You Choose

As a ridiculous word junkie, with the near inability to make an art journal page without words on it, I must say I really liked the prompt for Documented Life Project this week.  You can read more about it HERE, but the prompt was "Add an inspiring quote to guide your week."

I don't know about 'guiding my week', but something I needed to hear right now popped up on my Pinterest feed:

"You are never stuck.  You choose this day and every day."

I accidentally cropped my photo too close, but I swear it actually says 'this' not 'his'...the 't' is on the page...also, I giggled to myself, because, depending on how you look at it, the poor girl in this spread looks like she tripped and is falling over.  Hehehe...it made me laugh.  She's supposed to look like she's soaring off into the sky...instead, she's super clumsy like me and tripped over her ridiculously long dress.  I think it's hilarious...once I saw it, I couldn't un-see it.

This clumsy girl has a good point though...one that I needed to hear: I choose.  

I have a friend at my job who's always saying very profound things that I make so much sense to my whiny brain...it is kind of annoying.  Can't people just let you wallow in misery?  Ugh...

  Yesterday, I was...venting...complaining...whatever...about someone I deal with on a daily basis and I said "I don't understand why they act this way."  And stupid work philosopher says to me "Because you let them."  And you know what, work sage was right.  There are certain instances where you don't have a choice in what you put up with, but they are much more few and far between than I let myself believe.

I kind of cop out of facing confrontation by being a bit of a doormat.  Because I hate confrontation, in any form.  I complain about things, but I never do anything about them.  I make myself be a martyr to circumstances that are within my power to change.  But I "don't want to be the bad guy"...so I just lay under the bus as it rolls me over.

My work philosopher friend said to me: "Everybody in life is looking out for their own happiness.  It would be nice to think that somebody out their is looking out for you, but that's just not how the world works.  It's up to you to fight for your own happiness...I'm gonna get my happiness at any cost."

For the record, 'happiness at any cost' will one day be it's own art journal page...

And so work philosopher made me realize that I've been sitting around waiting for some benevolent soul to 'fix' things for me.  That I've been twiddling my thumbs, letting my life go by in the hopes that one day everything will be better, because I'm a decent person and I deserve it and how could the universe not send it to me...like a crazy person.  What I really need to do is stand up and fight for happiness, tooth and nail, with everything I've got.  The only person who will come along to save me is me.

And that led me to this:

"I want to say I love you and I want to say I hate you but I don't have the breath or the courage to let either one slip out.  All I know is this: Hell is a burning desire."

I know what I want.  I know what I need to be happy.  There's a burning desire inside of me for these things.  I make it hellish because I don't go after those things.  If I'm not willing to fight for happiness, then I probably don't deserve for someone to hand it to me.  I'm walking around in hell like I'm trapped when the door to get out is wide open, if I just walk through it.  Maybe I'm a little scared, because I don't know what's on the other side...but it has to be better.  And if it's not, then you just keep fighting for happiness, right?  It's a constant struggle to be happy, not a one time fight.  Life always throws things at us...we just have to keep fighting to beat it.  But, like anything else I suppose, the more you do it, the better you get...it will get easier, because you'll get stronger.

I guess I'm ready to find out what's on the other side of that door.