I Can't Say It...

I'm feeling so productive today!  I've been working like a busy little bee on art every day this week...I feel like (fingers crossed) I've got my mojo back!  Hooray for mojo!!!  

I went through some of my paper scraps and said good-bye to the minuscule pieces I've hoarded...keeping small paper scraps is ok, but if you need a microscope to see them, it's probably ok to just toss them...

I also cleaned my studio desk...again...and did some reorganizing so that maybe it won't be such a terrible mess so quickly.    I have to fess up to being a bit of a person who piles.  There's not a HUGE amount of space in my studio...so I pile things.  This works because I do know where things are when they're in piles.  This doesn't work because the thing I need next is always at the bottom of a pile.  So I made a yard sale score a couple of weeks ago and got some little wire shelves to sit on my desk.  They are not fancy, but I think they'll work...it's the same principle as piling except I don't have to move the stuff on top to get to the stuff underneath!  I finally put them to use (after procrastinating about cleaning for so long), so we'll see how it goes...

Here's my most recent work...I hate to say it, but I think that my mojo came back for the clean desk:

"I can't say it..."
 I'm sad that I can't get my phone to pick up the extreme awesomeness of the colors on this page!  In reality, the background is a beautiful teal, her hair is a nice grassy green, and her eyes are a deep sea blue...apparently I need to use some kind of app to make the red tones chill out...  But, just let me promise you, on my honor, that the true colors of this page thrill me to the core!

Have you ever felt that way?  Like you really want to say something, but you know you just can't?  Maybe you know it's not the right time, or maybe you question the other person's receptivity to what you want to say, or maybe you feel like it won't make any difference...but for whatever reason, your instincts tell you that you shouldn't go there...

Today, while sitting among my co-workers during lunch...an interesting conversation occurred.  Whatever started the conversation, I do not know...but at some point during the conversation, I got told that I was blunt...which kind of made me laugh.  I've never thought of myself that way!  In my head, being blunt is a negative thing...like a person who shoves it in your face without giving a hoot about civility.  But the exact statement was "I wish my girlfriend was more like you...you know, blunt..."  (First time anyone's ever wished for a girlfriend to be like me, I can assure you...haha) A discussion on my 'blunt' ways followed...apparently a lot of the guys I work with were waiting for the opportunity to talk about me to me...  It's weird to be involved in a conversation that you're the topic of...at least it was for me...

I was informed that my bluntness is very much appreciated by the masses...at least the masses of my manly co-workers.  I guess I can understand how blunt could be a good thing, I just never looked at it that way.  I looked at it as 'blunt = rude'.  But apparently the group of co-workers look at it like 'blunt = honest'.  I'm pretty happy to be known as honest.  Part of the discussion about all things Sweets was that, while I'm honest, I'm also nice about it.  I guess that's true...I don't generally just smash the truth in people's faces if it's something I know they don't want to hear...I try not to anyway...

And then there was a point where the conversation turned to the age-old question: "Why can't women just tell you what they want?"  ...which makes me laugh...I don't know how I got to be the spokesperson for women everywhere...especially since I apparently (at least in the eyes of the dudes I work with) don't act like a 'normal woman'...  Which I pointed out.  But, being pressed into the position of womanly knowledge administrator, I did at least try to answer the question...with a multiple choice answer:  D) all of the above.

The answer to this question is so vast and different for each woman that it's hard to answer it in the confines of part of a half-hour lunch...

I think a lot of women (like me), learn at an early age that what they want 'doesn't matter'.  I grew up with an extremely domineering father...it was his way and there was no other way.  After my dad was gone, I had to do a lot of things for the good of my family...again, it didn't matter what I wanted because there wasn't a choice.  And that's what you get used to...everyone else is more important than you, what you want doesn't matter, so why even mention it?  Somewhere along the way, I realized that what I want is important too...and I very gradually changed.  I got to the point where I would have rather been completely alone than to have to stay on the back burner for the rest of my life...  Not every woman comes to that realization...or they're not there yet.  That's not to say it's all ME! ME!ME! in my life now.  In a lot of things, I still don't say what I want...which leads to the second point.

Sometimes we don't say what we want because we really don't care either way.  This one is especially hard for my husband to understand.  Just because it's a big deal to him, it doesn't mean it's a big deal to me...  For instance choosing between cable and satellite...I don't give two flips about it.  But for him, it was this huge life altering decision.  It took me forever to get him to understand that I just didn't care!  I honestly thought it was idiotic for him to care so much...in our almost 10 year marriage, we've had both...they're pretty much the same to me...a million channels and there's still nothing good on!  ...but I digress.  

I think another big reason we don't say what we want is that we want our significant other to pay attention.  We want to know they really listen to us...so instead of saying what we want, we give them subtle clues that even Sherlock Holmes couldn't follow...just so we feel like they listen/pay attention/care.  But dudes have tiny caveman brains...er...I mean...brains that work differently than ours...they don't know what clues are!

Personally, I am annoyed by those girls...the extreme subtle hinters...because I hate to be subtly hinted to myself.  Just tell me already!  The subtle hinters are also the kind of girls who say things like "I hate it when I tell my boyfriend about a problem I'm having and all he does is try to fix it...I just want him to listen!"  Stupid girl, I smack your ignorant face!  If you want somebody to listen, tell your lady friends...most men are just programmed to want to fix things!  The difference is love vs. respect.  Women want to be loved...so when you tell a woman your problems, she thinks "I hear her problem, and I want her to know I understand how she feels so that she will know I care."  Men want to be respected...when you tell a man a problem, he thinks "I hear her problem and I will fix this for her...that will show her I care...and she will respect me for my manly problem solving abilities."  For the most part, women want to be heard/understood, men want solutions.  Of course, there are exceptions to the rules...I totally lean towards being a solutions kind of gal.  Don't get me wrong, empathy is nice, but I'd rather just know how to fix the problem.

