Fight

For JOURNAL 52 this week, the prompt was "Wise Words" and here's what I came up with:

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher

Oh, so true Ms. Thatcher...in so many different areas of life...

It sometimes seems like all the battles I fight are constantly repeating in a never ending cycle.

I wonder if other people feel that way too, or is it something I do to myself?  

I guess the point is to keep fighting, right?  And one day, I'll be out of the trenches.

I'm looking forward to that.

Gratuitous closeup.  Relative happiness with the shading of the eyes...not so much with the highlights of them...

I went a little different for this face, as facial perfection is one of my constant battles.  I went back and watched some of the videos for Jane Davenport's "Express Yourself" workshop, especially the lesson about eyes.  I think this girl's eyes are very much "Jane" eyes...or at least the closest I could get her to have.  I was thinking about going back in and fixing the shading around those "Jane" eyes, until I realized that it kind of looked like the girl has two black eyes from all the battles she's constantly fighting...then I decided I like those shiners she's got and decided to let them alone.  She's earned her battle scars!

Journal 52, Week 3-You Make Me Smile

I'm a little behind on posting my week 3 page for Journal 52 (or J52, which you can read more about HERE), but I actually got it done on time.  I just had a not very good weekend and didn't take the time to post.  But there will be more about that in this week's Documented Life pages, and for right now, I need something happy to get me off to work today.

For week 3 of J52, the prompt was "You make me smile." and it's about the 'quirky, silly, happy things that make you smile'.  Mine has a double meaning, which I'm always a fan of:

"Every time I find your face it always makes me smile!"
Prismacolors, Aquamarkers, Promarkers, Dylusions,  Bic 537R pen (aka the best writing pen ever...I used it for the writing and those crazy eyelashes)

As soon as I read the prompt, I knew I was going to be drawing a girl with a smiling face.  It's one of the how-to videos included in Jane Davenport's (JD for short) Supplies Me class that I'm taking, so I knew I wanted the practice.  I just had to figure out why the girl was going to be smiling...what makes me smile?

Not to make you think that JD is my new art idol or anything (although her work is beautiful and I am loving her classes...), but I do find that she has interesting side thoughts that pop out of her from time to time.  I imagine watching one of JD's videos is a bit like listening to me talk (except for I don't have an awesome Australian accent), because she rambles on and on, goes off on tangents, and is so silly.  But if you listen closely, some of her silliness makes a lot of sense!

One of the things that JD says is that we have little people living in our art supplies and when we use those supplies, we are setting those little people free!  I like that she says "let's see who's living in here today", because there's not always the same person in our supplies...it's different people every time!  And that was the inspiration for the page I'm sharing today...it makes me smile to find the faces of my little people.  

Now, just so you know, I do differ from JD a little bit, because I know that my little people live in my hand and not my art supplies.  My little people might tell me they want to be drawn in a certain art supply, but they definitely live in my hand.  There's a whole sprawling city of them living in there!  And I know they are living in my hand, because if you used my art supplies, you'd draw the people living in your hand!  And they are probably very different from the ones that live in mine!  I think if the people lived in the art supplies themselves, then your little people would look much more like my little people, and what fun would that be?  So, in my opinion, my little art people live in Hand City and take the art supply bus to Watercolor Paper Town (or sometimes to other substrate themed locations...but Watercolor Paper Town is a pretty popular destination at my house)!

The other meaning for my page is about finding a familiar face in a crowd.  I have a hard time with large groups of people, especially when I'm alone...it makes me nervous.  I'm a lot better than I used to be...when I was a kid, I could hardly stand in line at a store without practically having a panic attack.  So I've gotten better, but even now, it's not one of my favorite things.  But if I'm with someone I know, it makes the whole thing much easier.  So I was thinking about going somewhere by myself, bumping into a familiar face, and the amount of relief it provides me.  

I could also imagine waiting for someone in a crowded place (like an airport...although I've personally never been to an airport...) and searching through all the unfamiliar faces til, at last, you find the person you've been looking for.  I blame romance movies for this one...you know, where they have to find their true love before the flight leaves...I bet you can think of a specific movie right now that has this scene in it.  Hollywood has even invaded the brain of a non-TV watcher like me!

So finding faces is something that makes me smile...what about you?  What is it that makes you so glad you can't help but have a physical reaction?  

