High and Low

The prompt for Journal 52 this week was to use a photograph in your art in some way.  You can read more about that HERE. 

I love what other people can do using pictures and seamlessly blending them into their art.  Major gorgeousness!  I, however, am not very practiced at doing this.  So, because I don't actually have a huge amount of photos, and because I was scared that I would ruin one of the few photos that I do have, I used a photo from an Ikea magazine.  I think this is actually a really good way to practice putting photographs in your art, without the fear of ruining said photo.  I am going to keep practicing with magazine pictures till I get better, and then I will start incorporating actual photos.

So here's what I did:

I looked high and low.

First off, not to shabby for one of my first attempts, right?  I started off with a page that had spray inks already on it, I think from a failed experiment with stencils...basically, the page was a scrap piece of watercolor paper when I started out.  It was horrible looking.  

So I was going to just cover it over with some gesso and start fresh...but when I did that, the ink smeared around (duh, water-soluble spray inks!  I knew that...) and I really liked what accidentally I absolutely knew was going to happen...  

When it was dry, I glued down my magazine photo, and covered it with a thin layer of Glossy Accents so that I easily wipe away anything that accidentally got where it shouldn't get.  It ended up making the picture have those neat ripples in it, which I think makes it look like an older photo.  I imagine if I had done this with a black and white magazine photo, it would totally look like a weather beaten vintage pic!  Again, hooray for happy accidents absolutely knowing what was going to happen from the moment I started...  

Then I used gesso mixed with Dylusions to try and make the image look like it was part of the page instead of sitting on top.  I think this could be done a little more effectively, and I will try more/different things to blend it in next time. 

 Then I added the big lettering at the bottom, and when everything was dry, I took a white pen and did all that scribbley, messy journaling around the photo.  Yes, there are words.  Yes, that is my actual handwriting.  Yes, I can read it.  I know!  I keep telling you I have 12 year old boy handwriting!  To get to the point where I was sure no one else could read it, I wrote down the page first, then turned it horizontally and wrote over that, then turned it diagonally and wrote more and then diagonally the other direction and wrote even more.  That's a good way to get things out of your head, while ensuring no one else will be able to read what you wrote.

I used this song as part of the inspiration for my page:

I think it describes my feelings pretty well in regards to the loss of my friend.  I don't walk around in a cloud of despair everyday like I used to.  I'm learning how to live with what happened, and be happy with the world as it is.  I don't look for him anymore.  I have stopped trying to find pieces of him in the people I meet.  It was driving me crazy to live like that.  And I'm better now that I have come to realize that, even though he's gone and even though no one else in the world will be exactly what he was, I am lucky to have had him in my life and I should take that for what it is and be happy for it.  And most days are happy days.  But the anniversary of his death was Saturday, and I have come to understand that it seems no matter where I am or what I am doing, May 10th will always be tinted with sadness for me.  I imagine that too will get easier with time, but I can't imagine never feeling at least a little sad.   And that's ok.  I don't think anyone gets through life with a pristine heart.  They're all all a little scarred or a little broken.

To paraphrase Rumi, the cracks are where the light shines through.  We take what we have learned from those we love, and we share it with others, consciously or unconsciously.  We empathize with the pain of other people, even if the reason for their pain is not the same as ours.  We just know it hurts, and we can feel that hurt in our own hearts.  Maybe we help them get through it in some small way.  And maybe we learn to love our scars and our broken hearts, not because we wish for them, but because of what they mean...because of who they've made us...because we're lucky to have them...  Because even though they're banged up, they're still beating.

Late in Posting, Not in Doing

This is my page from week 12 of Documented Life (you can read more about DL HERE), where the prompt was to cut up a magazine and add it to your page.  I actually had this spread finished on time...I just haven't had any time to post it.  Ugh.  I even have this week's spread done too...I hate feeling behind when I'm not actually behind!

This was one of my less favorite prompts...I love how other people can do collage work...especially with magazines...I just don't think it's my forte...know what I mean?

But in the spirit of 'tough crap, just do it', I made this spread:

"Now and Then"

I have a limited supply of magazine choices to work with...Better Homes and Gardens and Southern Living...my options were pretty much flowers and ads...so here you have what I could do with flowers and ads...

The left page represents how I feel currently:

"I'm scared.  I don't know if I can.  I don't know if I can do this."

I went with a yellow background color...you know, because if you're a chicken, then you're yellow...but it was really bland looking...so I added the grey...still bland...so I used that bright orange marker.  Good gravy...it is BRIGHT!  I think this page is so LOUD.  I think that it matches what I'm feeling right now...the timid yellow and grey are feeling puny and wimpy...the bright orange of my fears yelling at me that I won't be able to do the things I want...yeah...there you go...color metaphor...

The right page is about the future:

The magazine prompt part of the spread...

There's such a huge difference between the two pages of this spread...they hardly go together at all.  But to me they do...  This page is my after...after I face my fears and make a move...after all the discomfort and trying times are done...then I get to this point...eventually.