This goes back to the original point of "why can't women just say what they want?"...women want you to do things because you love them, which is emotional; men want you to do things because you respect them, which is more mental.  As a woman who now acknowledges her emotions, I've realized that I've started to put more of the 'why' of things into my choices...what will doing/not doing this make me feel...I'm learning to be more intuitive...there are a lot of grey areas with intuition.  As a woman who was resistant to emotions for most of her life, I also realize that many of my prior decisions were very analytical...here are the facts, black and white, this is the answer.  I think that's the difference between men and women in this regard...we women want to explain ourselves...and sometimes we just don't manage to get back around to the point...and the point is all men are interested in.  If you don't believe that, think about foreplay and how men and women differ there...yeah, see told ya so... (Again, I acknowledge exceptions to the rule...hehehe)

Anyway, that was my interesting lunch time conversation.  Clearly men are desperate for advice...I mean, they're coming to me for it...CLEARLY DESPERATE!  In the end, all I could really tell them was to listen and pay attention...because that's what I would want...someone who cares enough to listen to what I say.  And so to be fair, my advice for ladies: be more direct.  If you really want something, just say it.  Don't be an enigma...be an adult.  Those are my words of wisdom for today.

Jane Girls

October was a bit of a bust for me, I must admit...  My creativity flew out the window to some warmer climate...my procrastinating parts over-took me...there were several downright frowny face days...days I just felt BLAH for no reason...or for no reason I want to fess up to...  Gross.

But now October is over, and I don't particularly want to spend November on the same path.  I therefore turn my back on this year's October and all it's crappy ways, and I won't dwell on it anymore.  So long stupid jerk-tober!

There are a few exceptions to the majority crapfest that was October for me.  I did get a little bit of art done, despite my muse's vacation.  I already shared some of it...not my usual style, that collage...so I guess somebody else's muse must have been visiting me that day.  But I do like it.

I am also almost done with my reciprocation care package for my friend Anna.  I won't share it until I am sure she's gotten it, but it won't be long now...just icing the cake at this point...

And one of the really good things that happened in October was that Cloth Paper Scissors had a sale on a lot of their online classes...and I got two.  I got one of Joanne Sharpe's Artful Lettering, which I need to look at more in depth so I can apply it...however, I really liked one of the ideas on the video and used it in the spread below.  And, the other one I got is Jane Davenport's The Whimsical Face, which made me super happy.  I really like Jane's style of faces, and this video is such a nice intro to faces in her style.  Whether you're not comfortable drawing faces yet, or you just want to try a different style of face (like me), this video is AWESOME!  Full disclosure, I got the videos for $5 each (because of the super sale), and I feel like this video would have been worth it even at full price.  Although, at full price, which is $30, I wouldn't have gotten it, because I am on spending lock-down, so I would never have known how awesome it is...but it's definitely nice to have in the arsenal of craftiness now that I do!  

This is my 3/4 face that I did along with the video:

...I think this girl is wearing a scrunchie...don't judge her too harshly...

I really appreciated Jane's instruction on how to achieve a decent looking 3/4 face...she made it really easy to understand and accomplish!  I find this gal's ear to be a bit weird (it just looks unfinished to me...also, like an elf ear...), and I'm not a fan of her hair or shirt...but the face is pretty happy-making!

One of the things I really found useful in the video (possibly my favorite tip) was that she encourages you do draw with colored pencils instead of graphite ones...among other reasons, because you can't erase colored pencil, so you don't get too fussy with your drawing...it stays loose.  I like that, because I am an over-eraser if nothing else...so this way makes me a little less of a freak...plus, you can see the sketch lines in places.  I love seeing that in other people's work, so anything that helps me get them in mine is aces in my book!

This is a two page spread I did using the front facing portion (which encompasses the majority) of the video, and I also used one of Joanne Sharpe's techniques from her video for the lettering:

"And it bothers me that I care."

Close up of the left page:

There is a lot of stuff going on in the background, which I don't know that the camera picks up very well...specifically, that the background is sparkly...  Also, I was using my industrial strength heat gun to dry the paint...and it started to bubble...which I found to be super cool, so I purposefully heat-bubbled the entire background...I probably have paint fume poisoning now, but the resulting bubbles light up my life...

And here's the right page close up:

I am happy with this gals hair!  If you've read the blog for a while now, you know that hair almost always eludes me...but I really like what's going on with this gal's luscious locks!  And I love the color of her eyes...is it egotistical to swoon over something you've done?  I'm swooning for the color, and technically, I didn't make the color, I just picked it...so can we say no...I don't want to come off all snooty! 

On a side note, now that I've taken this class of Jane's, I am really wanting to take another one of her classes, Express Yourself, which is about drawing emotions...I REALLY want to take this class!  I am saving my pennies as we speak...hehehe.

In regards to the above spread, "And it bothers me that I care", the mushy brain stuff overflows.  It's probably due in part to crap-tober, but then again, maybe crap-tober was due to the mushy brain stuff coming up...the circle of pessimism.  You get two points if you just tried to sing "circle of pessimism" to that song from the Lion King...

