Friday, December 13, 2013

Playing Catch-Up

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Before I start, I just want to say thank you to everybody for all the kind comments from yesterday.  I appreciated them very much.  Thank you. 

Abruptly moving on, I missed several days of KIOS and I'm gonna try with all my might to fit them in today...we'll see how it goes.

Day 9: Share your favorite movies:

In no particular order:

"Amelie"  I loved this movie.  I have a thing for foreign films, and this one is just amazing...I loved everything about it.

"The Goonies" Because Sloth loves Chunk and always will. 

And pretty much every movie with Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy.  "Pat and Mike", "Desk Set", "Adam's Rib" ...just watch all of them, they're fantastic...Love, love, LOVE these two together.

Day 10 Show and Tell

Well, you've seen some of my art journal stuff...and there's a bunch to be seen in past how about some of the soft toys I've made?

Giraffe for my Mom (they are her favorite animal).

Green elephant for my nephew is his favorite color (mine too!).

TN Vols doll for my work mom, Miss Lettie.  She loves the Vols, so I made this for her...and check out my crochet skills...

And this monkey (who's name is Alphie...and look, crochet skills again...) for my nephew Remy...this picture is at his baby shower.  That's my mom...isn't she cute?

Day 11: What makes you weepy?

For most of my life, I've not been a someone who cries very much...even at appropriate times...but the movie "Dumbo" makes me cry when I watch it.  When Dumbo's mom is in the 'mad elephant' cage and she reaches out and rocks him in her trunk and that darn 'mothers love their babies' song (I don't know what it's really called...that's just what I call it.) is playing in the background.  That always makes me weepy.  I didn't cry when Bambi's mom got shot...I generally don't even cry when people die in real life...but stupid "Dumbo" makes me tear up every time.

Day 12: Ten things I know for sure

  1. Trust is precious.  It's easy to lose, and it's hard, if not impossible, to regain once it's lost.
  2. It's harder to quit smoking the second time around.  If you've managed to quit, don't take it back up again...I went for several years without smoking (after quitting cold turkey from smoking more than two packs a day), and picked it up again when my friend died.  I only smoke about a pack a day now, and want to quit, and it's way harder this time than it was the first time.
  3. No matter what you're going through, there's a song that fits the situation/mood...and if you find it, it will make it all easier to deal with somehow...
  4. Words are never know how one kind word can help someone.  Conversely, you should be aware that it's almost inconceivable (till it happens to you) how much you can regret something you've said.  It's important to choose words wisely.
  5. It's easier to like people you might not otherwise care for if you can find their motivation.  People generally act a certain way for a reason.  If you see where someone is coming from, find the reason they are how they are, it's not as easy to dislike them.  Of course, sometimes you just don't want to like a person...but this whole "look for the reason/motivation" thing is helpful when you're stuck with someone and can't do anything about it (like a co-worker...)
  6. Don't put things on people that don't belong to them.  If you're mad at a person, don't take it out on everybody else.  It works the other way around too.  If you love somebody, don't give that love to other people who don't deserve it...more on that later...
  7. If you're sick, you will feel better if you watch old-school Price is Right (Bob Barker is the One True Host...don't forget it), QVC/HSN (I don't watch it any other'll end up with a whole lot of expensive crap that neither you nor anyone you know will ever need...but it always puts me to sleep when I'm sick!), or Bob Ross videos (for some reason, watching him paint always makes me feel better... *insert 'happy little trees' reference here*.)
  8. Time will always be more important than money.  You can always get more only have so much time.  This is why work-a-holics will never seem reasonable to me...once you have the basics (and art supplies are included in that...just so you know...), what else do you need?  I'd always rather have the time than the cash...unless it's like a million dollars for five minutes of that case...I got a little time...just saying.
  9. Surprise kisses are the're walking along and then BLAMO!  Surprise kiss from someone you love...that's awesome.  But I could also see how they could be the worst...and awkward..."GET OFF ME, WEIRDO!!!"  ...if it's just some weirdo, then probably not awesome...I suggest perfecting what I like to call 'double high-fives'...and develop your cat-like reflexes.  If somebody you don't want  is trying to smooch up on ya all stealthy like, you'll be ready with a double high five.  Because no one can feel bad after a double high five, even if said double high five is a not-so-subtle rejection...
  10. "The right time" doesn't exist.  If you really want something, go for it.  If you start waiting, you'll be waiting your whole life...and going back to #8, you only have so much time.  If it's that important to you, do it before you lose the chance.

