Orange and black and white

Today I've got my spread for week 9 of JOURNAL 52, where the prompt was "Artistic Restraint" (using only one color, plus black and white, and one shape).  I love what I ended up with!  Here's what I made:

Oh yeah...  *sigh of super happiness*

I know that I had said 2015 would be the year of the non-face pages for me, but I did say I might throw one or two in throughout the year if it was the prompt or felt right to do so...

I chose orange as my one color, only because it's the one color I don't use very often at all...and chose circles as my one shape.  As I was adding those shades and tints of orange, I realized I had no idea where I was going with this piece...I thought I had arted myself into a corner.

But once I finished the page and sat back and looked at it, I was immediately reminded of a dear childhood friend of mine, Arlene, who's favorite color was orange.  Once I thought of that, I couldn't shake it...and so I went to work sketching out a face on my page.  Still using only orange and tinting/shading it with white/black, I worked on skin tone and making her look more dimensional.

For my friend Arlene, wherever life may have taken her...

My lady doesn't really look like my friend did, but she does call her to mind.  Instead of an afro like the lady above, Arlene's hair had these amazing spiral curls that stuck out with a grand amount of volume from her beautiful face...they were so energetic and spunky...I loved them and was always so jealous of them...I can't tell you how bad I wanted my own hair to have those exact curls.  Ninety percent of the time, Arlene...did not love them...she wanted boring, straight hair like mine...which was pure crazy in my opinion...  That's how it always seems to go, you want the opposite of what you have...that's everybody I guess...we weren't special in that.

I haven't seen Arlene in a million years...not since before I got married...11 or 12 years, maybe...I lost track of her over time...growing up takes its toll and we forget what's really important.

But I still think of her when I see the color orange or smell Clinique "Happy" perfume.  She was hilarious and extremely talented...the most naturally talented artist I've ever personally met, with the possible exception of my sister Marian.  She was one of those people that people couldn't help but like...she could have a comfortable conversation with anybody.  She was beautiful inside and out, and I've never seen a person who exuded confidence in the same way as she did: quietly and humbly, but without a doubt that it was there.  I often wish, even now, that I knew how to do the same.

This is my favorite piece that I've done in quite a while.  For the fact that the lady came out of my head, with no reference photo...for the fact that I only used one color plus black and white to bring her into existence...and for the fact that it calls to mind a good person who I had forgotten for a time.

Arlene, wherever you are, you're still on my mind and I miss you and love you.  I hope life has been as kind to you as you always were to me.

The Smell of Dirt

Today I've got the prompt for week 8 of JOURNAL 52, "Aromatherapy":

"I smell the dirt and the grass and all these glorious green things growing."

Head on, I'm not a fan of this page...it's just...'meh'...

MMM...TEXTURE...

But when you look at it from a different angle, it becomes much more interesting...

I love the texture on the flowers especially!

Hubba hubba!

Isn't that the way it goes...a little change in perspective makes everything better...

Cover up and Feel Alive

Today I've got my spread for the DOCUMENTED LIFE prompt from February 14 to share with you.  The theme for February was "Layers You Will Love", the art challenge was "Cover Up Good Stuff", and the journal prompt was "Going Undercover".

Here's what I made:

"The hardest thing you will ever have to do is to let yourself feel alive."

I got the words for today's spread from this song "Time to Leave" by Melissa Ferrick:

I used lyrics from this song in another spread recently, but these ones are so good, I figured it'd be alright...

Do you see the theme in the images?

When I thought about the prompt "Going Undercover", images of people shrinking back into themselves came to mind...of people hiding...all kinds of negative connotations.

For me, this spread is about the things that hold us back from being "alive"...from being our true selves.

On the left hand page, there's the girl who's constantly looking to someone else for the answers.  Then there's the girl who's always looking back on the past with regret (although I do love that artwork, she looks so melancholy).  And at the bottom, the girl who's always longing for what she can't have (Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth...one of my absolute favorite pieces ever).  On the right page, there's the girl who's constantly finding something else to do so that she can ignore what needs to be done.  And then the little girl hiding herself away because she's afraid.  And lastly, there's the girl in the swing...she's got it all figured out: to be exactly who and what she wants to be.