I saw something the other day that kind of hit a raw nerve with me.  "In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek."  It's supposed to be a French proverb.  I don't know if this is what it's supposed to mean, but when I read it, I immediately thought it meant 'there's always one person who loves more'.  And I think that 99.9% of the time, that's a true statement...at least it seems that way in my life.  And it's a frustrating truth.

On one hand, the downside.  You give and give and rarely get anything in return. Not that you give with the idea of receiving, but if love were equal, both people would have the other person's interests at heart.  But it's not equal.  So if your thinking only of the other person...and they're thinking of themselves too...you don't ever get your needs met.  And everyone deserves to receive the things they need.  It's hard enough to put yourself out there...and then to not have any kind of reaction to your effort, it hurts.  I'm tired of that kind of pain.  It makes me feel like nothing.  And I am not nothing.  I am a pretty decent person, as a matter of fact!

I said to someone once that all I wanted was to be appreciated.  And that hasn't changed.  I try hard to be a good person, to help people if I can, to be kind.  I try extremely hard to be the kind of person who is there for other people when they need me.  I don't think there are a great many people out in the world who honestly care about others, but I fight to be someone who does.  Because people deserve to have someone to care about them...all people do.  I just stop and question whether I have someone who does that for me in my daily life.  And even if I don't, I doubt that's the thing that bothers me.  That part I can deal with.  I just wonder if anyone notices that I truly care.  Does it matter?  Does anyone see it?  Has anyone ever said to themselves 'she doesn't have to be that way, but she is'?  I don't want glory or praise or whatever...I just want...acknowledgement, I guess...to know that I matter to somebody...to know that I make the hard parts a little bit easier for someone.  I feel lucky enough to have people in the online art community who make me feel...seen...who make me feel missed when I'm not around.  That's a really nice feeling.  I just kind of wish I had more of that in my daily life sometimes.

The other side of that whole loving more thing, is how can it be bad?  Why should I feel sad that I'm willing to extend myself for others, even if they don't notice?  It's not hurting anything, is it?  Would I be able to look at myself in the mirror if I stopped putting myself out there?  (No, I wouldn't...I've tried...it was an epic fail.)  The world can be a hard place, so if I can soften the edges by sending out good things, why should I question the worth of that goodness?  It's as much as I can do, and that's all that you can ask of yourself.  It's enough to do the good we can do as individuals.  It's enough.

So, point of the spread, is that it bothers me that I care whether anyone notices my effort.  I feel like a whiny, self-involved jerk about the whole thing.  But it's how I feel.  I can't...or I won't anymore...just dismiss that feeling.  I am learning that it's important to accept how I feel, the good and the mushy.  I need to understand why I feel the way I do, instead of trying to repress/cover over/lie to myself/etc.  I've learned that if I just cover things over, they just rise to the surface again...usually in a more ugly and hateful way than the first time around.

If I can understand why I feel like I do, then I can move forward. I can say "Self, I see why you feel that way...but have you thought about it like this?"  ...I guess I can reason with myself.  Sometimes I can work out an answer.  Sometimes, I can't.  But just the fact that I see and accept my feelings has been helping me to feel better about what goes on in my head...it's personal acknowledgement, I suppose.  I see myself.  Even if no one else does, I can finally see myself.  And that's a powerful thing.  And it's not a skill I've always possessed, so now that I am learning to do it, I feel so good about it!  I still have pity parties...we will call them most of last month...but being able to find my way out of it, that's priceless to me.

I know that I must not be the only person out there who feels this way...the world is a huge place and there's only so many feelings to go around.  So, I hope if you are feeling unnoticed, under-appreciated, or unloved, you will be able to see that, even if they never say it, there are people who notice you, there are people who appreciate what you do, and that there are people who love you.  But it's my sincere wish that, when you really need it, someone will whisper those good things in your ear and that you will believe them when they do.

Happy Mail and Some Encouragement

First of all let me just say a big WOO HOO!!!  I got some beautiful mail art today, from not one, but two lovely ladies!  Hooray!

First, from my darling Pamikins:

Two very awesome napkins, some really cool dress shaped paper (I think they must have been from a notepad?), and two AMAZING ATCs!  I love them both so much!  I love that Marilyn Monroe quote, especially that first line "Imperfection is beauty" (read on, because it applies to what I'll be talking about farther down).  And I love the WTF? ATC, that face... "Oh Lawd!"  I LOVE IT!!!  Thank you my dearest Pamikins!   

And from the fantastic Rose:

A fabulous bookmark (oh, I love these so much...I put my other one to good use right away, and, since I am a multiple books at once kind of reader, I will be doing the same with this one!), some really neat numbers (aren't they just too awesome???  I have been plotting with these since I opened the envelope...that 6 and the Paris napkin from my Pam are destined to be together I do believe!), a beautiful note card with butterflies (I love these so much, I don't know where she got them from, but I want to go to that place!) and then the Geisha and Crane piece, which I ADORE!  Thank you, wonderful Rose!

I am always so amazed by the creativity of the wonderful friends I've made online.  They are all so generous, kind and encouraging.  I am so fantastically lucky just to know each and every one of them!  Their kind words have made me so bold in taking chances and trying new things.  I know I would not have progressed as far as I have in so short a time without them cheering me on!

I had promised that I would share some of my beginning drawings with the ladies, and I decided to include them in this post too.  And I'm letting you see the horror that is my beginning drawings, because I want everybody to see that there is ZERO natural talent at work in me.  ZERO.  You won't believe it, but the following drawings aren't even the worst ones I did!  (I covered over the worst of them with gesso, hollered "DO-OVER!" and made art journal pages...so the following ones are the LEAST WORST...when you see them you won't think a person could do any worse, but trust me, there were worse...)

