The Little Black Book or An Almost Tutorial

I just wanted to share a little project that I did Saturday night.  I wanted to do something creative, but didn't have my usual journal page mojo going.  My mojo was eluding me all weekend actually, like a big jerk...  Usually, when this happens, I can look through my buckets of random supplies and find SOMETHING that gets me all worked up.  Or I go look at my Pinterest boards and get inspired.  Or, as a last resort, I tell myself if I don't think of something I'll have to start cleaning...that's usually a no-fail  way to get my brain working...anything is better than cleaning.

But, alas, even the threat of cleaning did nothing for me this time.  So I made good on my personal threat and started cleaning.  

I was going through the stacks of junk on my desk and came across a pocket calender similar to this one (I had two, because I like to hoard things with the thought that one day I will use them for something.):

Cheapie little pocket calender...you can pick them up for a dollar just about anywhere...

Between the find of this provocative little calendar, and the large amount of small scraps of patterned paper that were roaming about everywhere, my little brain devised a plan.  

Because the pages of the calendar were very thin, I glued two pages together and let them dry...afterwards I realized that I probably would have been ok not taking this step and just having more pages, but it was too late to unglue at that point...

Anyway, after the glue dried, I just took my random bits of patterned paper and started gluing them down all willy nilly and in the end, here's what I came up with:

At this point, I feel the need to mention that A) I should have cleaned my desk, because if anybody looks in the background of these pictures, they're going to think I NEVER clean...and that's not true, I just use spray ink and glue instead of lemon pledge...don't judge... B) you will probably notice how messy and uneven the edges of the pages are...which is true, but this is just my little scrappy book that will get tossed into the bottom of my purse for creativity on the go (at least that's the plan at this point) and will get beat up, and ripped and torn and bent anyway, so I'm ok with messy/uneven edges (if you're not and you make you own, go ahead and trim those babies down...it's ok, I give you the green light...) and C) you may have also noticed that some of the pages are less...cohesive(?) than other pages...I'm planning on fixing that with a color wash or some other sort of easy background technique that will probably involve gesso to make it meld together...or maybe not...random isn't so bad in my eyes.

I also wanted to make quick mention of my cover for this little monstrosity.  I went with a solid color black card stock, and not because that was the only piece of scrap paper I had that was big enough to recover the book with...although that was a big part of it...  I like to save the outside of my journals as the very last thing I decorate.  That way when you're in the midst of doing fabulous messy art journaly things, you're not worried about screwing up whatever awesome artwork you've done on the covers...because you haven't done anything to it yet...  I say save that for the end, so if you get a big blob of accidental paint on it, you can work that into your cover art and say it was your plan all along to do it that way...  That's right!  Lie!  Lie like a dog!  Oh, and just for your amusement, here is a picture of my boring black cover:

I hope this little almost tutorial thing was interesting to read.  Really fast, before I go, I want to mention before I forget that over the weekend, I had a neat milestone thing happen for my blog, I hit 1,000 page views...it was actually like 1,012 when I saw it...and that feels pretty neat!  So thanks everybody who comes to see me and my artsy stuff...you made me do the happy dance this weekend!

Fishbowl

The challenge this week for one of the Facebook groups I'm in is My All-Time Favorite Song.  

The hard part about this challenge for me is how do you pick just one?  I love music and lyrics!  It's literally impossible to pick my absolute favorite song!  It's a thousand way tie!  Maybe if you told me pick your favorite song for when you're in this mood or that mood or this situation or that situation I'd have a better chance at narrowing it down...but absolute favorite above all others?  IMPOSSIBLE!!!

I feel multiple journal pages coming on...

Here's what I have so far:

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year"  ...I love that line!

This page is inspired by "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd.  

In an odd turn of events, I had actually started this page before I found out that the theme of this weeks challenge was music related.  (I feel like I cheated a little bit!)  Many of my pages have started out because of the words to a good song.  I'm always listening to music...seriously...as I write this, I've got my Spotify mix going in the background.

How does music manage to move us so completely?  Why does it lift our spirits when we're down?  Why do I put on a sad song when I'm in a melancholy mood?  How can it call to mind things from the past so easily? Whatever it is about music, I'm so happy that we have it to soothe, to comfort, to energize, and to punctuate our lives so well.

