Later Gator

This is the final spread for DOCUMENTED LIFE (DLP)...there's not much I can say about the first year of DLP that I didn't say about Journal 52 in yesterday's post...it's with the same melancholy feeling that I bring 2014's DLP journal to a close.  

Just like J52, DLP will continue next year, and I will continue right along with it for as long as possible, but I don't know if it will hold the same meaning for me that this first year has...I can only hope, I suppose.

The prompt for the final DLP spread is "Draw or Collage Something That Begins With the First Letter of Your First Name."  

And here's what I came up with:

Look at my desk!  It's clean!  Holy guacamole!  ...but more on that later...

Here's the left side, as close as I could get it with the full page showing (mostly):

I figured I would do a little collage on one side of the spread  and draw/paint on the other and be an overachiever like I like to do...

Just in case you don't know, my name is Amy.  I chose to go with "A" things instead of my normal inclination to go with Sweet Red Clover as my 'name' for any kind of prompt where names are involved.  I don't know why it was, but I knew I really wanted to use "A" stuff before I ever even considered what it was I would do for the spread...but of course I still had to sneak in a little clover action on the page...

I got the all the Aces and the 'A' flashcard with the apple on it in happy mail, so thanks to everybody that sent those to me!  I happened to get a piece of junk mail  yesterday  (the pieces of manila envelope) and the words "important" and "documentation" caught my eye, so I tore them out thinking I would use them sometime...although I didn't realize it would be so soon!  And the little tag from the Earl Grey I was drinking as I worked on this spread...had to throw him in there! 

I'm not much of a collage person...sometimes I get it right and other times, not so much.  This one, whether it's good or...other, makes me happy...so it must be ok, I guess!

 The "End Here." and the words at the bottom of the page (you can see them in the pic before this one...it says "See nothing to be scared of.  It was even a little fun, right?") were already in the SmashBook (that I converted for my DLP journal), and I was glad to be able to keep them visible, since they seemed like good words.

And this is the right side of the spread:

See you later, alligator!
I copied this guy (with a few changes...not enough to call him my own, for sure) from some art I saw on Pinterest.
You can see the original (which is TOTALLY awesome...) on my 'Copycat With Respect' board.

While they were two separate projects, DLP and J52 have served the same major purpose for me...which is proving to myself that I could, in fact, finish what I started.  And so it seems fitting that both the first page for my J52 journal and the last page of my DLP journal have balloons on them.  I remember very distinctly someone from the J52 group on Facebook commenting (a whole year ago, that's how happy it made me!) that my first page should be in a children's book...it's one of the kindest compliments I've ever gotten about my art!  And this gator, even though he's pretty much a copy of someone else's work, looks to me like he'd be a good children's book too!  (Best compliment I ever gave my own art! ☺)

Again, like J52, the only thing that's left of DLP for me is to do a little (but picture heavy) post showing all the spreads in one place...and maybe to decorate the cover, but I haven't decided if I want to do anything to this one, I kind of like it as is.  We'll see...

-

As you might be able to tell from the first picture, I started cleaning my studio.

Actually, I think it would be better described as purging.

I've told you before that I never clean...and honestly, that's only a very slight exaggeration of the facts.  But when the idea of how cluttered and disgusting my studio actually is just wouldn't leave my mind, I knew there was a reason for it.

Normally when I clean my studio, I keep everything...I don't do this in any other room of the house, but in my studio I think I can't get rid of that!  I might need it someday!  ...like a true hoarder would.

But this time was different.

I just kept looking at things I would normally keep...minuscule scraps of paper, empty tubs that once held gesso and other various mediums, pens that 'still write' (albeit not all the time or not very well), packaging from any kind of box that was brought into the house...and I thought to myself It's weighing you down.

When I stood back and looked at all that extra stuff, a big black garbage bag full to the point of ripping, it gave me such a nauseating feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for doing what you can with what you have and recycling and not wasting things and all that stuff...but what I was doing was not that.  I was burying myself under 'art supplies'.  I was hiding in a fort of useless objects so that I wouldn't have to see or hear the things that frustrate and offend me.

I don't want that kind of burden anymore.

That's why I had to take the time to clean up and toss and reevaluate what I would use versus what I felt like I had to use.  Other people do awesome stuff with cereal boxes, so I should keep mine...but, you know what, I'll never do anything with them.  I am not everybody else...I'm just me, and that's the only standard I should measure myself against.

