this the hard way.  If I ever get out of debt, I will never let myself get sucked back in!

4. Worry- If you can fix it, fix it.  If not, what's the point in worrying?  I used to be so good at being carefree.   Now I worry about scenarios that haven't happened and probably never will happen.  There's a saying: worrying is like a rocking chair, it keeps you busy but you don't get anywhere.  I don't know what changed in me that made me be a worry wart, but I am going to work on changing it back.  

5. Blame- Did they hold a gun to your head?  If not, you had a part.  I am the one who makes the decisions, I am the one who will live with the consequences.  I can say yes and I can say no and blame is pointless.  It doesn't matter who's fault something is, the result is still the same.  It's much wiser to spend time fixing the problem than pointing the finger.

6. Transference- This person is NOT that person.  Don't act as if they were.  (You can read more about transference HERE and HERE)  Just because people act similarly, it doesn't make them the same person.  When a good friend of mine passed away, I found myself actively looking for someone who was like him, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that;  I loved my friend very much and valued his qualities.  I DO want to find those positive traits in others.  The problem happened when I started looking, not for someone like him, but for HIM.  People are individuals, no two are the same.  It's not fair to yourself or the other person to project your emotions onto that person, in effect, making them something they are not and can not be.  If you love someone, love THAT person.  If you angry at someone, be angry at THAT person.    Don't push those feelings (good or bad) onto an undeserving third party.

7. Regret- You can't change it, you can only learn from it and move on.  Being regretful isn't all bad, don't get me wrong.  Having regrets means that we made a mistake and that we recognize it; we have a conscience. But it's very easy to become mired in regret.  Bad things happen.  Some we cause, others not.  We don't get to live life in reverse.  No matter how bad we wish it were otherwise, all a person can do is avoid repeating the mistake.  If we keep living in the past, what's happening now will pass by without us even knowing it.  We only get one go round, let's not waste it by only looking backwards.

8. Can't- Can't never did nothing.  Try.  Try harder.  Keep trying.  When I was a little girl, my mother used to say that to me all the time: "Can't never did nothing."  Oh my goodness, how annoying (and grammatically incorrect) it was.  But I'm older and a little wiser now, and not too proud to say that my mom was right (although it's still bad grammar) .  You can do practically anything you can think of.  You might not be able to do it well, but you can still try.  And if you aren't happy, you try harder and keep trying until you are happy.  I feel like my creative endeavors are a good example of this.  There was a time when I thought I couldn't make art.  But I put my pencil to the paper and found that I could make a mark.  It wasn't good or pretty, but it was a mark on a page and it was a start.  I kept trying and, lo and behold, I am making art. It might not be the most beautiful art in the world, but I'm getting better and better.  Can't stops us in our tracks.  There isn't a limit to what we can do if we try and keep trying.

9.  Hate- Look for their motives.  Pity the stupidity.  Remember: Free Will.  Life is short and I don't want to waste time.  People are going to do stupid things, but hating them is a waste of time.  Hatred clamps down on your brain so hard that you can't seem to shake it.  It really is a shame that some people have to act the way they do.  Hating them for the it, though, is not productive.  I've decided to start looking for the motives a person has for doing things or acting a certain way.  Sometimes there is a relatively valid reason, other times it is pure stupidity in my eyes.  But (and that's a big BUT) everybody has free will, each person has the intrinsic right to do as they see fit.  Walt Whitman said "dismiss what insults your own soul".  I find that if I can pity someone, if I can feel sorry for them over what they do or how they act, then I can do just that: let go of it and move on to better things.

10. Being trendy- Why be them when you can be you?  ...did anyone really ever look good in parachute pants?  Perhaps a better way to put this is "Why be a copy when you can be an original?"  The world would be a boring place if everybody was the same.  Our flaws are what make us human.  Our quirks are what make us interesting.  I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this subject lately.  I've been analyzing myself, not with the intention to fit in NOR with the intention to stand out, but with the intention to be someone I can be proud of.  There are many people I admire, who have certain qualities I would like to possess, but I do not want to be those people; what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another person.  I want to use the good things as 'ingredients'.  I want to take those admirable qualities and my own harmless oddness and mesh them together and make something separate from, and hopefully better than, the pieces I started out with.  I don't want to be anybody else; what I DO want is to be the best version of me.


  1. Sounds good to me! Congrats for your accomplishment!

    1. Thank you! It feels really good to have gotten through it!

  2. Wow, You are very wise. I can tell you have really been thinking. I'm very proud for you. I have to say, you are much wiser at 30 than I was. Good for you. You will have many years of happiness because you are working on you. Loving you is the best thing you can do for yourself. Once you love yourself, loving others is much easier.

    1. Thanks Boo! I know that I wouldn't be so wise if it wasn't for all the help I've had along the way! I've been extremely lucky to have some lovely ladies (hmm...who could that be?...) in my corner rooting for me. I owe a lot to you all! In the end, I know it has to be me who puts it into practice, but I know I wouldn't have the courage to try to do it without all the support you ladies give me.

  3. Happy that your list had that #1 - You are enough!!! Sweets, I met you at as an awesome 29 year old and cannot wait to interact with the amazing, creative, inspiring 30 year old you will be.
    Hugs, Pam

    1. I put that in there just for you Pam! It's very true, but I think I needed to hear it from someone I trusted before I could believe it myself.

      I hope I live up to your 30 year old expectations! May either I be awesome or your standards be low! (haha) :)

  4. Inspirational words for anyone of any age. Thank you for sharing them :0)

    1. Thank you! I hope that I can keep them in mind and work to live my life this way!


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