So here are a few of the (least) worst drawings I did when I was starting out:

Look at those hands...are they made out of straw?  Humongous head, little body.  Circular eyeballs.  Check out that nifty hair she's got going on there...look how flat her face is.  What nose has EVER looked like that?

Hand behind the back = I didn't have to attempt hands.  Two different sized legs.  Circle eyeballs again.  Who's hair looks like that?  What is up with those boobs?  It looks like one of her silicon implants is deflating...

So, you can't draw realistically?  Let's make some doll-like drawings then...good grief, how can you screw that up? Let's take note of just how you can screw it up: ..that hand situation...it looks like starfish and octopus tentacles...those are the fattest legs any ballerinas have ever had...do they have gout or something?  but look...eyeball improvement...they're no longer circles at least...  hair is clearly still an issue...  and proportion...

Check out that sweet pear shaped bod this gal's got going on...oh, and the one piece squiggle hair...who drew this stuff, a five year old?  Yuck.  

So, do you see what I mean?  NO NATURAL TALENT.  And the reason I want everybody to know that I have NO natural talent whatsoever, is so that they will know that they CAN draw (or paint or whatever).  All it takes is practice.  Talent is not needed.  Practice is the only thing you need.

Don't get me wrong, I know I am still, by far, NOT the best myself.  But, look at the above drawings, and then look at these: 

OK, she's definitely stylized, right?  But look at the 'before' doll-like drawings...disproportionate and terrible in general...  Now look at her, she's not perfect, but she's mostly in proportion.  The legs and arms do not look like disfigured sea creature appendages...  There is some sense to the hair as well...

OK, so what's going on here?  Still not perfect, right?  The wrong eyeball is bigger.  It looks like she got punched in the left cheek and it's swollen.  Mouth is still not right.  BUT, face has a face shape (it's not just a circle anymore!).  Same with the eyes.  The nose looks like it belongs on a human for once!

And then there's this girl, who I think is the best one I've done so far.  I still have hair issues, but I'm working on it...there is improvement.  Again, more realistic face shape, eyes, nose, mouth...more realistic everything!

I'm not showing you these because I want showered with praise...PLEASE DON'T!!!  I'm showing you because I want you to see that ANYBODY can get better with a little practice.  Again, I know that I've still got plenty of things I can do to improve, and I will keep practicing and practicing until I get to the point where I'm 100% satisfied (we all know that's imaginary...I bet no one is ever 100% satisfied...).  

I just want you all to see that you CAN draw (or paint or whatever), if you are willing to take the time and practice.  I've watched a lot of videos online, and did a lot of research, and I still am on the lookout for more and more.  I LOVE art, looking at it, practicing, reading about it, seeing what others do... I love everything about it and I do SOMETHING every single day.  

From the beginning drawings up above to the more recent ones down at the bottom, only about 6 months or so have passed.  When I look at these images, I can hardly believe that I've improved so much in that small amount of time!  It gets me so excited to think what I'll be able to do in another 6 months that I can't do now!

I guess the point I am trying to make is that six months from now, you can still be sitting there saying  "I wish I could..." or "I'll never be able to..." or you could be sitting there saying "Look how far I've come!"  I know you can do it if you really want to!  All you have to do is try and keep trying!  I KNOW YOU CAN!

OK, I'm getting down off my soapbox now...

Again, I just want to say a big THANK YOU to Rose and Pam for my GORGEOUS care packages!  (You ladies made my day a million times better!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!)  And I want to add more big THANK YOU's to all the fantastic folks I am lucky enough to know!  Your words of encouragement are a big part of the reason I can sit here today and say "Look how far I've come!"  Thank you all!

My Brief Flash of Genius and ICAD day 3

A while ago, I talked about the coolness of packing tape transfers...they remain cool to me.  You can find a tutorial on them HERE.

I was having a lousy thoughts day and decided I needed to get some stuff out in my journal, just some mental yuck that I didn't want anybody to see in the end.  I just wanted to get some kind of cathartic release thing to happen.

Anyway, I was looking for an empty space in a journal to work out my frustrations on and came across a page where I had just written something random and stuck down an extra transfer I had done.  Then I had an epiphany.  A big "What if I..." epiphany.  

So  I grabbed some acrylic paint and squirted it over top of the page, moving it around with an old credit card.  And then I took a paper towel and swiped over the packing tape transfer that was on the page...SUCCESS!  The paint wiped right off.  Hooray!  So when the paint dried, I used a sharpie and started writing out some of what was in my brain and then stuck another packing tape transfer over that.  Then I repeated these steps (with different colors of paint) till everything was of my head and did one final layer of paint over the top of everything.

And here is the result:

The first transfer that was on the page was the bird one...I "put a bird on it".  Hehehe...Portlandia.

I really like the image of the dancers, it's so interesting to me...

I like how everything's facing a different direction, how you can see some of the words but as a whole they're still obscured, and how there's a different color paint showing through from every layer.  Thanks brain!

OK, I confess that having the words "And now all these things live in me." coming through  inside of the house image was on purpose...  I had written it and realized that it might fit and come through if I angled the house right, and boom!  It did!  I think that's a neat little extra touch.

So anyway, I just wanted to share that idea in case you wanted to do write something personal, but don't want anybody to be able to read it afterward.  Or even if you don't and just want some color from underneath to come through to the surface.  It was a flash of genius for me, so I had to show you guys, because they happen so rarely, and I kind of wanted some proof that they actually do happen...