I come from a place of meager means, and maybe a part of me got twisted into believing that it's frugality to keep everything you ever come into contact with.  But that's not true.  There's no shame in getting rid of something that's broken.  There's nothing wrong in passing something you are not going to use on to someone who will...even if you spent money to have it.  There's no one searching through my trash bag with a ruler saying that two inch scrap of paper was too big to just throw away!

I don't want to have that heavy feeling holding me down anymore...especially not in relation to my studio!  

I'm not done with the purging just yet.  In all honesty, I'm probably only about halfway there...but egads, if the ending brings me half as much relief as the beginning did, I'll be doing the happy dance for weeks!

In one of the Reverb14 posts, I mentioned that I'd like to have a house full of things that I love...that no matter where I look, I want my eyes to land on something that brings me joy.  And the practical aspect of starting on that goal is to rid myself of anything that doesn't.  So cheers to me for starting on that goal a little earlier than the new year!

To quote Mary Oliver, "I want to be light and frolicsome", and if getting down and dirty with cleaning is the first step, then I'm on my way.

Suck it up, Cookie!

So last night, I was in the middle of doing a whole lot of nothing...actually, I wanted to do some art stuff, but was in one of those moods where I couldn't pick what I wanted to do and didn't really have any great flashes of inspiration happening...it's because the studio is such a mess, I know it.

It's my own fault, because I jokingly mentioned my aversion to cleaning yesterday...which made my mind get stuck on just how messy it really is in my little studio room...and then I couldn't concentrate on anything else very well.  

So if I was perfectly honest, last night I was procrastinating at making art, which was my (as usual) attempt at procrastinating at cleaning, but the inspiration just wouldn't strike...so I ended up turning to my last resort...watching something on Netflix.

I'm not a huge TV watcher...every once in a while, I'll get stuck on a series and watch all the episodes back to back till I get through it all...but I had run out of my latest obsession (Broadchurch...it was a crime mystery show that has David Tennant (of Dr. Who fame) in it) and so not even Netflix was being agreeable...it got so bad that I ended up doing a search for romantic movies, which is probably my least watched genre.

Anyway, I ended up watching this movie called "Dorfman In Love" (you can see the trailor for it HERE).  It was surprisingly good!  A cute story and it was visually interesting as well (and that's not a code word meaning good looking dudes...although there was that too...)!  I don't tend to recommend TV shows or movies, but I will say that I would totally watch this movie again.

And, best of all, I was inspired to do something artsy after I watched it:

"Suck it up, Cookie!"

There's a part in the movie where the main character asks her friend to do something for her and, instead of doing it, he tells her to suck it up and do it for herself.  (The 'do it for yourself' thing comes up a couple times actually.)

And the not-cropped version of the photo...
I did this girl on kraft paper and used a water soluble pencil and  my Neocolor II's...I decided to let the kraft paper be my skin tone and only added shading and highlights in certain areas....now I'm wondering if it looks like she has a five o'clock shadow or something...

The 'suck it up and do it' part of the movie stuck with me, and made me think a lot about the things I am currently trying to procrastinate my way out of...like cleaning the studio...and how maybe I should just go ahead and do these things...one never knows what might happen, right?  Maybe I'll find some inspiration while unmessing the mess!

The weekend...or Sweet's Last Hurrah

Saturday, Andy (my husband) took me on a short little road trip an hour or two away from the house to Greenville/Morristown, Tennessee  (I'm not sure where we actually ended up...but somewhere around there).  Part of his job includes making deliveries of construction supplies, so he gets to see a lot of the local area that he's missed, despite living in Tennessee for the majority of his life.  I get to reap the benefits of this because he comes home and says 'hey, I found something cool, let's go look at it sometime' and so I get to see the highlight reel of all the cool things in the area without too much personal effort...hooray!

At any rate, this weekend, we went to see this dam/waterfall:

Please overlook the overpass...I was trying to give the waterfall/dam thing a little perspective so you could see how big it is, but it didn't quite work out that way I don't think...  But it does show that you can see the waterfall/dam thing from the highway as you drive past...which is how Andy found it in the first place...

These pictures just don't show how big and LOUD this thing is!  It was really awesome to get to see...

On the other side of the waterfall/dam thing there is a building, which Andy got some good pictures of (he's taller, he always gets better shots than I do...)  ...I just totally forgot to have him send them to me.  I will make him do that and then post the pictures of the building, because it was really cool looking!

Does anyone know what kind of tree this is from?  I swear to goodness, my early onset Alzheimer's is kicking in...I know what this is, the name is on the tip of my tongue, swirling around in my brain,  and I just can not spit it out!  It's driving me crazy!

