Thursday, November 14, 2013

I Can't Say It...

I'm feeling so productive today!  I've been working like a busy little bee on art every day this week...I feel like (fingers crossed) I've got my mojo back!  Hooray for mojo!!!  

I went through some of my paper scraps and said good-bye to the minuscule pieces I've hoarded...keeping small paper scraps is ok, but if you need a microscope to see them, it's probably ok to just toss them...

I also cleaned my studio desk...again...and did some reorganizing so that maybe it won't be such a terrible mess so quickly.    I have to fess up to being a bit of a person who piles.  There's not a HUGE amount of space in my I pile things.  This works because I do know where things are when they're in piles.  This doesn't work because the thing I need next is always at the bottom of a pile.  So I made a yard sale score a couple of weeks ago and got some little wire shelves to sit on my desk.  They are not fancy, but I think they'll's the same principle as piling except I don't have to move the stuff on top to get to the stuff underneath!  I finally put them to use (after procrastinating about cleaning for so long), so we'll see how it goes...

Here's my most recent work...I hate to say it, but I think that my mojo came back for the clean desk:

"I can't say it..."
 I'm sad that I can't get my phone to pick up the extreme awesomeness of the colors on this page!  In reality, the background is a beautiful teal, her hair is a nice grassy green, and her eyes are a deep sea blue...apparently I need to use some kind of app to make the red tones chill out...  But, just let me promise you, on my honor, that the true colors of this page thrill me to the core!

Have you ever felt that way?  Like you really want to say something, but you know you just can't?  Maybe you know it's not the right time, or maybe you question the other person's receptivity to what you want to say, or maybe you feel like it won't make any difference...but for whatever reason, your instincts tell you that you shouldn't go there...

Today, while sitting among my co-workers during interesting conversation occurred.  Whatever started the conversation, I do not know...but at some point during the conversation, I got told that I was blunt...which kind of made me laugh.  I've never thought of myself that way!  In my head, being blunt is a negative a person who shoves it in your face without giving a hoot about civility.  But the exact statement was "I wish my girlfriend was more like know, blunt..."  (First time anyone's ever wished for a girlfriend to be like me, I can assure you...haha) A discussion on my 'blunt' ways followed...apparently a lot of the guys I work with were waiting for the opportunity to talk about me to me...  It's weird to be involved in a conversation that you're the topic least it was for me...

I was informed that my bluntness is very much appreciated by the least the masses of my manly co-workers.  I guess I can understand how blunt could be a good thing, I just never looked at it that way.  I looked at it as 'blunt = rude'.  But apparently the group of co-workers look at it like 'blunt = honest'.  I'm pretty happy to be known as honest.  Part of the discussion about all things Sweets was that, while I'm honest, I'm also nice about it.  I guess that's true...I don't generally just smash the truth in people's faces if it's something I know they don't want to hear...I try not to anyway...

And then there was a point where the conversation turned to the age-old question: "Why can't women just tell you what they want?"  ...which makes me laugh...I don't know how I got to be the spokesperson for women everywhere...especially since I apparently (at least in the eyes of the dudes I work with) don't act like a 'normal woman'...  Which I pointed out.  But, being pressed into the position of womanly knowledge administrator, I did at least try to answer the question...with a multiple choice answer:  D) all of the above.

The answer to this question is so vast and different for each woman that it's hard to answer it in the confines of part of a half-hour lunch...

I think a lot of women (like me), learn at an early age that what they want 'doesn't matter'.  I grew up with an extremely domineering was his way and there was no other way.  After my dad was gone, I had to do a lot of things for the good of my family...again, it didn't matter what I wanted because there wasn't a choice.  And that's what you get used to...everyone else is more important than you, what you want doesn't matter, so why even mention it?  Somewhere along the way, I realized that what I want is important too...and I very gradually changed.  I got to the point where I would have rather been completely alone than to have to stay on the back burner for the rest of my life...  Not every woman comes to that realization...or they're not there yet.  That's not to say it's all ME! ME!ME! in my life now.  In a lot of things, I still don't say what I want...which leads to the second point.

Sometimes we don't say what we want because we really don't care either way.  This one is especially hard for my husband to understand.  Just because it's a big deal to him, it doesn't mean it's a big deal to me...  For instance choosing between cable and satellite...I don't give two flips about it.  But for him, it was this huge life altering decision.  It took me forever to get him to understand that I just didn't care!  I honestly thought it was idiotic for him to care so our almost 10 year marriage, we've had both...they're pretty much the same to me...a million channels and there's still nothing good on!  ...but I digress.  

I think another big reason we don't say what we want is that we want our significant other to pay attention.  We want to know they really listen to instead of saying what we want, we give them subtle clues that even Sherlock Holmes couldn't follow...just so we feel like they listen/pay attention/care.  But dudes have tiny caveman mean...brains that work differently than ours...they don't know what clues are!

Personally, I am annoyed by those girls...the extreme subtle hinters...because I hate to be subtly hinted to myself.  Just tell me already!  The subtle hinters are also the kind of girls who say things like "I hate it when I tell my boyfriend about a problem I'm having and all he does is try to fix it...I just want him to listen!"  Stupid girl, I smack your ignorant face!  If you want somebody to listen, tell your lady friends...most men are just programmed to want to fix things!  The difference is love vs. respect.  Women want to be when you tell a woman your problems, she thinks "I hear her problem, and I want her to know I understand how she feels so that she will know I care."  Men want to be respected...when you tell a man a problem, he thinks "I hear her problem and I will fix this for her...that will show her I care...and she will respect me for my manly problem solving abilities."  For the most part, women want to be heard/understood, men want solutions.  Of course, there are exceptions to the rules...I totally lean towards being a solutions kind of gal.  Don't get me wrong, empathy is nice, but I'd rather just know how to fix the problem.

This goes back to the original point of "why can't women just say what they want?"...women want you to do things because you love them, which is emotional; men want you to do things because you respect them, which is more mental.  As a woman who now acknowledges her emotions, I've realized that I've started to put more of the 'why' of things into my choices...what will doing/not doing this make me feel...I'm learning to be more intuitive...there are a lot of grey areas with intuition.  As a woman who was resistant to emotions for most of her life, I also realize that many of my prior decisions were very are the facts, black and white, this is the answer.  I think that's the difference between men and women in this regard...we women want to explain ourselves...and sometimes we just don't manage to get back around to the point...and the point is all men are interested in.  If you don't believe that, think about foreplay and how men and women differ there...yeah, see told ya so... (Again, I acknowledge exceptions to the rule...hehehe)

Anyway, that was my interesting lunch time conversation.  Clearly men are desperate for advice...I mean, they're coming to me for it...CLEARLY DESPERATE!  In the end, all I could really tell them was to listen and pay attention...because that's what I would want...someone who cares enough to listen to what I say.  And so to be fair, my advice for ladies: be more direct.  If you really want something, just say it.  Don't be an an adult.  Those are my words of wisdom for today.

1 comment:

  1. Lovely coloring. Her beauty shines through. Plus, you are the queen of shading, not just her nose, but look at the shading on her neck. Divine!!!

    Blunt is honest, open, and willing to tell you "what you need to know, when you need to know it". Don't ever fret when you are called Blunt! Hugs, Pamikins


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