April showers...the second...

This is my second attempt at the "April Showers Bring May Flowers" theme that's happening this week on one of the Facebook groups I'm in:

"It's always raining in my head."

It always pays to read instructions...although the weekly challenge is just a suggestion, I want to 'do it right'!  And if I would have read the instructions...in my defense I did read them...at about two in the morning...(so, let's just say if I would have read them while I was coherent...), I would have noticed that they said "include flower and umbrella"...  The first page I did had a flower...and rain...but sadly, not an umbrella...so I just had to do another page!

This time, the flower is the umbrella, as suggested by one of my FB friends, who said in my first page the flower was an umbrella for all the little bugs hiding in the grass!  Genius, I thought, and wanted to make a page that showcased that brilliant idea!  So my little fairy has herself a flower umbrella, and that's that!

The quote is from a song by Staind.  "It's always raining in my head" is just written over and over again.  I have always heard (though I don't know if it's true) that if a person's favorite color is grey, it is a sign of possible mental illness, so I did the grey background and the quote repetition to signify depression and when I look at it, that's what I see.  I like the contrast between the bright, happy fairy colors and the bleakness of the background.  In my mind, it has the message that what we show on the outside is not always congruent with what's happening inside of us.  

It's been on my mind a lot lately that I wish people would just say what they mean.  I am THE WORST person in the world for not always having a 'filter', some kind of alarm that goes off in a normal brain that tells the mouth what's ok to say and what's better left unsaid.  Instead, my thoughts tend to shoot out of my mouth without that warning bell going off.  And it tends to lead to awkward situations, because for the most part people are not used to hearing things this way, and I've always thought of this tendency as a bad thing.  But recently, I'm starting to wish that more people were like me in this regard.  It could save a lot of time and energy.  

Not that people should say every thought that comes into their brain...dear goodness, how exhausting that would be!  But think how nice it would be if people were just honest with each other.  I'm not saying forget manners and give me brutal honesty; there's a kind way to do it.  But really, at this point, I'd take rude truth over sweet lies.  I've been lucky enough in my life to know a few people who I could trust to always tell me the truth, even if it's not what I wanted to hear.  But it's not a trait you come across every day, and I don't know why.  

And the why is what always gets me.

Today, I was having a conversation with one of my work friends about the whole 'why' question.  We were observing that another co-worker (whom I love ardently) either likes people or doesn't like people with no apparent rhyme or reason.  She meets you, and makes up her mind in that instant whether she is going to like you or not, and there is pretty well nothing you can do to change her mind about it.  I mentioned that I was so happy that she decided she liked me, for the simple reason that it would drive me crazy to know I was disliked but not know why.  And the friend I was talking to said to me "Sometimes there is no why."  And my brain stopped.  Because I can't imagine that...in my head, there's always a reason.  We might not get to know what it is, but it HAS to be there.  And my friend couldn't understand how that one little phrase bothered me so much.  But the truth is (to me anyway) the why is a resolution.  If a person gives you a reason, in this instance as to why they don't like you, you have two options.  You can decide if the person has a valid point and work to change your perceived flaw.  Or you can decide that person's reason is stupid and either work to change their mind about said reason or let it go and move on.  Whatever you decide, whatever way you go, that one little 'why' is the solution.

And I say that to say this:  I've recently lost a good friend of mine over a stupid and inconsequential spat.  I've done everything I can do to reconcile, but to no avail.  Not only will this person not talk to me, but they even refuse to look at me or be in the same room with me if they can help it.  Though I don't feel like I was in the wrong, I sincerely apologized, because this friendship was more important to me than being right.  I was told to 'let it alone'.  

And I therefore conclude two things:  that whatever this is about, it's not about this little tiff (I won't say what it actually was, but let's say it was as stupid as someone being mad at you for saying the sky is blue or saying that you don't like to wear hats...just something as stupid as that)...and that's where the why comes in.  I think I could let it go, I could have a little closure at least, if the person would just tell me why they're so mad.  What did I do that's so bad they can't even look at me?  Because I honestly don't know.  And in not knowing the problem, I will never be able to find a solution, or know if I even want to find a solution.  

