Thursday, January 30, 2014

Documented Life, Week 5: We said goodbye...

Can I just say: I am tired of bad things happening.  No more for me, stupid universe, I've had my fill.

Last Friday, one of my dogs, Nu Nu, passed away.  I'm not going to go into a lot of details in this post, because I don't want to get myself all worked up again, but that's what this weeks DL spread is about:


Nu Nu was a really good dog.  He was smart and comical.


His name was really Noodles.  He was part pit bull, part dalmatian, and a rescue, like our other dogs.  I named him Noodles because I know how afraid some people are of pit bulls...but no one could be afraid of a dog named Noodles.  

I worked at a vet clinic for several years.  In all that time, I came across only one mean pit bull...his name was Ozzy, and he hated everybody except for his owners and me.  I was the only one at the vet clinic who would go near him.  On the opposite side, mean little dogs came in every single day...this is why I have an aversion to chihuahuas...the only dog that ever came close to biting me was a chihuahua...I think they are evil.  Unless you have a chihuahua...then I'm sure yours is nice...but all other chihuahuas are tiny sacks of evil...but I digress...  The point is 99.9% of pit bulls are nice...(and 99.99999% of chihuahuas are evil)...

Nu Nu was exceptionally nice.


In the last couple years of his life, he was sick.  We tried everything to help him, but nothing worked.  There comes a point when you have to let go and just do what you can to keep them comfortable.  Honestly, if it were up to me, I would have put him down.  I don't advocate putting animals to sleep, but when nothing else can be done and when there is no quality of life...I just don't think it's right for them to suffer.  My husband believes that, 'you wouldn't put me down if I was sick, so how can you do that to one of the dogs?'  ...maybe he's right...I don't know...


I just know that last Friday, nature took its course, and I came home and buried a good dog in the frozen ground, and now he doesn't hurt anymore.

I think it's interesting, scientifically, I suppose, how animals react to death.  The other dogs ignored his body...it might as well have been a stick or a rock.  It seemed like whatever was left of him, they knew it was not Nu Nu.  They did not recognize him anymore.  Jake, one of my other dogs, has been looking for him.  I don't know why he would...Nu Nu always stole Jake's food...I guess the way a pesky brother would.  Some people think animals don't remember, but I think they must.

Death always makes me think of this line from a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay, where she says 'things in death are neither clocks nor people, but only dead'.  In other words, whatever makes us alive is gone and for all intents and purposes, our bodies are nothing but broken clocks.  Some people would say the thing that makes us alive is a 'soul' that we have, that lives in our physical bodies for a time, or others that humans are souls and the 'breath of life' is what does it, or million other things.  I don't know who's right, if anybody is.  I think that's why I always think of Millay's poem, because it describes death in a way I can comprehend: something that works and then doesn't.  

Maybe my other dogs see it as something that was here but is gone now...Nu Nu was here, but now he's gone.  Just like me, they don't know where...I guess dogs don't really think of that part...only people think that way.  It must be so much easier to be a dog than it is to be a human.


Nu Nu was a good dog.  The sad part about loving mortal things is that there will always be a painful goodbye.  And yet, we keep loving, don't we?  Maybe if we were all smarter, we'd just have pet rocks and passing acquaintances and we'd never love anything, only accept it's presence.  But then, what would be the point of living?  I suppose that to really live, we must love and love hard and feel the hurt for all the things that mattered and that matter still.  These things wouldn't hurt if they didn't matter.  I think that Nu Nu must have mattered to me very much, and that I must be very lucky to have such a pain in my heart.

36 comments:

  1. Awww. Nice tribute. Sorry for your loss. You will always look back at your DLP and remember this moment. Art is Therapy.

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    1. Thanks you Janet. You are so right, art is therapy...I am so glad we have it to help us get through the tough stuff. <3

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  2. I'm so sorry for the loss of your special companion.