"But we did do it, didn't we?"
"Yes dear...we did it.  We made a good life for ourself."
On a side note, the girl on the porch looks like she's from a tampon ad...I don't know what kind of ad she actually came from, but she totally looks like she's from a feminine hygiene sort of ad, doesn't she?

Those ladies are me at various stages.  On the left page, it's me now...scared and unsure of what to do/what will happen.  On this page, on the porch, that's me immediately after all the sucky stuff is over and life is getting to be what I choose it to be...where I am standing in the light at the end of the tunnel.  And then in the window, that's me looking back over my life...being happy, knowing I made the best choices I could, knowing that everything really did turn out ok and for the best.

Right now, that left page seems so far away.  I feel so mired in indecision...guilt for thinking of some of the things I think about...fearful of the unknown.  

Do you ever get that feeling like something is about to happen?  Like some secret shoe is about to drop on you and turn your world upside down?  I feel like that right now.  I don't know why.  Nothing's happened to give that feeling any merit...and yet I feel it.  It's like everything has been calm and I suddenly realized it's the calm before the storm...and I've only got a few minutes to batten down the hatches.  Who knows...

I've been telling myself nothing will come of it...that it's just a random feeling I've got from being too tired and working too much and not having enough play time...making me a very dull girl indeed.  But I find myself discreetly preparing for the upheaval anyway.  In small ways, I've been bolstering myself for something...I don't even know what...just something.  

I find myself feeling agitated and aggressive...like I want to strike the first blow on an enemy that hasn't even made himself known yet.  And that's not like me.  I hate conflict.  I hate confrontation.  I'm passive.  I let things happen and then decide from there what to do.  I don't act...I react.  But here I am, ready to take a swing at the first thing that pops it's head up.  It's like all my life my fuse has been slowly burning and now it's getting towards the end...shorter and shorter and soon something explosive is going to happen.

It's so strange, because I remember feeling extremely and uncharacteristically optimistic about this year just a few months ago.  In December and January, I was so happy-go-lucky, with a similarly illogical feeling about this year being a good one.  And that feeling is still there, waiting in the wings...but now I have this odd feeling of unrest...of something in the air.  Change is coming.  I don't know how or why or what...but it's coming.  And I know change is always happening...but whatever this is, it's big...it's major...and it's looming just on the horizon.  It feels exciting and menacing at the same time...FREAKY, I know...

To be honest, the whole thing is a little unnerving.  And that's what this spread is about, I guess.  Because whatever happens, it will be ok.  I can deal with it.  I can get through it.  I can thrive.  I can get handed lemons and make lemonade and all that good stuff.  I know I can.  But right now...in my moments of weak impatience...in the dark days before this possible impending gigantic s*** storm that's about to happen (Tom Petty was right...the waiting IS the hardest part), I feel scared...and I suppose I just needed a visual reminder that whatever happens, I'm going to be able to make myself a good life.  No matter how I feel right now, I know I'm not really weak...I'm not helpless or powerless.  Quite the contrary.  

I know I can work through a lot of things, because I already have.  It's one good thing about not always having had an easy life...you know from experience that you can get through it and get past it.  I've been through the ringer before, and I'll go through again, I'm sure.  It isn't pleasant during, but you come out fresh and clean on the other side...  And maybe that's why this ominous feeling I'm having is accompanied by optimism...because I know how good a fresh start can feel.

Maggie...Face 17 of 29

Here's face 17:

Hi, I'm Maggie.

I'm calling this gal Maggie because underneath the paint, gelatos, and gesso there's a face from a magazine...oh, I'm so clever... (haha)  

Anyway, this is actually a pretty fun technique.  You glue the magazine (or printed) image to a page, then do a light coat of gesso over the magazine page.  Then go over the features with a pencil (at least that's what I do) and then start painting.  Because you've done a thin coat of gesso, you can see where the features and shadows go.  It's actually pretty helpful too if you're having trouble with shading and proportions or some other issue, because you're going right over the photograph and you can still see the important bits...and you could really do it with anything you wanted...it doesn't have to be a face.  So fun stuff, fun stuff...

I wish I would have taken a picture of the magazine face so that you could see how different Maggie is from the original image.  To me that's one of the extra cool things about doing this technique...if you had ten copies of the original image and did this over and over, even though you used the same image, your faces will end up different every time...unless I guess you were REALLY good and you wanted to make the same girl ten times.  But, for the most part, your paintings are going to come out differently.

I like how the nose turned out pretty well...and I like the hair/head scarf situation too...and some of the shading is cool, and her bottom lip is making me really happy!  On the other hand, I'm sad that she's got a bit of the googly eyes going on...and teeth...the teeth situation is questionable as well...but I am a bit disgruntled at my teeth still, so that might have something to do with it... (I CURSE ALL THE TEETH!!!)  

I really liked using the gelatos over the acrylic paint too...they stayed viable and blended super well even if they dried before I got the other color in...they reconstituted well...I hope I am saying that right.  Anyways, if you haven't done it yet, try gelatos over top of acrylic paint...it's fun!

Until tomorrow, my friends... <3<3<3