The second conclusion I've drawn from this is that clearly I valued our friendship much more than the other person did.  If they were truly my friend, they would at least give me some kind of reason for their sudden disdain.  But, sadly, not so much.  And that's brings us back around to my wish for people to just say what they mean.  If I don't like someone, I wouldn't be rude to them, but I also wouldn't choose to spend any significant amount of time with them either.  I wouldn't make conversation with them, and certainly wouldn't seek them out.  But maybe that's just me.  And that's why I'm wishing people were a little more like me right now.  If at the beginning I would have heard, "we're friends because it's convenient and that may or may not last", I'd probably be a lot less hurt and disappointed than I am right now.  Another of my friends told me that I should pretend that this all doesn't bother me.  And honestly, there's nothing more I can do, even if I wanted to.  I've said all I can say, and so now, anything other than apathy will come across as the desperation of a crazy person, and while crazy, I'm not desperate.  

In the end, unless the other person has a change of heart, I really do have to find a way to let this go.  That's what this page is really about for me.  On the outside, I'm going about my daily life with a smile on my face acting as 'normal' as my version of normal ever is.  On the inside, there's a constant hurricane blowing in my head, with "Why? Why? Why?" circling around in there and it's hard to find peace with all that noise.  Eventually, none of it will matter anymore.  There will either be a reconciliation or the death of what was, for me at least, a beautiful friendship, and it will get buried in the mental dirt that daily life provides and the only memory of it will be a small tombstone that reads "what might have been".

At least doing the above journal page and writing about it has proven mildly cathartic.  Mildly akin to flatulence, emotional turmoil like this is always better out than in.  Sorry you had to listen to my mental farts...

Stop looking for roses and 'April Showers...'

Just wanted to share a couple pages really quick.

This first one is all thanks to my friend Boo and her lovely comment on one of my recent posts.  I was contemplating my old lady-hood and feeling a little blue about my life, and her comment made me feel so much better.  Ok, first it made me cry, but then it made me feel so much better!  Boo, if ever we meet face to face, you must be prepared for the most gigantic squish you have ever been squished!

And so here is my Boo inspired page, to make me always remember the kind words she said:

Everybody should be lucky enough to have a friend like Boo to tell them just what they need to hear at just the right time!

My second page is for the prompt "April Showers Bring May Flowers" in one of the wonderful Facebook groups I am in:

My poor flower is a little droopy, but she's been rained on all day!  I think eventually I will add more to this page, but I'm not quite sure what to do with it yet...  Any suggestions?

Unexpected

I want to make sure I don't forget the journal part of art journal, and I completely do that a lot of the time.  I get caught up in the pretty or the practice of the art and totally forget to put something about myself in the page.  I'm working on it.

This page has been in my head for a long time, and yesterday it finally managed to escape:

There are certain things in life that I don't ever want to forget, and this page represents one of those things.  It's a rough sketch of one of the best memories I have.  I don't care who you are, but you've either had or one day will have a similar memory: the kiss.  Not your first kiss, although you'll probably remember that too...my first real kiss was when I was 16 or 17...I was a late bloomer...  The boy's name was Davie, and all I remember was that he was nice to me.  And the fact that, when he put his tongue in my mouth, I pulled back and shrieked: "I don't know how to do that!"...  Yes, I am forever awkward...  

But I'm not talking about your first (awkward) kiss.  And I'm not talking about the wedding kiss in front of a bunch of other people, making you feel like all your family and friends are a bunch of lechers and you just didn't know it.  

This is about the best kiss you've ever kissed.  The kiss by which all other kisses will be measured.  The kiss no other kiss will ever live up to.  The kiss you will think of on your death bed, when you look back on your life and remember that day and you will know that you were good and truly kissed.  

This page represents that kiss for me.  This is my memory of THE KISS.  

I'm so happy with this page, not because of the art, because I think I've done better.  The lines are off and the coloring is mediocre.  But I love this page because it really represents me and something that happened in my life that shaped who I am.  I got the journaling part of art journal right on the nose at last!  It makes me smile every time I look at it for what it represents.  And maybe in the end, that's what good art should do.  It's not necessarily what's on the page that matters, it's what the page evokes; it's what the piece makes you feel that matters.  It's always the thought that counts. 