It also happens to be day 3 of ICAD, with the theme of "faux stitching", and I did two again.  What can I say, I'm on a roll...

Here's the 3x5:

On the edges, there are fake stitches, and then I did the real stitches too.  It only took me till when I started doing the border around the word "real" to realize that if I punched some guide holes into the card first, I could probably get it to look more neatly done.  And, as a bonus, the needle would stop slipping and I'd quit accidentally stabbing myself with it.  The blood loss from needle stabs was minimal, but my finger was starting to get really sore!  See how ICAD helps?  Now I know, for future reference, to punch guide holes first!  You learn something new every day...  The extra dumb part was that I had punched guide holes in the faux stitches part in an effort to make the stitches look more real.  So it probably shouldn't have taken me so long to put two and two together concerning the real stitches...  But I got there eventually, and that's the important thing.

Here's the 4x6:

The quote says "I myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."  Hooray for quotes that fit the technique!  I've really liked that quote since the first time I saw it, and have wanted to do some kind of real embroidery incorporating it, so now that's back in my mind.  I like the little faux stitched daisies at the bottom.  And the zigzag too...it reminds me of Charlie Brown.

So anyways, that's my creativity for the day.  I hope you can use the multi-layer packing tape transfer idea for something, or that it leads you to your own epiphany...and that you'll then share that epiphany with me, so's I can try out your idea!  We'll have an interchange of epiphanies!  And then we'll go get tacos...

The Process and the Man

I woke up this morning, sad because I had to go back to work today after the long weekend.  *insert my Lucille Ball/I Love Lucy type "WAAA!" here*  I popped over to my blogger dashboard thingie, and lo and behold, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I have 2000 page views (exactly 2000 too, which was a pretty neat coincidence)!  Woo Hoo!  That's totally awesome! I just had 1000 page views just a short while ago, and now we've hit 2000!  What?!?  I am so excited!  I still didn't want to go to work today (I wanted to stay home and do celebratory dances all day long), but either way, my sad face disappeared and perma-smile took over!  Thanks everybody!

Today, I thought I might show you how I come up with my faces that I draw...the condensed version anyway.  One day, I am going to remember to take a lot of pictures during the process and get you the long version.  I tend to get caught up in the excitement and forget to take pictures, but I am going to eventually strap the camera to my forehead and remember.  At any rate, today you get the short version...

The important thing to remember here is that I am not an expert by any means.  This is my current method, and you have to find what works for you.  I'm definitely still learning myself.  But, from where I started, I'm much improved and I thought that this info might help somebody...

The short version starts with me finding a good reference picture.  Most of the time, I use my trusty Pinterest account to do this.  You can check me out on Pinterest by clicking the button in the left side bar of the blog, or by searching "Sweet Red Clover" on Pinterest.  Don't do it now, or you'll get sucked into the vortex of amazingness that is Pinterest and forget to read the rest of this post...I know this because I do that at least once a day...so wait till you're done reading, then go look at it...and enjoy the pleasure spiral that is Pinterest...  

On Pinterest, I have a board called "Photograph", which is where I put the images I've seen that really stand out to me in one way or another.  I like to use pictures that really catch my eye.  I keep this board in mind whenever I'm online, because you never know when your pin might come in handy.  I've found the best pictures on random sites that have nothing to do with art or even that particular photo...sometimes they're just ads in the side bar!  But that doesn't matter, because these are images that I can get excited about.  

I scan through my "Photograph" board until I find one that fits whatever mood I am in that day.  Sometimes I can't find an image on my board that I want to use, so I go searching on Pinterest for interesting faces till I find one.  For me, the 'interesting' part is important.  If I REALLY like the reference photo, I've got a better shot at making the piece it inspires interesting (at least in my eyes).  And interesting doesn't always mean 'pretty' either.  But that's a whole different topic in and of itself, isn't it?

Here's the picture I used as my reference this time:

Hello, handsome!  I liked this guy's sweater and his cute little ears and strong jawline...his forehead is a bit weird looking to me, which is probably the real reason I liked this picture.  I like things that are a little 'off' to me...I don't want perfect, I want interesting.

After I find the right picture, I do a simple face sketch...this is the part where I really need to remember to take pictures next time.  This is where I take a pencil and lay out the face shape.  I start with (usually) an oval, adding a line down the center vertically and three lines across horizontally.  Many people do their guidelines as half, half, and half.  I do mine half, half, and a third.  This means that I draw a line half the distance from the top of the oval to the bottom of the oval (this is where the eyes will be), half the distance from that 'eye' line to the bottom of the oval (this is where the bottom of the nose will be), and a third of the distance from that 'nose' line to the bottom of the oval (which is where the mouth will be).  Depending on the particular face, the proportions are a little different for each drawing, but I've found that half, half and a third is what I like the best in most cases.

After I draw that out, I add simple shapes for the eyes, nose and mouth.  This is just to get them where they should be, not getting them in fine detail...that comes later...  Then I adjust the outer oval, because nobody's face is a perfect oval shape...or at least nobody I've come across so far  Among other things, the guy above has a more squared off jaw, and his face dips in where his eyebrows are.  I gave my guy a hat, because he looked cold and because I couldn't see his hair, and, to be honest, hair is hard for me...I get bored with hair fast...both my own (hello ponytail!) and hair to draw.  When I get the face shape to a place I'm happy with, then I adjust the shapes of the features...adding in the details of what they really look like.  There is A LARGE AMOUNT of drawing and erasing that goes on in this stage.  So much erasing...  I've found a really good tip concerning erasing somewhere along the way, which is if you're not happy with a particular line, draw the new line, then erase the old one...I had always done this in reverse before, but leaving the old line in is a visual reminder of what I didn't like about it and helps me to not repeat the same mistake twenty times.    