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  3. What a beautiful tribute to your precious Noodles. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  4. Your killing me girlfriend....... So sorry for your loss! That's one of the reasons I don't want to get a dog, it hurts so bad, when they pass. Glad you had some long happy years with mr. noodle. I don't agree with your assessment of dog breeds, but I'll defend your right to that opinion ! Your spread is a great tribute.

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    1. Thanks, my honey. It does hurt when they have to go, but I all that unconditional love is hard to say no to... I always thought that when the dogs we have now (and have had for their whole lives...I think Sparky is the youngest at 6 or 7) passed away, that would be it for us, no more dogs, but then someone left us Fusco, the drop-off wonder dog...who is about a year old and totally amazing and awesome...and we suddenly have a whole new generation (he's like the grandson of our other dogs!) and a different future than I thought...

      In my defense, I did say that YOUR chihuahuas were nice...just not most of the ones I've met...maybe chihuahuas just don't like me...I hadn't thought of that before... And I swear, pit bulls are good and smart and loving...I know they have a bad rep, but it's all in how they are raised! With Nu Nu, the first thing I taught him was "Drop", because that is one of the things people know pits for: biting down and not letting go...so "Drop" was really important for me with him. No matter what he had in his mouth, if I said "Drop", he would hork it out of his mouth so fast...I swear, you could give him a T-bone steak and if you said "drop" he'd spit it out like it was on fire! He was a good guy in a lot of different ways. :) <3

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  5. Sweets honey, I am so sorry for loss. Noodles looked like a very happy dog and your likeness of him is spot-on! Beautiful tribute page. Hugs, my dear!!!! Love Pamikins

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    1. Thanks Pamikins. He really was a happy dog. He was so smart and was full of personality, especially before he got sick. I was laughing at my picture a little bit, because I thought I made him look like a weasel or maybe a seal...but I know who it is, and that's what matters! Big squishes. <3

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  6. well said, awesome memorial to Nu Nu

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  7. <3 your love for Nu Nu tells us who you are... it is the story of a part of your life.. <3

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    1. Thank you Freule. I am glad that I got to have Nu Nu as part of my story. <3

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  8. What a wonderful post on a very sad occasion. It is always painful to loose someone, no matter human or animal. And I know animals have a soul. I took a class in telecommunication with animals. I tell you, this was beyond surprise, what I experienced there. Everyone in this class could contact animals. Many very surprising things happened I would never think of in my weirdest dreams. Anyway, I want to tell you a little story, which might help you in your sorrow. My dog, Merlin, a wonderful Cavalier became very sick and died while I was in hospital with a disease in the same organs he suffered from. One hour after he passed away I received a picture of him, on a sunny meadow with yellow flowers, blue sky. Merlin was jumping around chasing blue butterflies and he was laughing!!! He told me not to worry and that he feels great and that we will meet again, but it is not time for me yet. Already having cancer at that time, I was sure to live some more time. This moving picture was so real at that moment, I sat on the bed crying. I was so glad for him. This is a place I want to go, when I have to go. And I am positive I will also meet Nu Nu, playing with Merlin and the butterflies.
    Big hugs
    Gabriele

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    1. Thank you Gabriele. I would really be glad to think of Nu Nu and Merlin and all the other good dogs and animals getting to be in such a happy place. That is a very good thought to think. <3

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  9. My condolences to you all on your loss but I agree, we shouldn't avoid the opportunity to love, even though we know we might have to say goodbye some day. Nu Nu will always have a special place in your heart and now in your DLP planner as well! Love the drawing you did of him.

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    1. Thank you Cynthia. It is hard to lose the ones we love, but it would be very sad to live without that love. The good parts outweigh the sad parts, and I'm glad that I can remember to look at it that way even when there are tears in my eyes. <3

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  10. I'm so sorry you lost your pup Nu Nu. They are such BIG parts of our families. A gorgeous tribute in your journal for him though! On a sidenote, I'm very glad to find a blogger doing journal52 and Documented life too!