Fun with Sweets and Jane

I worked the dreaded Saturday this week.  Overtime is always a mixed bag for me, because I'm never sure which I would rather have, more money or more time.  Usually time wins, but this week the choice was made for me and I ended up working...I got off easy though, because I didn't have to work today like a lot of the other people I work with.  I missed out on getting paid double time, but, as I always say, money does me no good when I am in the mental institution from having a nervous breakdown.  I need to be away from work and work people so that I can be pleasant and sane during normal working hours.  If I don't have that break, I very quickly descend into madness and could very easily end up stabbing a co-worker in the neck with a pencil or throwing a stapler at someone's face...and that's just not very nice at all, now is it?

 

I have been doing my Morning Pages still!  Every single day, although I confess not always in the morning...but every single day of 2014 so far!  That's right, five whole days!  (ha ha) It might not seem like much, but I have stuck with it to this point and hooray for that!  Lisa Sonora Beam's Root challenge (which you can read about HERE and see if you'd like to participate...it's free to do) has been giving me some prompts that are helping me along.  Despite the fact that I've looked at some of them first thing in the morning and thought they were too woo-woo hippy dippy for me, I find that I keep coming back to them and having something to write about concerning them when I do my pages.  I've said it before and I'll say it again:  I'm becoming very good at hippy dippy as it applies to me! :) 

 

I think I might have mentioned that I am taking Jane Davenport's  (JD for short) Supplies Me workshop...if not...  Guess what?!? 

 

 

You can find all of JD's workshops HERE

 

I am having so much fun.  Faces are my favorite thing to draw.  Not too much time goes by without one creeping into my work...probably not even a single day...  From the very beginning of my artistic endeavors, I've just loved them.  And JD has such great faces and ways of teaching that it isn't hard to spend all of my free time practicing.  ...even things that I've resisted (I'm looking at you ball-on-a-board shading practice...which is coming up in one of the lessons as homework...ugh...), I find myself willing to do for JD's classes.

 

I'm on Week 2 of the Supplies Me class (although I have been scandalously watching videos ahead...I'm such a rebel!), and it deals with colored pencils.

 

After I watched JD's Whimsical Faces video from Cloth Paper Scissors, I have given myself over to drawing with colored pencils instead of graphite ones...it has been one of the best things I've done to improve my drawings, I swear it!  I've just been using my Crayola set, and they work just fine for the beginnings of  drawings...BUT...today I was practicing blending with my Prismacolors and let me just say...I need to get more colors of the Prismacolors...possibly all the Prismacolors in the world.  I got the basic set a long time ago (I think 10 or 12 colors) and a few flesh tones along the way, but haven't really used them much because I wasn't a fan of shading with colored pencil...until now!  These things are like magic wands of awesomeness encased in wood.  I don't have the piece I was working on today ready to show you just yet (probably tomorrow or the next day), but I do have my other homework type drawings, which are face practice (and done in Prismacolors):

 

 

The Oval Face

The Circle Face (Left braid, you turned out so well...I don't know what happened with you, poor right braid...)

The Squared Face

I am eventually going to put my shading skills that I am learning to good use and color these girls in, but for now they are just basic outlines in waiting.

 

I did do another face, using the Crayola colored pencils and, to a lesser extent, Inktense pencils, Distress Markers, and Sharpie Paint Pens:

 

 

I used a Painters (that's the brand) paint marker to try to 'white' out the face's guidelines, and it worked really well but in the photo it sticks out like a sore thumb.  In person, you can't see those lines at all (or hardly at all)...and from across the room, this girl just GLOWS...I tell you it's almost eerie! 

Possibly my favorite bit of face practice is this page:

 

Squeal of Delight!  Squeal of Delight!

 I loved doing this!  I stole the idea right from JD (not really stole, she suggested it as practice), and I had FUN with a capital F-U-N finding out what kind of girl was living in each circle of paint!  The only thing I did differently than JD was I used a black pen ( a Micron on some and a regular old ball point pen on others) to make the facial features instead of using colored pencils.  The reason I did this is that I used Martha Stewart Pearl paints on some of the circles and that paint is glossy and colored pencil won't stick to it.  That happened to be the first spot of paint I tried to draw on...so then I forgot to switch over to colored pencil and all my girls ended up being done in black pen.  It was a HAPPY accident though, because I LOVE how the page looks!  Part of me wants to take a dot stencil and fill in some of the white space with tiny non-face dots of paint...and part of me wants to leave it as white space...what do you think would be better?