Once I'm relatively happy with what I've got, I either go over it in waterproof pen or (as has been the case lately) I spray some kind of fixative on it so the pencil won't smudge.  I use hairspray because it works and I am too poor to buy fixative.  Hairspray will eventually yellow, so if that's a problem for you go buy some fancy fixative...and buy an extra can for me... 

I wish I could find the link for a video I watched on YouTube where this FABULOUS lady was doing a tutorial on how she draws faces.  If/When I find it, I'll post the link.  Anyway, she was talking about drawing and said something to the effect of: "I don't like to draw things exactly how I see them.  If you want an exact copy, why not just take a picture?  I like to put my own spin on things, put myself into the drawing."  Not her exact words, but the point is there.  I like this because a) it makes a lot of sense and b) it makes up for the fact that I am not ABLE to draw an exact copy...yet.  So, if you get frustrated that your drawing doesn't look exactly like your photo, just tell yourself that you are "putting your spin on things" and keep practicing. 

So here's what my pencil drawing looked like when I was done:

Not an exact copy by far...but my spin on the photo has been spun...

Next up is color.  I do a lot of 'fixing' with color...probably more than I should.  I think that I need to spend more time in the pencil drawing part if I want to improve further, but I digress...

I am a big fan of watercolor, because you can still see your drawing that you spent so much time on.  Acrylic and oil, which are also great, are harder in my eyes, because you are getting rid of your pencil marks...and you have no guidelines once those are gone. Watercolor is much easier to me.  And you can build color, starting out really light and slowly working to dark, which has helped me in learning more about (and  putting into practice) highlights and shading.

The most important thing I've learned concerning color is to use a light hand.  You can always add more, it's not so easy to take it away.  The second most important thing (especially with watercolors it seems) is to start with lighter colors then go to darker colors and it's for the same reason...you can build up with your light colors and that might be enough to get you where you want to be, whereas if you threw that dark color in, it's hard to take it back...

So, after much explanation in getting to this point, here is my man:

The journaling got cut off a little, but it reads: "I had so much more to say to you.  What do I do now?"

So, clearly, I don't know everything.  *insert your shocked gasp here*  But I thought you might like to hear how I do my faces.  I've learned a lot by watching other people, and by being willing to practice over and over and over and over (and over and over...), and I'm always searching for ways to do better.  

It is a complete understatement to say that I love making these faces.  Perhaps it's because I'm looking for a personal connection, and so drawing something with eyes and ears and a mouth is my way of finding that.  I can 'say' things to these drawings that I can't say to live people.  I can make them tell me what I need to hear...which kind of makes me sound like a crazy person, I know.  What I mean is that when I'm done with a drawing, I get this mental clarity...I figure out what I've been thinking about deep in my mind that I might not have gotten to understand otherwise.  I don't usually start out with anything particular in my head, other than wanting to draw.  Even if I do begin with something in mind, where I end up could be a totally different place.

For instance, the man I shared today.  In the beginning, I just wanted to see if I could draw a man...this guy is my first attempt at a man since I really started trying to draw in earnest.  But the more I drew, the more he became something else.  See that reddish hair?  I grabbed up the red before I even knew what I was doing.  And once that got on the page, two distinct things came into my head.  There are things that have gotten taken away from me, and I wasn't ready to lose them; I wasn't done with them.  And I've been looking for ways to get them back, even though it's impossible.  And I can't seem to shake them, despite the fact that I know it's over and nothing can change.  So what do I do now?  I guess that's my big cosmic question to the universe...what do I do now?  And maybe someday, I'll be drawing another face, and the answer will come out on the page.  Until that happens, I guess I'll just keep drawing face and listening to what they have to say.

Countdown, Day 7: And now, what NOT to do...

Last day!  I am so proud I made it this far!  I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but here we are!  Woo Hoo!!!

With yesterday's page being about what I wanted to be like, I thought it would be good to think about what I don't want to be like.  I came up with a lot of good attributes yesterday.  I only came up with 10 things to avoid, but boy, do they encompass a lot! 

So here you go, my list of things to AVOID AT ALL COSTS:

Black white and red only...I like that it's so different from yesterday's light and airy page...this one looks HEAVY.

1. Insecurity- You ARE enough.  Who doesn't struggle with this from time to time?  I am tired of it.  I am enough, and if there's something I don't like about myself, I can change it.  No need to obsess about it any more.

2. Being petty- There will be bigger fish to fry.  In other words, don't sweat the small stuff and don't make the small stuff bigger than it is.  Be honest, is it really that important?  Sometimes we need to 'take a step back and admit we're being ridiculous'. (I saw that quote on pinterest.)

3. Debt- It will stress you out.  Save your money; pay with cash.  Patience is tied into this too.  We live in a 'need it now' world.  It's easy to fall into the trap.  But there will never be ANY material possession that is worth the headache and anxiety caused by giving up financial freedom.  I wish I didn't have to learn this the hard way.  If I ever get out of debt, I will never let myself get sucked back in!

4. Worry- If you can fix it, fix it.  If not, what's the point in worrying?  I used to be so good at being carefree.   Now I worry about scenarios that haven't happened and probably never will happen.  There's a saying: worrying is like a rocking chair, it keeps you busy but you don't get anywhere.  I don't know what changed in me that made me be a worry wart, but I am going to work on changing it back.  