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    1. Thank you Kari. They do become a part of our families, don't they? I don't have any human babies, but, as my friend Pamikins reminds me, I do have my fur babies and they are very special indeed!

      This has been unofficially dubbed the Year of Challenges for me...I am doing J52, DLP, Root 30-day journal challenge (as a writing challenge), Morning Pages (3 pages of writing a day), Supplies Me (which is a Jane Davenport workshop), and in February, I will be starting Express Yourself (another JD workshop). I have a lot going on in my creative life this year! ...usually I'm so much more lazy.. I don't know what happened, but it all looked so fun, I guess I just couldn't pick one. And the prompts for j52 and DLP have been SO good so far. I'm very glad for that. <3

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  11. So sorry for the loss of one of your furry friends. Thank goodness for your journal and the chance to not only document the loss, but all those sweet memories of him along with his beautiful face. Your pages and portrait are wonderful and you can SEE the love they reflect.
    xx
    Gaye

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    1. Thank you Gaye for your kind words. I am very glad for my art journals for emotional things like this...I am not very good at processing emotions (I am a very good deny-er/bottler...) and making the art helps me to get things out of my head so that they quit playing on repeat. Thank you for seeing the love in the pages. <3

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  12. I am very sorry for your loss! I once had a pit bull, her name was Golda and we loved her. She was a very good dog.

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    1. Thank you Sara. Aren't pits such sweet dogs? I love the name Golda...it's a VERY good dog name. I like when people name their animals not-the-usual names...we have a dog named Sparky (my husband named him) and it just drives me crazy. But Golda...oh, I love it. <3

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  13. Oh, Sweets, I'm so sorry for your loss of such a gentle companion. You made a beautiful memorial to him. Your painting of him is amazing. <3

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    1. Thanks my Raine. I wish I could have done something more...whatever we do when someone or something we love passes away, it never seems like enough. When my Leonard passed away, and they put the marker on his grave, I was so frustrated that it was such a small marker...I thought it was not enough. It took me a long time to see that if we all had huge memorials for all the people (and animals) we loved, there'd be no room left for the living. So I will at least have this page and a few pictures of Nu Nu to remember him by. I am glad you like the picture of him...I think I made him look like a weasel or a seal...but we know who he is, and that's what matters. <3

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  14. I am so very deeply sorry for your enormous loss. Perhaps this may offer some comfort:

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

    Author unknown...

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    1. Thank you Trece. This sounds like a very nice place to be indeed. I would like to think of him and all the other fur babies in such a happy place, where they aren't sick or hurting or alone or hungry. Nu Nu will have so many special pals to play with while he waits.

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  15. So sorry. A dear friend of mine also lost her best friend of 15 years. Now Angel is an angel. Hopefully she and Nu Nu will find each other. And, just in case you're keeping track, my chihuahua isn't evil... he's just a jerk... and knows it. lol I think he knows we love the Lab more... Hugs and prayers coming your way.

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    1. Thank you, Deanna. I hope so too...

      You made me smile with your description of your chihuahua.

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  16. Sweet, I"m so sorry to here about Noodles. What a wonderful name!! I know you are sad and will miss him. I hope it helps you to know he is not hurting anymore. ((Sweet Red Clover))

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  17. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post ...and NuNu. I'm so sorry for your loss (((♥))) it is painful to say good-bye

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    1. Thanks, Marilynn. He really was such a good guy...I could have wrote on and on...but then I'd have gotten all uncontrollably weepy again, and I am running out of tear juice, I think. <3

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  18. Oh that's so sad. Sorry to hear you had to go through that. Night night Nu Nu. x

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  19. Thanks, Boo. It does help me to know he's not in pain anymore...I just wish that part of his life (being sick) didn't have to happen that way. I do miss him, he was a great clown when he was well... <3

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  20. Thanks, Amanda. I like the thought of him just taking a long and restful sleep, that's very comforting. <3

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