 

My two favorite faces ended up being right next to each other.  The one at the top left in the periwinkle-ish color (incidentally the first girl I did...can you tell it's glossy paint?) who's got the turned face and the bun is my favorite, and the girl below her in the light blue is a very, very close second.  They're such different styles of face, but I LOVE them both... HUZZAH!

  I've got another page of paint circles opposite this page, but I had to stop drawing these little faces as my hand was cramping...now I'm not sure if I want to draw more faces on those blank circles or if I want to turn them into journaling space...hmm...decisions, decisions...

 

Oh, I did manage to make one face in colored pencil, the girl at the bottom left in this picture...she's all pencil and I love her fantastic lips.
 

I'm in the process of finishing up this week's challenge for the Documented Life project, and that's what I'm using my Prismacolor shading page on...ooh, I'm so exited for you to see it!  So, if I want to get done and ready to show you tomorrow, I better go finish it up right now! 

 

 

By the way, what have you been working on over the weekend?  Are you keeping up with your new year challenges? 



Life is for Learning or Art From Start to Finish

Wow, I may have fallen off the KIOS wagon, but three days in a row with art to share...way to go Sweets!  *pats self on back for an obscene amount of time*  

So...as a present to myself, I am taking Jane Davenport's (known as JD from this point on) Supplies Me class.  I had gotten her Whimsical Faces Video from Cloth Paper Scissors (when on super sale...egads, I love a good sale) and it was such a good video, probably the favorite one I've bought from them (so far...hehehe), and I knew I really wanted to take another of JD's classes at some point.  I just didn't think it would happen anytime soon.  But then, surprise Xmas bonus at work (HUZZAH!)=me getting to take one of her classes!

This is my Week 1 (Texture) homework for the class, from start to finish:

Light gesso layer, followed by washi tape, tissue paper, fancy napkins...

Followed by more washi, tissue paper, fancy napkins, and sheet music...and a coat of gesso where I smooshed the pages together while the gesso was still wet (for added texture)...

Followed by Dylusions sprayed through two different Heidi Swapp stencils.  Can I just tell you how much I didn't want to add anything else to the page at this point?  It was so vibrant and glorious...the picture just doesn't do it justice...GORGEOUSNESS!  ...but I was good and added more, starting with a layer of clear gesso...

The gesso faded out the Dylusions background a little bit...making it, as Donna Downey would say, touch worthy (hehehe)...  So here's where I started sketching in the face (with colored pencil...Trust me when I say to start sketching with colored pencils if you don't already.  I swear that was one of the best tips I picked up from the Whimsical Faces video...as a former compulsive eraser, I can testify that I LOVE not being able to erase now!).  Then a light coat of craft acrylic in a flesh-ish tone for the face and a light gesso wash in the hair area.

Blurry picture, why you so blurry?!?  As you can see (hopefully, despite the blur...), I started adding in more color and shading with Inktense pencils and Neocolor II's.  On a side note, I want the entire sets of both of those things now...especially the Neocolor II's.  Then more shading with some Distress Markers (which I got on clearance at Michaels...yay for clearance) and a little bit of Winter White acrylic paint for the eyeball whiteness...

Close-up of texture-y goodness!   This picture makes me so happy I could squeal!  Why can't all my phone pictures turn out so awesomely?  (I'm looking at you, blurry picture above!!!)

And because it worked so well the first time, another EXTREME close-up!

Finished face...used a Micron, a few gel pens, a Sharpie paint pen, Distress Markers, and Bombay India ink for the finishing touches... 

"Life is for learning."  (Quote from Joni Mitchell song which you can listen to below)  Finished spread!  I used Distress Marker, Bombay India Ink, Recollections Signature markers (which I've had FOREVER) and Sharpie paint pen for the lettering...and then splattered some of the India Ink on the page for a finishing touch...  On a side note, most of my desk is now splattered with India Ink...including my computer screen.  I am writing to you around dots of color...  I'm hoping it will come off (at least from the computer screen!), but if not, it's ok, my stuff is just extra decorated now...