5. Blame- Did they hold a gun to your head?  If not, you had a part.  I am the one who makes the decisions, I am the one who will live with the consequences.  I can say yes and I can say no and blame is pointless.  It doesn't matter who's fault something is, the result is still the same.  It's much wiser to spend time fixing the problem than pointing the finger.

6. Transference- This person is NOT that person.  Don't act as if they were.  (You can read more about transference HERE and HERE)  Just because people act similarly, it doesn't make them the same person.  When a good friend of mine passed away, I found myself actively looking for someone who was like him, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that;  I loved my friend very much and valued his qualities.  I DO want to find those positive traits in others.  The problem happened when I started looking, not for someone like him, but for HIM.  People are individuals, no two are the same.  It's not fair to yourself or the other person to project your emotions onto that person, in effect, making them something they are not and can not be.  If you love someone, love THAT person.  If you angry at someone, be angry at THAT person.    Don't push those feelings (good or bad) onto an undeserving third party.

7. Regret- You can't change it, you can only learn from it and move on.  Being regretful isn't all bad, don't get me wrong.  Having regrets means that we made a mistake and that we recognize it; we have a conscience. But it's very easy to become mired in regret.  Bad things happen.  Some we cause, others not.  We don't get to live life in reverse.  No matter how bad we wish it were otherwise, all a person can do is avoid repeating the mistake.  If we keep living in the past, what's happening now will pass by without us even knowing it.  We only get one go round, let's not waste it by only looking backwards.

8. Can't- Can't never did nothing.  Try.  Try harder.  Keep trying.  When I was a little girl, my mother used to say that to me all the time: "Can't never did nothing."  Oh my goodness, how annoying (and grammatically incorrect) it was.  But I'm older and a little wiser now, and not too proud to say that my mom was right (although it's still bad grammar) .  You can do practically anything you can think of.  You might not be able to do it well, but you can still try.  And if you aren't happy, you try harder and keep trying until you are happy.  I feel like my creative endeavors are a good example of this.  There was a time when I thought I couldn't make art.  But I put my pencil to the paper and found that I could make a mark.  It wasn't good or pretty, but it was a mark on a page and it was a start.  I kept trying and, lo and behold, I am making art. It might not be the most beautiful art in the world, but I'm getting better and better.  Can't stops us in our tracks.  There isn't a limit to what we can do if we try and keep trying.

9.  Hate- Look for their motives.  Pity the stupidity.  Remember: Free Will.  Life is short and I don't want to waste time.  People are going to do stupid things, but hating them is a waste of time.  Hatred clamps down on your brain so hard that you can't seem to shake it.  It really is a shame that some people have to act the way they do.  Hating them for the it, though, is not productive.  I've decided to start looking for the motives a person has for doing things or acting a certain way.  Sometimes there is a relatively valid reason, other times it is pure stupidity in my eyes.  But (and that's a big BUT) everybody has free will, each person has the intrinsic right to do as they see fit.  Walt Whitman said "dismiss what insults your own soul".  I find that if I can pity someone, if I can feel sorry for them over what they do or how they act, then I can do just that: let go of it and move on to better things.

10. Being trendy- Why be them when you can be you?  ...did anyone really ever look good in parachute pants?  Perhaps a better way to put this is "Why be a copy when you can be an original?"  The world would be a boring place if everybody was the same.  Our flaws are what make us human.  Our quirks are what make us interesting.  I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this subject lately.  I've been analyzing myself, not with the intention to fit in NOR with the intention to stand out, but with the intention to be someone I can be proud of.  There are many people I admire, who have certain qualities I would like to possess, but I do not want to be those people; what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another person.  I want to use the good things as 'ingredients'.  I want to take those admirable qualities and my own harmless oddness and mesh them together and make something separate from, and hopefully better than, the pieces I started out with.  I don't want to be anybody else; what I DO want is to be the best version of me.

And a splash of color...

Well, a little more than a splash, I think...  

Despite the fact that one of the prompts I did the self portrait for (from the last post) was black and white, I couldn't leave it alone...I REALLY wanted to color the self portrait in...  I had to...HAD TO!!!  

And so I did.  I know, I know...what can I say?  I'm a rebel.  So here it is in all its technicolor glory:

Did I mention in the last post how very apt I feel that quote is...especially in regards to this self portrait...

Coloring this in proved very interesting for me.  In some aspects, it turned out well.  I like the way the lips turned out (although I wish I hadn't outlined them in the Pitt pen...or would have used brown instead of black).  I like the coloring of the skin in certain places, especially the forehead  and the cheek (the one on the right in the above photo).  The shadow from the jacket (on the right side of the neck in the photo) is good.  In general, the shading is not perfect, but I can see that I'm improving, which is nice!

In other ways, the coloring highlights the flaws in the drawing part of it.  I made the head too round and too small. The forehead is too short (I noted this on the last post...it's still true...).  The eyes are at too much of an angle, giving an alien appearance *insert spooky X-Files music here*  My nose and mouth are a little closer to my eyes in real life and my nose is wider as well.  My lips are also a little fuller.  The hair is not quite right, although it's hard for me to tell if this is  due to the roundness of the head/shortness of the forehead or if the hair not being right is what contributes to those problems.

In the end, I'm actually very happy that I colored this in.  It's given me some things to think about and work on next time.

I sometimes get frustrated when I hear people say (or read it, whichever the case may be) that it's important not to be critical of your work.  I think what people mean to say is don't be overly critical, but that's not always the way it's said.  