I think sometimes we (or I) make things harder than they have to be...we over-complicate what should be simple.  Like the song alludes to, it takes time and making up our own mind to see things clearly.  

It's not easy...it should be, but it's not.  

For me, I think that's why it takes us being...not brave (or not only brave)...but fed up...to be so sick of something that it's literally a knee-jerk reaction to have to make it change.  And then the challenge is to not let those nagging doubts or bad habits creep back in and push us back into our little holes.

We only get one go round in this life...I don't want to spend any more time shrinking back or covering up.  I am working on being the girl on the swing, boldly being whatever it comes to my mind to be.

Mindy Inspired and Frida for Mo

I thought you might like to see a process post today...it's kinda been a while since I've done one.

This spread is for my Documented Life journal for the Art Challenge "When Not To Stop" and the prompt "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough! (Ooh)" and is the first in the February (yep, that far behind!) theme of "Layers You Will Love"

I have to admit that layering does not come very naturally to me...it tends to require drying time...and that, in turn, requires patience...which is not my forte...  

I think that's why I always turn to a MINDY LACEFIELD inspired girl when I am prompted to do layers.   She talks about how her art is inspired by child-like freedom...doing what feels right, even though it may be technically 'wrong' artistically...like not waiting for that first layer to dry before you add more...that's right up my alley!  And here's what happened:

I started out with Aquamarkers on an un-gessoed page...added a crap ton of water to try to get them to blend...which didn't really happen, as you can see...FINE THEN, BE THAT WAY!

Instead of waiting for it to dry, I started spreading on some acrylic paint with a pallet knife over the sopping wet Aquamarker.

It looked a little flat, so I decided to add more paint, still with the pallet knife, but this time with the sharp edge instead of the broad, spreading way I had done previously...much better now, I think...more interesting to look at...more energetic...

Next, I challenged myself to paint the girl solely with my fingers.  I started out with the basic shape of the girl in a neutral color.

I started defining areas of her face and body with a few more layers of paint... 

I kept having issues with her nose shape and there are several boring pictures I left out that were just me getting aggravated at noses in general....

I finally picked one and went with it...more colors, shading and highlights at this point...

I evened her out and gave her some pearls...blue pearls because she has that slightly sad introspective annoyed look on her face...

"I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy.  It's not giving a damn."
-Lou Buscaglia

Sometimes I have a quote in mind before I start.  Other times, like for this spread, one will present itself after the fact...the art will tell me what it is my heart's brain was trying to say and I can find the just-right quote pretty easily. 

I hope you liked the step-by-step today...my mom says this girl is kinda scary looking, but she does have some harsh things to say, so she couldn't be all cutesy-froo-froo...she's lived a hard life this gal...she's jaded and bitter...  But admitting there's a problem is the first step towards solving it, and this little lady knows something's not quite right...

And now, for my sweet friend Twinkletoes, here's a couple pictures of Frida:

I caught her on my bed...she's never been on it before, and she doesn't know if she's allowed...she is literally not moving anything except her eyes (waiting to see if I'm going to fuss at her!)...for so long I decided to grab my camera and snap a picture...

Once I snapped the first pic, I started laughing at just how long she had stayed so still...and that's when I got this picture...it's the "Yay! She laughed, I'm not in trouble!" picture....
I just had her to the vet the other weekend, and she'd gained 12 pounds in a month!  She was a fluffy 41 pounds (at 4 months old).  She's such a gentle giant though...her brother, which is my sister's dog, is 54 pounds at the same age...and a maniac in my opinion...
I'll have to try to get some pics from where I take Frida walking at, Steele Creek Park...it's really pretty and serene and there's a lake and all...it's awesome!