If you'll forgive the fact that I'm in the car barreling down the road at about 70 mph, you can see the beautiful countryside that exists in East Tennessee.  ( I really do need to make a concerted effort to stop and get out of the car and take some pictures for you guys!)  I love where I live and the surrounding area.  It's so green and lush from all the rain, and it's just got amazing views in unexpected places thanks to the mountains and valleys...  It's so beautiful!

When Andy and I first got married, we used to have little day trips like this all the time.  We'd hop in the car and go for a drive, just for the sake of driving...or for the sake of doing something.  After a couple years, though, we kind of fell out of the habit.  Sometimes our work schedules were conflicting and it made it hard...a lot of times it was simply because there were 'better' things to do.  But lately, we've taken up our little outings again and I'm so happy we have.  It reminds me of all the things I like about him.

I think it's easy to forget at times...especially for me...the good things about our spouses.  I am the most guilty person in the world for this.  I am one who loves change and being spontaneous...my husband is the most resistant to change person I have ever met in my life.  It makes for some stress...Additionally, I have a hard time accepting that people love me...especially men people...  It's all too easy for me to forget that my husband loves me.  And honestly, on an emotional level, I have a hard time returning that love too...or at the very least, admitting or discussing the fact that I return the love.  My hospital stay was kind of a blessing in disguise.  (It was deep under cover, trust me...)  It did make me realize that my husband cares about me.  I know it sounds a little silly to say that, I mean, he married me and all that, but like I said, I forget that he cares.  He's not really a 'show he loves you' kind of guy.  But, when push comes to shove, when my back is against the wall and I really need someone, Andy has really been there for me.

What put me in mind of all that, is the fact that this weekend was kind of a 'last hurrah' of sorts.  I talked before about having to make some changes in my life...the physical type, I mean.  I have to start eating right, exercising, finish my 'quit smoking' goal...all that stuff is not easy for me.  It's big changes that have to happen RIGHT NOW.  It's all a little overwhelming...these habits are ones that I've had for the majority of my adult life...  They're things that I know have needed to change, that I've talked about fixing for a good long while, but could never seem to make them happen.  Now, they have to happen.

So this weekend, Andy suggested we go for a drive and on the way back we stop at the grocery store and buy the healthy food I should be eating.  He's also begun to monitor my cigarette intake with the strictness of an old-timey school teacher...ruler in hand, prepared to slap knuckles if I get out of control. (haha)  And he's even thinking of ways to get me up and moving...He especially likes the one where I cook dinner every night...instead of sitting down at the computer or at my studio desk as soon as I get home from work.  It's killing two birds with one stone, a tiny amount of exercise happens and healthy food gets made and eaten.

All this change is happening, and for a man that resists change so strongly, he's really pushing for it...and, after being married to the man for almost 10 years, I can tell you it's got a little bit of an invasion-of-the-body-snatchers feeling to it!  To me, it's showing that he cares about me more than he hates change...and the man REALLY hates change...so he must care about me a lot.  I think I have been oblivious to just how much he does care...or, at the very least, forgotten the fact for a long time.

Now it's making me want to do things I haven't done since we first got married and I was trying to impress him with my wife skills...like keep the house clean.  It's kind of weirding me out!  Right now, I have the strongest urge to go clean out the cabinets in our kitchen...I mean pull everything out and scrub.  To give you an example of exactly how much this goes against my nature, the other day I pulled a pack of muffin mix out of the cabinet and the expiration date on it was April...of 2009.  (Not even joking...I wish I would have taken a picture as proof...) Yeah, I told you I was resistant to cleaning.  ...but now I want to go rip everything out of the cabinets and throw away all the old muffin mix (the 2009 one is in the trash already...I did not just put it back in the cabinet...I'm not THAT bad...) and bags of chips with crumbs in them (that one's on Andy, I don't eat chips) that have been in there for a million years and scrub the shelves and organize all the things that are left...and then do the same thing with all the other cabinets.  And then go find other things to scrub and organize...

Wanting to clean so badly is unusual for me.  Normally the only time I clean is when I am upset about something...SUPER upset.  Me cleaning things is how the people around me know I'm mad or on the verge of breaking down.  And now I'm wanting to do it so strongly that I can barely resist the urge to call in to work and start immediately...and I'm not having a nervous breakdown or anything!  So tonight, instead of doing art...or at least before I start doing any, I'm going to have to clean something.

I guess Andy will get to know first hand what that whole invasion-of-the-body-snatchers thing feels like...