|"It's a funny thing coming home.|
Everything looks the same,
feels the same,
even smells the same.
You realize what's changed is you."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
Today is my 34th birthday.
It's been almost two years since I've blogged.
It's been almost as long since I've really made any art.
How did I manage to let go of something that meant so much to me for so long?
The truth is, I think, that as much as I needed art and this blog for growing,
I needed it to stop for the same reason.
My art and blog had been like a diary for me, a sounding board to hear my own voice in this noisy world...a place to figure out what I wanted and how I felt. There was a time when that was what I needed most of all. In a way, it saved me.
It became so important to me that it took over.
It consumed me to there point where nothing else really mattered.
No one and nothing else was as important as making art.
That's not a way to live.
The thing about growing is that it is not without pain.
The thing about learning is that we often learn we are wrong.
And then we must decide what to do.
Middle ground is not a place I have lived comfortably.
I have never been one to take a step forward or back, but instead a jump in either direction.
And so I quit, cold turkey, the blogging and the making of any art of merit.
I set out to live my life in the real world without any of the things I felt were holding me back.
In the process, I learned.
I realized I had led myself astray in a lot of ways.
It's important to listen to your inner voice,
but there's also value to listening to what others have to say.
When you're in a situation, you can be too close to see the truth of the matter...
you can't see the forest for the trees.
Occasionally, you can be lucky enough to find someone to trust, who can slowly pull you back from the tiny details and make you see the big picture. A person who can show you that you're not lost forever amid the trees; there is a path out.
I was lucky enough to have a friend do that for me and wise enough to see that, even though it may not have been what I wanted, it was what I needed. And that it wasn't selfishly only what I needed, it was better for others too.
So now here I sit, in a familiar place,
easing back into something I love,
with someone I love by my side.
Still learning, still growing.
Back where I started, but in a better place.