Letting Go

With the completely horrible version of the prompts (neon, money, stickers) for this week out of the way, I shook off the ugly page mojo and made this page:

She remembered that it was ok to let go of things when the cost outweighed the benefit.

I would have never guessed it in a million years, but I am really enjoying the neon backgrounds...even on my previous page...you know, the shamefully horrible one...  

I like this page SIGNIFICANTLY  better than the first one.  It's much more 'my style' than the last attempt was for sure...I don't know what my creativity was doing the day I made the first page, but good gourd, don't let it leave me like that EVER AGAIN!!!  

I like that this page is another step in the direction of my personal goal to remember the journal part of art journaling.  

I've been thinking recently about how much I struggle to keep things (and people, sadly) in my life that don't really need  to be there.  I chase after things that don't want to be caught, and fight as hard as I can to hold onto them, to keep them around no matter the consequences.  Part of it, I think, is that I'd feel like a failure if I couldn't maintain these stressful relationships.  I've always kind of been the glue that holds things together...and having one side do all the work is not easy and it's how it should be at all.  In the past few weeks, I've been kindly told by several dear people that things 'are not always about me'.  I don't know why I have such a hard time accepting that.  It's a simple fact, really, but also profound.  Sometimes we just get the brunt of conflict that has little, if anything, to do with us.  We're just the person that happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  

It can really stink to be a caring person, because there's a very thin line that separates being caring and being codependent, where I start to think that I can change someone else's attitude and outlook.  And that's a bad place to be.  It's not my job to continually try to fix other people's problems.  Not that there's anything wrong with helping people if I can.  The problem is that it seems to be all I ever do.  For starters, it's kind of egotistical...it's like saying I can live that person's life smarter than they can...  I've got my own problems!  O meed to go fix them!  Additionally, if you start bailing people out too often, they quit trying to help themselves...you become an enabler and you start drowning in issues that were never yours to begin with.  And a person can only give so much...eventually, if nobody returns the favor, you're completely empty.  I've been riding on 'E' for a while now.

So I've decided to quit being glue-like and start being more like velcro.  Because velcro has two parts and neither part sticks without the half it matches.  I have needs and wants and problems too.  So I'm going to work on finding things that have a give and take.  This doesn't just apply to people either.  

There are other things I can think of that have no real benefit...I just do them because I've always done them.  And, honestly, there's not time enough in the day to do things just because they should be done or because it's the way it's always been done.  I'm going to liken this to making your bed in the morning.  Your whole life you've woken up and made your bed.  What's the point to it?  You're just going to get back in it and mess it up again!  But you've heard 'GO MAKE YOUR BED!' every day since you were a kid, and it's a habit and it's just the way things are done.  But really, why?  The world isn't going to stop if you just toss off the blankets and walk away.  I'm going to try to get rid of all those little 'go make your bed' situations in my life.

Some person out in the world, who is much smarter than I am said: When you say no to something, what you're doing is making room for yes.  Basically, you're making room for more positive things.  I've come to the realization that there are some things I'm finally ready to scream "NO!" at.  And I'm sitting here tonight, dreaming of all the good things I'm making room for, just by simply letting go.