And here's a photo collage of all the pictures above, just because I made it for the class, and because I feel extra technologically advanced for making it! *more shameless back patting of self*

 I LOVE this spread!  Aside from the hair (which I will be practicing thanks to an AWESOME video my friend Boo sent me the link for) and the lettering (which I will be forcing myself to practice...for real this time...), the thing is just swoon worthy!  Even the hair and lettering being less than perfect doesn't really bother me horrendously...I'm still self-swooning!

As promised, here is the song that I got the "Life is for learning." quote from (Woodstock by Joni Mitchell):

Aah, Joni, my love for you is boundless...I swoon for you...and this journal spread...and you...le sigh...

Now I'm off to start Week 2 of the Supplies Me class...colored pencils! Enjoy your creative life, wherever you are on this fine day...

Jane Girls

October was a bit of a bust for me, I must admit...  My creativity flew out the window to some warmer climate...my procrastinating parts over-took me...there were several downright frowny face days...days I just felt BLAH for no reason...or for no reason I want to fess up to...  Gross.

But now October is over, and I don't particularly want to spend November on the same path.  I therefore turn my back on this year's October and all it's crappy ways, and I won't dwell on it anymore.  So long stupid jerk-tober!

There are a few exceptions to the majority crapfest that was October for me.  I did get a little bit of art done, despite my muse's vacation.  I already shared some of it...not my usual style, that collage...so I guess somebody else's muse must have been visiting me that day.  But I do like it.

I am also almost done with my reciprocation care package for my friend Anna.  I won't share it until I am sure she's gotten it, but it won't be long now...just icing the cake at this point...

And one of the really good things that happened in October was that Cloth Paper Scissors had a sale on a lot of their online classes...and I got two.  I got one of Joanne Sharpe's Artful Lettering, which I need to look at more in depth so I can apply it...however, I really liked one of the ideas on the video and used it in the spread below.  And, the other one I got is Jane Davenport's The Whimsical Face, which made me super happy.  I really like Jane's style of faces, and this video is such a nice intro to faces in her style.  Whether you're not comfortable drawing faces yet, or you just want to try a different style of face (like me), this video is AWESOME!  Full disclosure, I got the videos for $5 each (because of the super sale), and I feel like this video would have been worth it even at full price.  Although, at full price, which is $30, I wouldn't have gotten it, because I am on spending lock-down, so I would never have known how awesome it is...but it's definitely nice to have in the arsenal of craftiness now that I do!  

This is my 3/4 face that I did along with the video:

...I think this girl is wearing a scrunchie...don't judge her too harshly...

I really appreciated Jane's instruction on how to achieve a decent looking 3/4 face...she made it really easy to understand and accomplish!  I find this gal's ear to be a bit weird (it just looks unfinished to me...also, like an elf ear...), and I'm not a fan of her hair or shirt...but the face is pretty happy-making!

One of the things I really found useful in the video (possibly my favorite tip) was that she encourages you do draw with colored pencils instead of graphite ones...among other reasons, because you can't erase colored pencil, so you don't get too fussy with your drawing...it stays loose.  I like that, because I am an over-eraser if nothing else...so this way makes me a little less of a freak...plus, you can see the sketch lines in places.  I love seeing that in other people's work, so anything that helps me get them in mine is aces in my book!

This is a two page spread I did using the front facing portion (which encompasses the majority) of the video, and I also used one of Joanne Sharpe's techniques from her video for the lettering:

"And it bothers me that I care."

Close up of the left page:

There is a lot of stuff going on in the background, which I don't know that the camera picks up very well...specifically, that the background is sparkly...  Also, I was using my industrial strength heat gun to dry the paint...and it started to bubble...which I found to be super cool, so I purposefully heat-bubbled the entire background...I probably have paint fume poisoning now, but the resulting bubbles light up my life...

And here's the right page close up:

I am happy with this gals hair!  If you've read the blog for a while now, you know that hair almost always eludes me...but I really like what's going on with this gal's luscious locks!  And I love the color of her eyes...is it egotistical to swoon over something you've done?  I'm swooning for the color, and technically, I didn't make the color, I just picked it...so can we say no...I don't want to come off all snooty! 

On a side note, now that I've taken this class of Jane's, I am really wanting to take another one of her classes, Express Yourself, which is about drawing emotions...I REALLY want to take this class!  I am saving my pennies as we speak...hehehe.