And, on that note, I'm off to get ready for work...in a super speedy way because I've only got about 10 minutes before I have to go...five minute shower for me today!  But I got the important things done, and that's what counts, right? :)

Root For You

I'm slowly but surely working my way through all the prompts I've missed during the craziness so far this year...  I'm trying, you know...I'm trying.

The first thing I've got to show you today is for week 6 (back in February) of JOURNAL 52, the prompt being "Windows":

"Losing love is like a window in your heart, everybody sees you're blown apart."
-Paul Simon

It's from the fantastic song "Graceland" by Paul Simon:

That song has some great lyrics, and I'll probably return to grab more of them in the future...

Then there's the DOCUMENED LIFE prompt (from the last week of January) "What Lies Beneath?", with the art challenge of "Under Paper" and here's what I ended up with:

"Flowers grow in all kinds of dirt."
Not one of my favorite pieces (me and painting flowers just don't get along for some reason!), but the sentiment's true!

And finally, there's week 7 of JOURNAL 52, which had the prompt of "Valentines" and here's what I made:

"I'm amorous but out of reach."
I'm not sure about this one...it actually looks much better in person, the lines aren't so noticeable and the colors are a little different looking as well...but on camera...well, it looks like this...meh...I don't know...

I got the line from this song, "Valentine" by Fiona Apple:

And used this painting by Raphaelle Peale as an inspiration:

"Still Life With Peach"

And that's a couple more towards catching up!

I've actually got more to share with you, it's just a matter of getting the blog posts typed up...which is time consuming if I write in my usual way...hence the super condensed version today.  But next time, I've got one with pictures that show the progress of the page, and coming up really soon, I'll share a piece that I am super proud of!  So just bear with me...I'm still trying to get the new balance of life down and I'm just not there yet.  But soon, I think...I know I've got a lot of lovely people rooting for me. <3

Starting To Change

It's been forever, hasn't it?  

It sure seems like it!

I've been adjusting (more on that later) and I actually managed to do a couple of art journal pages, so I thought I'd share them with you...as proof that I'm not dead and all that...

The first page is for JOURNAL 52...week 5...the television prompt, posted way back in January...yes, I am that behind...shame of shames!

"You spent half your life trying to turn the other half around."  -Kathleen Edwards

What does that page have to do with TV you ask?  The words are from this song by Kathleen Edwards, called "Six O'Clock News":

I am not a TV watcher by nature...even when I do, I've got to do something else while I watch...and I wasn't really feeling the TV prompt...until I remembered that song and the line "You spent half your life trying to turn the other half around."  Which I really like and had more to do with where I'm at right now than any other TV related thing, so I just went with it.

And then there's the DOCUMENTED LIFE spread...also from way back in January...I feel so behind!  (Probably because I AM THAT BEHIND!)  The Art Challenge for this spread was "writing" and the Journal Prompt was "words with friends" and here's what I came up with:

You can't see it very much, but I used writing as my beginning layer...it only shows through in a few places.

I got the words on this page from this song, "Time to Leave" by Melissa Ferrick:

And I think they are some wise words indeed:

"You can't fix anyone else, babe."

"Being a friend means knowing when it's time to leave"

Aside from getting a little art journaling in, KAT MCNALLY'S APRIL MOON (still time to join!) has started, and I've been pondering the prompts in my head...she's got such a knack for helping you get to the meat of things, instead of just fluttering on the surface...she just asks the right questions, I guess.  

Kat's Reverb14 prompts last year had a very profound affect on me.  In fact, they are part of the answer to the first April Moon prompt: 

"That's when I knew that this chapter of my life had ended.  And now I was free to..." 

The thought of leaving my husband is something that had occurred to me many times...but there was always a reason not to...me talking myself out of it with one thing or another.  Because it's wasn't something to do lightly.  So I stayed and things just kept piling up and piling up and I stayed and things piled.  And for years of my life, I waited and hoped things would change.  But they didn't change.  And so I decided that maybe if I changed, then it would be an inspiration to others and then they would change too.  But that's not what happened.