Magenta Doodle Numbers

Hehehe...that post title sounds like I have some sort of Tourette Syndrome.  But no...it's the prompt for today's pages!  I may have some sort of Tourette's, I think people call it Verbal Diarrhea, but I don't think that's a diagnosable disease at this point.  And really, when they finally do make it an actual medical condition, they'll have a better name than Verbal Diarrhea...at least I hope so.  Because who would want to have to tell other people "It's not my fault...I have VD."  Yeah, that would be awkward.  But I digress...and offer you pretty pictures to make you forget about my VD. Hehehe...

Magenta, doodle, numbers prompt #1:

I really like the bottom...the top...meh, it's ok.

I wish I would have just continued the flowers all the way to the top, but the great thing about art is that you can have as many do-overs as you want...so that flowers to the top thing will happen soon!  Apart from that, I've been pondering my impending old lady-hood...the big 3-0...  

When I was a kid, I always thought there'd be some sort of turning point...something would click in my head, and suddenly I'd feel like I was an adult.  But that hasn't happened yet...maybe it never will...maybe that's a good thing, I don't know.  Sometimes I feel like I'm a plant that keeps growing and growing, but for some reason never blooms...I keep waiting...  And waiting...  And waiting...  I'm starting to wonder if I'm just some kind of dumb plant that will only ever have leaves and never flower!  

That sounds really depressing, but I don't mean it that way.  I'm still growing at least.  I've got some things figured out, or at least much more so than when I was younger.  I'm much more comfortable in my own skin...it's not perfect, but it's mine.  I press ever forward and all that jazz!  

I guess I'm not really a non-flowering dumb plant...I'm more like the tulips in my yard.  All this week I've been looking at them.  Every day I said to myself "I bet those are going to bloom this week."  And they didn't...and they didn't...and they didn't...and I started to have my doubts.  Then finally this morning, I walked out of the house to go to work, and was accosted by yellow and orange!  All at once, full on colorful fabulousness!  And maybe that's what I'm like.  I'll bloom out eventually, I just need a little more patience.

In the mean time, I'll keep doing my thing, as described in my other page for today:

There was a little girl ,who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good, she was very, very good.  And when she was bad, she was horrid.

Singing in the rain...a couple times, plus a magazine collage and a new to me watercolor technique

One of the lovely groups I am in on Facebook had a suggested theme of 'Singing in the Rain'.  This theme must have struck a chord with me (unintended musical pun...bwa-ha-ha), because I could not stop with one page...I did three...so far...

First page, is watercolor in the background areas.  Then, using tinted modeling past, I did the girl, her umbrella, and the black thing to the right...which I am undecided as to what it is (originally going to be a bench, but it doesn't look very bench-like), but I like it there, so I left it alone.

Next, I did this girl.  She's watercolor and gouache.  I like her hair and her rain coat.  I used a dry brush dipped in watercolor and flicked it over the page to give the impression of multiple raindrops...because I discovered that I find making raindrops kind of tedious...or I am lazy...but let's go with raindrops are tedious...

And this is my third page with the 'Singing in the Rain' theme.  I saw the zentangle-looking clouds on Pinterest, and thought how perfect it was for the theme.  I used an ultra fine blue sharpie and watercolor for this page.  The journaling is mine, and it says "It's a lonely song, but I keep on singing."

I had so much fun with my previous magazine collage thingie (inspired by Teesha Moore's work) that I decided to do another...  The journaling (my words...but you can use them if you want, cause we're friends like that) says "One day, these teeny tiny wings will fly me away."

And finally, here is a watercolor fish I did using a new to me technique.  My sister sent me a link to a video (you can watch the video HERE) from Lian Quan Zhen, who is an awesome artist, and seems like he'd be so fun to take a class from!  His bio is also very interesting.  My fish painting was done using the first technique on the video.  I had so much fun doing it, and will be working to get better at doing this style of watercolor.

That's all I've got...what have you been up to?