In regards to the above spread, "And it bothers me that I care", the mushy brain stuff overflows.  It's probably due in part to crap-tober, but then again, maybe crap-tober was due to the mushy brain stuff coming up...the circle of pessimism.  You get two points if you just tried to sing "circle of pessimism" to that song from the Lion King...

I saw something the other day that kind of hit a raw nerve with me.  "In love, there is always one who kisses and one who offers the cheek."  It's supposed to be a French proverb.  I don't know if this is what it's supposed to mean, but when I read it, I immediately thought it meant 'there's always one person who loves more'.  And I think that 99.9% of the time, that's a true statement...at least it seems that way in my life.  And it's a frustrating truth.

On one hand, the downside.  You give and give and rarely get anything in return. Not that you give with the idea of receiving, but if love were equal, both people would have the other person's interests at heart.  But it's not equal.  So if your thinking only of the other person...and they're thinking of themselves too...you don't ever get your needs met.  And everyone deserves to receive the things they need.  It's hard enough to put yourself out there...and then to not have any kind of reaction to your effort, it hurts.  I'm tired of that kind of pain.  It makes me feel like nothing.  And I am not nothing.  I am a pretty decent person, as a matter of fact!

I said to someone once that all I wanted was to be appreciated.  And that hasn't changed.  I try hard to be a good person, to help people if I can, to be kind.  I try extremely hard to be the kind of person who is there for other people when they need me.  I don't think there are a great many people out in the world who honestly care about others, but I fight to be someone who does.  Because people deserve to have someone to care about them...all people do.  I just stop and question whether I have someone who does that for me in my daily life.  And even if I don't, I doubt that's the thing that bothers me.  That part I can deal with.  I just wonder if anyone notices that I truly care.  Does it matter?  Does anyone see it?  Has anyone ever said to themselves 'she doesn't have to be that way, but she is'?  I don't want glory or praise or whatever...I just want...acknowledgement, I guess...to know that I matter to somebody...to know that I make the hard parts a little bit easier for someone.  I feel lucky enough to have people in the online art community who make me feel...seen...who make me feel missed when I'm not around.  That's a really nice feeling.  I just kind of wish I had more of that in my daily life sometimes.

The other side of that whole loving more thing, is how can it be bad?  Why should I feel sad that I'm willing to extend myself for others, even if they don't notice?  It's not hurting anything, is it?  Would I be able to look at myself in the mirror if I stopped putting myself out there?  (No, I wouldn't...I've tried...it was an epic fail.)  The world can be a hard place, so if I can soften the edges by sending out good things, why should I question the worth of that goodness?  It's as much as I can do, and that's all that you can ask of yourself.  It's enough to do the good we can do as individuals.  It's enough.

So, point of the spread, is that it bothers me that I care whether anyone notices my effort.  I feel like a whiny, self-involved jerk about the whole thing.  But it's how I feel.  I can't...or I won't anymore...just dismiss that feeling.  I am learning that it's important to accept how I feel, the good and the mushy.  I need to understand why I feel the way I do, instead of trying to repress/cover over/lie to myself/etc.  I've learned that if I just cover things over, they just rise to the surface again...usually in a more ugly and hateful way than the first time around.

If I can understand why I feel like I do, then I can move forward. I can say "Self, I see why you feel that way...but have you thought about it like this?"  ...I guess I can reason with myself.  Sometimes I can work out an answer.  Sometimes, I can't.  But just the fact that I see and accept my feelings has been helping me to feel better about what goes on in my head...it's personal acknowledgement, I suppose.  I see myself.  Even if no one else does, I can finally see myself.  And that's a powerful thing.  And it's not a skill I've always possessed, so now that I am learning to do it, I feel so good about it!  I still have pity parties...we will call them most of last month...but being able to find my way out of it, that's priceless to me.

I know that I must not be the only person out there who feels this way...the world is a huge place and there's only so many feelings to go around.  So, I hope if you are feeling unnoticed, under-appreciated, or unloved, you will be able to see that, even if they never say it, there are people who notice you, there are people who appreciate what you do, and that there are people who love you.  But it's my sincere wish that, when you really need it, someone will whisper those good things in your ear and that you will believe them when they do.