There was a point last year, during Reverb14, where I was sitting there typing my answer to one of the prompts and I thought to myself 'I don't want to live this life'.  I was so, so tired of trying and trying and having nothing to show for it.  I'd worked hard to make things better...but I was the only one who was changing...everything around me stayed very much the same...despite my needing it to be otherwise...despite my pleas for something/anything to be different.  

And something in me just snapped...I knew that nothing was ever going to change.  I knew that I was always going to live this same sad existence every day and have that for my life.  And I knew that I did not want to live that life forever.  There had been so much opportunity for things to have ended differently between my husband (Andy) and myself, but Andy was comfortable with the way things were...he didn't want anything to be different, and he didn't seem to care very much about what I wanted. This is not different from the entirety of my marriage...the difference is that I was not ok with it anymore, and I was not willing to keep trying.  He made his choice, and I'm not mad about it...I just wasn't going to let him make my choices anymore.  I needed things to be different and I wasn't going to be the only one compromising any more.  One person can't hold up the world.

And so I left, and I've been staying with my mom since January.  And in some ways, I feel in transition still...not settled...because this is not the end of the line for me...I will get my own place eventually and have my own space and take care of myself completely by myself...and so as I sit here and type away on mom's computer, in mom's house, I feel like a bit of a transient.  

But the thing is, I know now that I am free to do things differently.  That I won't always have this feeling of unrest...that I will find a place to put down roots.  I don't have to do the same things I've always done.  I can make another choice.  I can forge my own path.  And I'm working on it.

And that leads me to the second prompt for April Moon:

 "Knowing what I know now, I would tell my ten-years-ago self:"

Not to damn wait.  

Ten years ago, I was a year and a half into my marriage, and had pretty well already started to have doubts about it.  Instead of listening to my gut, I listened to other people.  People, who despite having the best of intentions, didn't really have the right to decide what I should do.  I chose to listen to them, and I lost a lot of time and opportunities.

I would tell my former self to get it together...pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get to it.  Nobody in life is going to hand you what you want, and you don't get anything by sitting there wishing for it.  If you want it, go work for it.  Don't let anybody tell you who you are and don't let anybody guilt you into being something that you don't want to be.

I'd tell her the same thing I am telling myself today:  Figure out what it is that you want and go get it.  Knuckle down, quit your whining and make things happen.  You don't get to blame anyone else ever again.  Whatever you end up with, good or bad, is because of your actions or lack of them, so whatever choice you make, you better be ready to make it work.

And on that forceful note, I'm done for today...

I'll leave you with some cuteness...Frida the adorable (and growing like a weed) puppy dog:

Had to trick her with treats next to the camera so as to get her to stay still...

...the paw on the leg is the last ditch effort at patience...half a second after I snapped this pic, she jumped up, head-butted me and stole the treat...

More OK

Sorry for the radio silence guys.

If you've been a friend for a while, you'll know I've been contemplating some really big moves.

About three weeks ago, one of those big changes took place.

"Not fighting it anymore."
The drawing is older, but the sentiment remains true.

After a lot of thought and then more thought and a little more thinking, I've had a change in living arrangements.  It was the right choice for me.

I'm not really ready to talk about it fully, but I wanted to give you a heads up on where I've been and why it's been so quiet on the blog.  I'd like for things to be a little more settled before I give you the full scoop, and things have been anything but settled for the past three weeks...there hasn't even been any arting going on and you know how crazy that is for me!

Adding to the craziness is a new puppy for me:

Hi!  I'm Frida!

This is my new puppy Frida.  She's half Saint Bernard and half Great Pyrenees.  In the picture, she's nine weeks old...now she's 11 and has already grown quite a bit...I think she's going to be a monster size dog.  But she's super sweet and very smart...and she's LOVING the frigid weather we're having right now.

Hopefully, in a little while longer, I'll be able to get back on track with my art (I am so behind on DLP and J52!) and sharing it with you here on the blog.  In the mean time, just know that I'm more ok than I have been in a really, REALLY long time and that I am so excited to see what the future has in store.