Day 13: Share a first

This goes back to #6 on the above list.  I'm going to tell you a cautionary tale:

After my friend Leonard died, I found myself looking for a replacement Leonard.  (That sentence should warn you of the vast stupidity that's going to follow.)  People are not replaceable...I understood that.  But I thought if I could just find someone like him, similar to him, with some of his qualities, it might make losing him a little easier for me.  I didn't know it at the time, but that's what I was doing subconsciously.  Looking for pieces of him in everyone I met.  And so, I eventually found what I was looking for (or so I thought) in a guy I work with named Chris.  He was nice, he was funny, he was like Leonard, even down to his mannerisms and the way that he talked/things he said.  Over the course of at least a year, we got to be pretty good friends.  Chris reminded me of Leonard so much.  Finally, I realized I had developed feelings for Chris...and I reiterate that I am not one who is used to having feelings, so this was really something for me...real feelings too.  I didn't even think he was good looking (unlike Leonard, who was a fox and a half)...but the more I liked his personality, the better looking he got.  And I (ingeniously) ended up telling him how I felt (in my own awkward way).  I believe the exact words were "you know I like you right?  I mean in the kiss-your-face kind of way."  And that was a mistake.

The thing about it, the thing that I lost sight of, is that, while Chris had a lot of similar qualities to Leonard, he wasn't Leonard.  I had let myself take everything I felt for Leonard and put it on Chris.  I gave all this love I had to somebody who didn't really deserve it.

Chris basically hasn't talked to me since that happened.  I can't blame him, I guess.  I was so angry and sad when the whole thing first was like losing Leonard again.  That we don't talk anymore still bothers me now, almost a year after the fact.  Chris is a good guy.  But he wasn't my guy...he wasn't what I was looking for.  Nobody is going to be that guy.  I get that now.  No matter how much I want to find Leonard in another person, I'm not going to find him.  Even Leonard couldn't live up to the memory I have of him, because memories are always rose colored.  You gloss over the not-so-great things about people in your memories...eventually, those people become 'perfect' and no one could live up to that...not even the original.

This was the first time I understood the phrase "Follow your heart, but take your brain with you."  My heart wanted to find someone like Leonard, because I loved him so much.  My brain knew that wasn't going to happen, but I just didn't listen.  I guess the lesson learned is to love people for who they are, not who you want them to be.  Don't put things, good or bad, on people who don't deserve them.  It's not fair to them or to you.  

And on that note, I'm caught up and I'm going to bed.  Love and smooches to you all...

1 comment:

  1. So glad you are here today with your catch much to respond to... I would so hang out on the couch with you and watch Pat + Mike, and then some Bob Ross and make a few happy little clouds and trees, and then maybe Desk Set. You know marathon heart tending day! I don't make plushies myself -- because I stink at sewing -- but I have a couple Bumblebird pieces from when she was still doing plushies on Etsy -- so I could bring them over, too, to hang out ... we could drink tea and eat cookies and talk about how Hawk quit smoking after like 40 years of it by weaning himself off with water vaping. You know, just if any of that is helpful. In some parallel universe, or something??

    And I just wanted to say, oh my heart my heart, as I was reading your "first" share...I so hear every word of that. When our Kota died, we though we'd get pregnant again immediately as everyone kept saying things like "you're young, try again" -- until it dawned on me that I wasn't sure if I wanted *another* child or if I was just trying to replace Kota. And then later when I was doing public readings and such, I met adult people who were subsequently born siblings in families where a child had died. And a few of these adults had been named the same name as the child who died, and really, were still smarting with an unspoken vibe of always having been the "replacement" child. Oh. My. Just heartbreaking in some cases. Anyway, I don't know... I just found myself reflecting on all that as I was get it. Not fair to them and not fair to you either. Yep. Just sending hugs! <3


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