When you learn to read, you start off with the alphabet, one letter at a time.  Eventually, you learn to put those letters together and you can read small three letter words: cat, dog, mom, dad.  Further down the line, it gets harder, but you learn more.  The words you can read get longer and your sentences more complex...and (if you like reading) you never quit learning new words and new ideas thanks to your ability to read.  But what if you stopped along the way?  What if you decided those three letter words were all you needed?  You'd never know g-o-o-d or f-r-i-e-n-d or c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e!!!  And those are very nice words to know!  

I think that art is the same way.  You learn to draw a line and a circle.  Then you put them together and have a stick person.  Then you learn about other shapes.  And then, although not necessarily in this order,  you learn about colors...then shading...then better shading...then perspective...and the list keeps going.  If you like art, you keep learning and part of learning is figuring out what you are doing wrong so you can learn to do it right.

I'm pretty lucky in that I have a wonderful sister that I love and that I respect as an artistic person.  My sister is a talented artist and she's also...what would you call it ...a passionate learner, perhaps?  She has this awesome tenacity in regards to finding out how things are done and why they are done that way. She's very good at researching things and I'm lucky enough to get to share in the spoils of her efforts.  

The following paragraph is an example of my sister's amazing insights (it's a direct quote...I copied and pasted it right out of the email she sent): 

Yes, all of  your apple issues were lighting/shading issues.  And no, it would not fix it if your apple was lit from behind because there would not be perimeter shading in the way you did it...so :-p    Whether it's a ball, apple, face or anything, the same principles apply when it comes to lighting/shading.  If a person draws using proper skill in lighting/shading; a second trained eye (person) will be able to tell you where the light source is coming from.  If the lighting/shading is wrong, an untrained eye can often feel that something isn't right, even if they don't know what.  You cannot skip the basics.  Lighting/shading not only gives dimension, it also contributes to the mood of the art piece.  That's part of why I so like the quote, "One eye sees, the other feels."  Whether a drawing, photo...whatever...what we see evokes some type of emotional response.  As the artist in control of your work, you decide what you want to convey and then need to understand how to make that happen.  Again, it is a process that comes with time and should never be a roadblock to your creativity.  Once you know and master the "rules", then you can learn when & how to break or manipulate them and do something wonky like this:"

Yes, she really talks like that...I know, it's hilarious, right?  She could seriously write a book on being creative, and it would be a book I'd actually want to read cover to cover.

Despite her scholarly way of speaking (or maybe because of it, who knows?), I really appreciate this kind of email from my sister.  Actually, the thing that I appreciate most about her in regards to creative things is her ability to give good criticism.  I've always emailed her pictures of my various creative endeavors, and she's always critiqued what I've done.  In all honesty, if someone else told me some of the things she's told me about my art, I would have been either really discouraged or seriously annoyed.  The reason I don't get annoyed or discouraged is because I know she tells me these things because she believes I can improve.  I've come to the realization that I'd be more discouraged or upset if she stopped critiquing me...because then I'd know she felt I'd reached the limit of my abilities and that I'd never get any better.

Because of the much appreciated constructive criticism of my sister, I can now look at my work much more objectively.  I can see what I've done well and what still needs improvement.  This is probably the best gift she's ever given me...(although she shouldn't quit trying...I hear that I'm a big fan of money in large amounts, so if she ever wants to try that I'm open to the idea...)  It's a really good thing to have someone be honest with you about your work while still being kind in their criticism.  It's an even better thing if you can be that person for yourself.  

There are so many different styles of art, and so many different views on what is good.  We all like different things and that's what makes the world interesting.  It's also what makes learning to give yourself an objective critique worthwhile.  

I hate sauerkraut.  Loathe it with a passion beyond words, as a matter of fact...  So if you asked me to tell you what to do to improve your sauerkraut, I'm not going to be able to tell you anything useful, because to me it will still be disgusting sauerkraut.  I'd actually not be able to tell you much of anything at all, because I'd be in the corner dry heaving at the thought of sauerkraut.  In order to improve your sauerkraut then, you're going to have to find some recipes and through trial and error figure out what works for you so that you can finally have some sauerkraut you're satisfied with.  And trust me, I will STILL think your sauerkraut is disgusting.

Artistic critique is similar.  Perhaps you don't have someone in your life that you get useful input from concerning your art.  The internet is a wonderful place for learning how to do things...usually at the low, low price of free.  You may find some nice people (but be aware that there are also big jerks out there) who will give their opinion on how to improve.  Even if you can't find someone with a helpful opinion, you will be able to find a ton of tutorials on how to do just about any type of artistic thing your little heart could desire.  

Watch enough videos, look at enough examples, read enough articles and eventually you'll be able to give yourself an honest critique of your own work.  You're the only one who knows what the idea in your head looks like. You're the one who has to practice getting what's in your head onto the paper.  And once it's on that paper, you're the one who decides whether it's good or not.  If it's exactly how you want it to be, that's awesome!  If it's not, look for what worked and what didn't.  Congratulate yourself (get excited!) for the good parts and figure out why you don't like the bad parts.  Then try again.  Repeat those steps enough and you're eventually going to have a whole piece that you're really proud of!

While you're busy practicing, remember to have fun and be kind to yourself.  Too much criticism is a bad thing and will discourage you.  Look for the good first, then find areas for improvement.  Be critical of your work, so that you can keep getting better, but not overly critical to the point where you become discouraged and want to give up.  

I'm going to get off my soap box now and work on improving my self portrait...after I take the time to appreciate the good parts again...